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DS hates school and has no friends (so he says ...)

3 replies

onthebus · 04/03/2010 10:16

DS is in Year 1. he's struggled all year with the transition from a very play based Reception to a Year 1 class with a very strict teacher.

DS complains about going into school most mornings- he tells me he hates school, he tells me that no one likes him or plays with him. I have been taking all of these things with a pinch of salt. At parents' evening his teacher described him as well liked, doing well and someone that really enjoys school.

This week it has been getting worse. I have physically had to peel him off me, left him crying, had him come out of school and say he had a horrible day.

We had a long chat yesterday. The main issue is that DS (who is one of the younger ones in his year) wants to play rather than do sit down work, which there isn't a whole lot I can do about. In particular he hates writing because he is "rubbish at it" and he hates reading because "there are hard words I don't know". He has made brilliant progress this year and is above average for his class so he is in no way rubbish at either. But he suffers from a slightly "perfectionist" streak - he thinks if he can't do it 100% right then he doesn't want to try.

The friends thing is harder because he sits with the same 6 other boys at lunch every day (and they have free choice about where they sit) so I'd "assumed" they were his main friends with one boy in particular (who we walk home with and have had round to play) being his "best" friend. DS assures me he doesn't like any of them, they don't talk to him or play with him. They have an area in the school play ground where you can sit if you want someone to play with - DS says he sits there sometimes but still no-one plays with him. Again I am taking this with a pinch of salt, but wondering if there is some basis for it? I've suggested we have other friends home after school. DS is keen about the idea but when asked who he wants he says he doesn't know.

His birthday is coming up and he wants a soft play party - I suggested he invite 10 people and he says he has thought of 10 children he wants but won't tell me who they are ... The only parties he has been invited to are "best friend"'s party and the party of a boy whose mum is a friend of mine.

Do I/he have a genuine problem - and if so how do I tackle it? I hate the idea of him being miserable at school all day, but his teacher seems to think he isn't so don't know who to believe.

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kreecherlivesupstairs · 04/03/2010 10:42

TBH, I think I'd believe the teacher. Does he know how much he upsets you by telling you he has no friends and feels lonely?
As far as the birthday party, I'd simply tell him that if he doesn't tell you who they are, you can't invite them.

smee · 04/03/2010 17:00

Tell him you're going to ask to meet his teacher. If he's making it all up, he'll backtrack. If he's not the teacher should know how he's feeling and help him tackle it. If he's that upset in the mornings though, I'd say something's not right somewhere. Either way I think I'd meet with his teacher. sounds sad him saying he's 'rubbish'. He's so little to feel that way about himself. The school need to know that's how he feelss so they can build his self esteem.

ommmward · 05/03/2010 09:54

I don't think it matters whether or not the details are true. He's trying to persuade you that he really really doesn't like being at school.

either

  1. you can try to persuade him that school is fine really (the teacher's approach)

or

  1. you can try to change things about school to make it better for him (sounds like that's your preferred option)

or

  1. you can take him out of school for now. (sounds like that's his preferred option)

Just thought it might help to lay out the alternatives starkly

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