Is anyone else thinking of skipping reception, or already done it? Could use advice please.

[Flightattendant]

It's just hit me that ds2 is meant to start school next autumn! Not this year, but 2011.

Looking at him I just do not see this happening

I struggled sending ds1 and ended up abstracting him halfway through the year; he went back in yr12 when he was a bit more capable physically.

So many people say to me 'Oh they are just so little, they are too small to go to school' and I wholeheartedly agree. I do really like the reception teacher at ds1's school (he is yr2 atm) but really feel wrong about him going to school at just 4.

There's no option to defer till January here.

I'm concerned about ) how he will fit in if he joins 'late', in yr1, (ds1 already had 'tried' school so not quite the same) and b) whether he will be given a place at all if they know we are deferring.

I'd appreciate any tips on when and how to go about applying in the light of this.

Thanks so much.

That would be year 1 as opposed to year 12

sorry!

..anybody?

Does the school allow an early pick up or anything like that? I'd be worried about the place unless I had already discussed it with the school and they were OK with a deferred option.

I agree that 4 is too young ( mine have started at 4.5, 4.1, 4.3). I also think too much is made of the they won't fit in, the other kids have made their own friends, etc to stop people deferring when they think their child would benefit from it.

My daughter is in year 2 and has had children join late in each of the 3 years she has been at school and it has not been a problem for the child at all.

Defer if necessary but don't set anything in stone yet. Sept 2011 is a long way off yet.

Presumably you would be applying around this time next year? I would just worry about it nearer the time tbh.

Was what you did with your ds1 a big problem? You could just try reception and see how it goes again. For what it's worth, I thought dd would really struggle with school. She never liked nursery that much, and I thought school would be even harder for her. But she loves it and has ever since her first day.

Thanks Mistle...I think they get about 4 weeks of half days, that's it. It's not enough imo.

I will speak to the HT about it a little nearer the time but she will have to fill the place I think and then unless someone moves away or leaves school for another reason, he just won't have a place and we will be stuffed...as in, one child in one school, one in another.

I understand that reception is an important year for them but the balance just isn't great enough for me to feel it is worth the struggle for them iyswim.

I'd only be worried about whether there was a place at a school I liked at Year 1 - all the ones near here were so over-subscribed, they definitely wouldn't have held a place open.

It would almost certainly have benefited DS2 - an Aug-born boy though.

That is v reassuring, thankyou Fab Ds hasn't had a problem either but then he knew the ropes and he likes school anyway...

alarka, thankyou - yes, will be applying next year - but want to be prepared for what to do as I like to have a plan!

Yes, it was a problem what we did with ds1...he started recep as usual, but wasn't coping, and we stayed p/t for as long as poss (till April) then they got fed up with it and so we agreed we'd come back in sept...then deputy ht took over and defaulted on agreement. HEd for a term and a half, got place at this school in Oct yr1.

He lost his friends from reception and it was awful.

At ds's school we're able to pick up at lunchtime on Friday if we want to. We're asked to try to make the decision in advance for the next 1/2 term, but there is some flexibility - normally ds stays in, but I have once picked him up early.

When is his birthday? Ds is 5 in April - which makes him one of the 'younger' ones, but for DS he was definitely ready for school and would have been awful if we'd tried to introduce him in at Y1, although as I work, its a different situation from you.

Whippet, same here...ds1 is at one of the better schools and they have a one class intake, usually about half filled with siblings! They won't hold a place for a whole year, I'd feel selfish asking them to anyway.

Other schools near here are sadly shocking.

does your ds have SN?

DD is in reception atm, and one bot in his class does mornings only and will do the whole of this year. His mum decided not to defer him he is a july birthday but liaised with the school and came up with this plan as she was concerned he was too young, but didn't want him to miss out either. I think she plans to gradually increase his time in school over the summer term

sorry One boy in her class

Thanks Mistle.

ds1 is end of May, ds2 is June...I know some kids go in with August birthdays (like yours Fab?)

I don't feel emotionally and mentally and physically it is the right place to put them, not really...though I know it is so hard to fight the system here.

Ds1 would go all day with nothing to drink, not going to the toilet, overwhelmed completely...I knew nothing of this...he was beaten up in the playground, no one told me...he would sleep from 4pm till 10, then wake and cry - it was hopeless.

I felt barbaric putting him through that.

Moss, not as far as we know...he's 2.8.

Notsurewhat, that sounds like a plan, I don't know if school will bite though as they are funny about attendance.

Deffo worth asking though!! Thanks.

