Nervous about making (troubled?) 6yo move schools - advice?

[accessorizequeen]

We need to move house this year to somewhere bigger, DP would very much like to move out of the city and somewhere a bit more rural but that would mean moving schools for DS1 (he's in y1 now).

I'm very very nervous about this. He's quite happy at the school and we're impressed with it, but he soils daily and has had some bullying because of it because he smells (doesn't tell anyone half the time). The school have been extremely supportive (although not in reception). We've tried a lot of things to help him, but at the end of the road with ideas. I'm worried that if some of the reason he's soiling is emotional, moving schools will make him worse & his behaviour as well. I'm also concerned about explaining it all again for new school, might not get support and he won't fit in/make friends because of the soiling. He seems to be struggling somewhat making friends at present school, he's quite controlling and bossy aside from the soiling.

But dp & I both feel (more dp than me I admit) that living somewhere a bit quieter may do us all good. We have a fairly frenetic life with 4 dcs under 6, dp runs many businesses and I'm struggling with PND right now.

How much of an impact would moving schools have on a 6yo? Am I worrying unnecessarily?

Have you contacted the school nurse about his soiling?
Is it possible that he's really unhappy at his current school? It may stop if he moves. Ds moved schools in year 1, it was the best thing for him, he was really unhappy at his first school, he was becoming withdrawn, having regular stomach pains and diarrhoea, at it's worst he went to the toilet 20 times in 4 hours. Once I moved him everything changed and he was a happy child again with no more tummy problems.

Thanks Belle. He was soiling for years before starting school & doesn't seem unhappy in any way there so I don't think so.

Can you visit schools first and then move near the one you think will be most supportive? Sorry - don't know if you are able to be this flexible, but this is what we did when we moved (DS1 was in Year 1 and Ds2, who is autistic, was just about to start school). It's the best thing we ever did. DS1 had no problems changing schools at all. I did a 'Goodbye old house/school' photo book for them and then a 'Hello new house/school' book as well.

I know a good school if you want to move SW!. They have a number of children who have soiling difficulties and deal with it, imo, very well indeed.

is he receiving treatment for the soiling? If it's happening on a daily basis it's probably down to chronic constipation so nothing to do with emotional turmoil at all. If he isn't already under their care, you need to get a referral to your nearest paediatric incontinence unit, who will help sort your ds out.

I feel for you as ds2 soiled every day for years - and we thought he couldn't possibly be constipated, but it turned out that his bowel was so full of hard poo (sorry, tmi) that liquid matter from further up bypassed the blockage and came out - plus the muscles in the gut get so stretched that they no longer register the normal signals that a poo is needed, so it just keeps on getting worse.

thanks all. I prob should have said more about the soiling before - he did/does have chronic constipation, has been seeing a paed for several years. They don't have much psych help around here, we asked for a psychologist last year and ended up with a HV. Because he's sometimes able to control the soiling and has had weeks without it, both we & paed believe it's emotional as well. Which is why I'm worried about him moving schools. He's a fairly highly strung, sensitive, moody child. If it were ds2 even with the soiling I wouldn't be worried about moving schools.
I guess I just wanted an idea of how well children adapt generally to moving. Obviously he'll be moving at 11, but if we stayed put prob. to a school where he knows half the class!

mimsmum, they don't have a paed incontinence unit here. Unfortunately. Not getting very far with help 3 years on!