Primary teachers, can I just ask if you would think this is Ok?

[Flightattendant]

Ds1 is quite anxious and is in yr2. Sometimes at bedtime or in the morning he says he is scared about school, because a particular teacher isn't very nice or makes him feel bad, or he has had a bad dream about them.
I always offer to 'have a word' and he seems Ok with that. The thing is I have started to follow through with this , for instance yesterday he was worried about the substitute teacher they've been having on a monday - I'd never seen her before. So when she came to get the class in, I took her to one side - she seemed quite nice to me, but kids don't always get the nice side I guess! and I said quietly, and in a very friendly, slightly conspiratorial way, 'Hello, are you Mrs Thing?' and she said 'Yes' and I said, 'I wondered if I might ask you to be especially careful with ds today, you see he is worried because he thinks you don't like him!'. She seemed quite taken aback but agreed to be very nice to him - and later after school, he said she had been very nice

I felt a bit nervous doing it and also slightly disingenuous as what he had really said was that she was a horrible old cow but anyway...would this make you think or be less nice to the child in question, or would it make you think about your teaching style?

Ds said most of the children hate her, which is sad as she seemed Ok to me - i just didn't want to leave it iyswim.

Oh sorry she was upset...hope this one wasn't. I tried to keep it all very jolly with lots of smiling and nervous laughter.

This is a difficult one. My son has an autistic spectrum disorder and is not very good with tones of voices in particular. So he frequently thinks a teacher is 'shouty' when they may just be being firm - he does it with me.

When I first raised this with my son's teachers this year, in the context of explaining his autism, they took it very personally and have in fact taken every point about accomodating his needs personally.

For example, if he needs things repeated to him, they get offended because they think I'm suggesting they're not clear enough.

So, although verity, you and your teacher sound very sensible, my experience is that not all teachers see past their own injured feelings.

Anything which makes your child not want to go to school should be something the school's interested in imo. If they're not then it's a worry. We had similar with the teacher DS had whilst his regular teacher had prep time. I had a word with his teacher, was very, very clear that it wasn't a complaint but more something DS was finding hard and it was easily sorted. I think she just gave him a hug and now he loves her! tbh if it's a genuine worry, I can't see why you wouldn't try and sort it. Our school seems to encourage parents to let them know about things like this - though maybe we're lucky.

I agree smee and wouldn't suggest for one moment that it shouldn't be raised, but, being persona non grata in my son's school suggests that teachers don't always take these things well. Or maybe that is just the lot of a parent of a child with SEN?

Debs that sounds very hard to deal with - how do you manage? School sounds a bit oversensitive

So lousy debs40. I do know we're lucky at our school. Your poor son. Has he got an understanding SENCO you work with?

SENco (deputy head)is equally oversensitive about the whole thing as he's done nothing on the basis that DS seemed to be doing ok but he has useless teachers this year (truly useless on every level not just SEN) and so hasn't been kept up to date. He's now had to be told by outside agencies there are many complex issues to be addressed. School then get stroppy with me because they've not done anything they're supposed to and I've clearly embarrassed them by raising their failures. They are 'outstanding' after all.

DS is passive and doesn't cause anyone any problem so who cares if he's getting anything out of school. I'm just a nuisance.

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack your post!!