DD unhappy at school..a bit long

[mollie1968]

DD age 7yrs has always loved school and other than the odd blip have not had any real issues. However following several months of the "best friend" only thing that girls seem to do she now seems to have hit several huddles!Not wanting to go back to school following half term.

She has always said that she wants to be friends with lots of people not just one, so this means now according to DD that everybody has paired off, she states that she is not part of a gang/group and feels left out.

Given lots of incidents of "unkind" behaviour. She seems to be one of three however states that she is often asked to go away so that the others can have time alone and her words are she feels suspicious as hears them talking about her. Feels she has no friends, school have always said what happy sociable child with lots of friends, not how she is feeling. Difficulties with older girls as DD has a couple of friends that are boys, this has made after school clubs difficult.

She is sensitive and caring by nature and strong willed, not really sure I want to change this. However I am aware that if you are not popular no amount of being nice to others treating them as you would want to be treated changes things.
I have mentioned to school re unhappy and mentioned after school club, however she states that she wants this to get better but she is not sure what to do. I am a great believer in letting them sort things out themselves but I guess aged 7 the skills are not there....help.

I wonder if it would help to start hosting lots of playdates, with a large variety of other children -- girls and boys. Boost her friendships with as many children as possible?

Thanks for the reply we have arranged a few dates and involved friend who goes to another school.This is no mean feet with all the different activities everybody does and working.
This has worked well in the past but with the moving up of school year the contacts seem to have been lost as DD says they are now big girls.
She has said she will give it three weeks to get better.... not sure what will happen after that! I am at a lose as to what to suggest to make things better in school,but will make effort with play dates.
Fingers crossed that DD will want to go to school next week and that things will get better.

I know my DD1 is only 5, so maybe a different story, but she has been through little phases of this and so have her friends, so I wonder if it's just "what they do"....give it a few weeks and see...I know how worrying it is, imagining your little girl not being popular, but it might just be a little phase and it might all settle itself. xx

How many girls are in her class?

Many thanks for the posts nice to know that you are not the only person battling school issues.We have had several incidents since the start of school and I have managed to brush these off and they have resolved..always read other peoples posts on here, left alone and things got better. This seems different this time.
The class has 8 girls incl DD over 2 years, 2 I have been advised by teacher not to encourage friendship, another very over bearing and controlling and DD not wanting to be cuddly and best buddy seems to have set all this off.
I sound like a really over bearing mother...which i am not but do have a beautiful, intelligent caring daughter who is unhappy.

could teacher have a word with class as a whole about kindness and beng friendly? or could teacher not try to encourage another girl who is kind caring and popular to be friendly with your DD and this would then lead to more friendships within that childs circle of friends(sorry i cant quite clearly put into words what i mean only just recently my daughter said that her teacher had asked if she could help look after another girl in her class. my dd said that this little girl was always upset and crying at play time because another 2 girls who she was 'best friends' kept being mean and excluding her.)Y ou mentioned that your DD was in a 3 and I think this tends to happen when kids (particularly girls) are in a 3.

Tell the school, arrange a meeting with the teacher. It's in the school's interest for a child to do well and a child that is unhappy will be underperforming. Tell them about the other incidents as well.

Thank you for the advice,
I feel much better and although you know you are not the only family in the country going through "school issues" it is nice to have it confirmed. I have to say I am fairly confident person but this does seem to have effected me...do I know my DD, what have we done as parents...then I think no DD is lovely and maybe that is a lot of the problem.
DD has given me some names of children to come and play so I will be on the phone. School back next week and both self and DH are going to go and see school as it has been me that has called/been in previously.
Teacher has always been very understanding/pro active/ supportive however I do sort of feel this is the third time we will have talked to school re something to do with other children.(although careful not to get personal, discuss in general terms) You do start to question your own childs behaviour!
Just need to get monday morning over with.
Hopefully will not be back on here in couple of weeks with further issues.