Im sorry I just wondered why you would NOT put your ds through reception. I do find this kind of thing bizarre, I can just imagine our parents 'deferring' our school intakes.

FWIW there is a boy in ds1's class who just did mornings until after xmas, I think he does all day now. Ds1 tends to forget him when talking about class mates plus he misses everything they do in the afternoon.

Your post indicates its YOU who are not ready for your ds to go to school.

Sorry I dont agree with you, but its just my opinion, lots of people on here do all that co-sleeping/home schooling thing that I find odd!

Thanks for putting it inoffensively Mossy I can see we differ and fair enough...I'm always trying to question whether I need to be more like you, have not been able to make that shift yet...perhaps it also depends on the child.

fwiw I co slept with ds1 till last year - there was never a 'right time' until then, to oust the little bugger!

I just believe in following my instincts regarding them. The only times I haven't I've fucked up.

Flightattendant - you are guaranteed the place now. There is a legal thing that a school has to keep the place open for him if you defer. But he has to start in the Easter of Reception. (If he were 5 earlier in the year he would have to start the term after his 5th birthday).

ds1 skipped reception due to moving counties/education policies. He went to a very relaxed, unstructured nursery class 2.5 hrs a day from the age of 3.5 and that's all.

He taught himself to read at an early age, but had done very little/no writing.

Because he was coming here into a class where the children had already been in full-time formal education for a year, and there seemed to be a big focus on writing, I taught him correct letter formation over the summer holidays.

I think this skipping reception was absolutely the best thing for him. He's now 12 (summer birthday) and has always done extremely well at school, but I think formal education at 4 would have knocked the stuffing out of him in many ways.

Deferring meant (IMO) he established a stronger sense of his own character and personality, his imagination and creativity and he's never lost it.

When ds2 was 4 there wasn't the legal protection there is now and we were told he would lose the place if he didn't attend YR. I am sorry now that I didn't take the risk and keep him home for YR too. I think it would have done him more good.

i think thats all you can do, follow your instincts. Your child, your choices

My ds is in reception. The later birthdays (jan-aug) all went half days for the first term. Even now the head is quite happy for you to keep them at home if they're tired..

Personally, I wouldn't skip reception, as this lays the foundation of everything else they learn in infants. Reception for me is where they learn to learn, ie how to sit quietly, make friends, learn routines. I know children can learn these at home, but it's different when they're surrounded by 25 other children.

HTH

Flight - the being beaten up and you not knowing, the drinking nothing and the not going to the toilet would be critical issues for me if I thought that there was any chance of that happening with ds - I can see why you are concerned. If that had happened with my ds, I would also be seriously considering not putting ds in reception either. But, I think that the issues is not whether your child is ready for school, it is whether school is properly set up to deal with young children. I think that it is totally unacceptable that your ds1 was in this situation. I would be checking that there are proceedures and structures in place to ensure that the children are cared for properly in reception - and that means, at this age, making sure that they go to the toilet and that they have a drink during the day. I can quite understand why you're anxious!

Yes, my 4.1yr old child is an August baby. I triple checked as there was no way she could be expected to go to school at 4 years and 1 month but she was. Funnily enough she is exceptionally bright so has done okay even with a crap teacher.

Roisin - is that really so, that if we apply and get the place, we can then defer? I am surprised, thankyou so much for that info - I have a feeling though she will NOT be pleased about it.

Your ds sounds so wonderful

Bobblehat your school sounds pretty good and flexible. I worry about him missing all that stuff too tbh. I just wish they ALL started at 5/6.

Mistle, this is it - the school ds1 started at was HUGE with a 2 class intake, 30 kids in each and nowhere NEAR enough teaching staff to handle the kids...nobody got to speak to a teacher, there was almost zero communication, it was frantic.

He got lost in the melee. He loved it socially, but it was tooo much for a tiny child to take on.
I wonder if this school would indeed be better set up for looking after the tinies.

I hated the fact he still had a nap on non school days, needed reminding to do everything, even to eat - he needed a parent, not a teacher handling 29 other kids. I felt I was failing him, or they were...someone was!

Glad your 4.1 has done OK Fab. That is good to know.

The more I go over what went on at his first school the more I see that they were not a good school...not for the receptioners anyway.

It was far, far from ideal. I've felt terribly guilty all this time for moving the poor little fellow. He loved his friends there.

When DS2 (started at 4.2, not 4.3) was only doing mornings he would come home, have lunch and go to bed. Just getting up in time to go get the older ones from school. Some nights he asks to be put to bed.