Does anyone else have DC who seem to hate school, or are mine the only ones?

[jemimapotts]

My DC (DS1 (10), DS2(8), DD(4) seem to dislike school. They hate getting ready to go in the mornings, and moan and fight on the way there. When I collect them they are often wound up, cross and argumentative.

Academically they are doing very well, and they get interested in whole range of subjects. They seem to have friends, although we don't have that many children coming to play after school. They don't want to go to after school clubs, although they go to football training, cubs and swimming lessons.

The DSs moved schools last term as DS1 was incredibly unhappy in the last school, and we felt after 4 years it wasn't going to change for him. We had lots of issues with the school aside from him being unhappy.

The new school is very good, and just became outstanding in the last Ofsted inspection. However having first hand experience of 2 inner city schools now, I really feel that the school environment is very stressful for children. All the pressure to achieve high SATS results, putting stress on staff and pupils.
It's a big school and the pupils seem to be herded around alot. I worry about High school, as the DSs seem to be finding primary intolerable. It feels like it's going to be hard work keeping them on track, and motivated to achieve their full potential.

We are considering a move to a more rural area, where the local schools are smaller, there's more space and hopefully emphasis on enjoying the environment more. I do wonder whether the urban environment is partly what is stressing our DC. However perhaps they would be under just the same pressures from Government to achieve the targets set?

Is anyone else experiencing the same with their DC, or having similiar concerns about high school? I'd be interested to hear whether schools in rural settings are pressurized.

Hi. Just read your post. One thing to be wary of is rural secondaries can be massive as they take from all the villages. Saying that the one my nephew went to understood this and had an excellent starting process. School is quite an unnatural thing. Might be worth checking out human scale education.

The rural secondary we have seen is quite a bit smaller than the one here, so hopefully it would be better.

Thanks for the human scale education link, which I've looked at. There is actually a Montessori school near where we are looking to move to. It all sounds great in principle, but it would be odd going to a school with only 8 other pupils. It's not really preparation for the 'real world', which let's face it can be pretty harsh.

If state schools were a lot smaller, and adopted some of the human scale principles, then it would all be fine. That's not going to happen though is it?

Some would argue that despite being small Montessori schools are better preparation for life. Children work to their own interests and levels. They often mix with all the pupils in the school rather than one age group. It is not often the case in real life that we end up working in a room of people all of one age. Montessori pupils are encouraged to be extremely independent thinking and help out in the running of schools. All the Montessori kids that I have met have been extremely proactive and independent.

You're not likely to get a good social mix though. It's important to learn how to get on with people from a range of backgrounds. That's probably one of the biggest challenges, (the size aside) of going to the local school. I do like the look of Montessori though.

It is important to get on with people from a range of backgrounds I agree, mine are very much in a huge state school. However, if yours are very unhappy I am sure you would be able to keep them in touch with the real world a bit outside of school, cubs football club etc. In my experience Montessori kids have no problem entering state schools at a later date either because they are so able to get on with people of all ages and types. Well... listen to me I had no idea I was so pro Montessori Good luck with whatever you decide. All schools are different but the Montessori schools I have seen have a wide variety of kids in them many on burseries.

Do you visit them in a work capacity? I'm not sure how unhappy my DC are at school, and whether much of it is normal just preferring to be at home away from all the rules and regulations.

I have done, yes. My children are not very happy at school either so I sympathise. I think school is not a very natural environment. I think it helps to talk about that and how weird it is to be shut up in a room with 30 people.. etc

I know it must be hard, having not been that happy at school myself. Wasn't until the 6th form when we were taught in groups of 10 (and all the hardnuts had left ) that I really began to enjoy learning. You've got me thinking about Montessori now. Do you not think you may be percieved as a bit odd if you go to a normal high school after a montessori?

If they're happy while they're there, have frieds and doing well academically then it doesn't sound as though there is an underlying problem. They could just hate the getting up/getting ready process. Not everyone wants to do after-school clubs at school - wanting a change of scenery is normal.

As someone who grew up in a rural area, just a word of caution; my primary (40 children in entire school - I don't think schools this size exist any more really) was WAY too small. Rural primaries can't offer breadth of activities that larger ones can, and of course far fewer friends to choose from. Depending on how rural you are, you can end up driving MILES to secondary - and there'll probably be only one secondary, not a choice. Their friends will live miles away too - and there will be huge logistics over trips to bowling/cinema etc and meeting up with friends - the country is brilliant with young kids, but pretty awful and another sort of cage for teenagers.

Please don't take this as being negative - it's just that the grass isn't always greener. How about a smaller town so you get bes of both worlds?

"Have frieds". Ahem. "Have friends" I really must learn to preview

It is a small town Grunge. The primary we are looking at has a two form entry with 24 in each class, and the high school is a mile away.
There seems to be quite a bit on for teens, and 3 big cities are 20 and 30 minutes away by train.

Oooh, that's not what I call proper rural then! Actually, that sounds perfect. 24 in a class sounds a good number too.

The SATS etc will still be the same, but some schools (and individual teachers) handle it in a more relaxed way than others. There's quite a variation in the schools round here in my town, for instance. There's competetive parental pressure too sometimes. I don't think it's really to do with being urban or rural environment though.

The area you're hoping to move to sounds fab

I hadn't thought about the competetive parental pressure, but it stands to reason that other parents pressurizing their DC will have a knock on effect. I really hope that the SATS pressure will be less than inner city. The schools here are so pressurized to improve attendance, punctuality, attainment etc, and it must lead to a more stressful learning environment.

Lots of competetive parents where I am (wealthy medium sized town) sadly. School has SATs balance about right but some parents seem to turn it all into a sort of nuclear arms race . Next nearest school has a far less competetive parental demographic and therefore different atmosphere. Very individual I think.

Have you been to look at your potential new schools to get a 'feel' for them?

We're pretty rural, dd is in yr 3 of a primary with approx 100 children in total (though her year is big - 16 children, and 30 in her yr 3/4 class).

She certainly doesn't appear to be pressurised by school at all and she definitely enjoys it - she hates getting up in the morning in winter but is perfectly cheerful once fed! The school seem pretty chilled about most things apart from attendance & punctuality (but I think they're all hot on that these days). DD's writing is well behind 'average' but they seem happy to take a watching & waiting approach having done a bit of intervention last year.

I would say its definitely the opposite of 'herded around' - the teachers & TAs all know all the children, stop & chat in the street, the headteacher always asks how things are & if everything's ok if she sees you as a parent going in to see the teacher, etc, etc. Very much the same experience as my rural primary in the 70s, overall.

However we are in Wales, which means no SATS & a more child centred approach.

OP, I would be really unhappy and thinking of taking my child out of school if their experience was as you describe, to be honest.

I agree that a smaller town is best - I was brought up in London, moved to Bristol, then Exeter, a village, and now a small town in Somerset. A smaller town is ideal if it has a pool and say, a cinema so you dont have to drive everywhere. Be within 10 miles of a bigger place for decent shops for teenagers though!