Is it right that children should be punished becasue of the reaction of another child to their actions?

[lisbey]

DS1 (yr4) has will miss his morning and lunch breaks tomorrow as a punishment for his behaviour today. He's generally well behaved and has never had any kind of formal punishment at school before.

They had wet play today and were confined to the classroom. Apparently "B" was being annoying, insisting that the shop DS1 and 2 other boys wanted to play with was closed. DS1 and friends then spent breaktime annoying him back, apparently by following him around the classroom.

It sounds like this either wasn't spotted or wasn't dealt with by the lunch time staff, but as a result, B, who according to the teacher has special needs that the other children are usually very sensitive to, "trashed" the classroom this afternoon.

B has been excluded until Friday. DS1 and friends will miss their breaks tomorrow, but the way the teacher explained it to me, she felt obliged to take action because of the reaction of B, rather than the actual actions of the other 3 boys.

I have supported the school and talked to DS1 about not being led by others, standing up for the vulnerable and never being deliberately unkind to anyone, which TBH (and teacher agrees) is how he usually behaves. Teacher also said he was the honest one and owned up to what had happened, whilst refusing to name names of the others, but there's something making me a little uneasy. What do you think?

they were bullying him though

I think it's fair enough to keep them in - they are old enough to know not to annoy someone with special needs that I assume they are fully aware of, especially in a group.

What reaction did they boys expect from B? They knew he has special needs.

Don't, please, be one of those parents who always blames other kids. Whatever the provocation, following a kid round class annoying him (particularly when they know he has special needs ) is bullying. Lesson learned if they miss their break

In this instance yes, your ds had the decency to be honest and admitted that he had been teasing the other boy, he needs to take his punishment and understand the consequences of his actions.

Yea sounds a bit much to me. If this child trashed the classroom then they shouldnt be held responsible for that surely. I mean the rest of it sounds like normal child behaviour to me. Children can be friends one day and be terribly annoyed and not friends with the same person two hrs later. My son is 11 and we had an incident the other day where other children were jumping the queue at lunch..my son told lunch time staff who had seen it happen yet they did nothing about it..then my son got into trouble because he reacted to this and was not happy..i wonder if my son had done it they'd have probably punished him straight away. In my day if you jumped the lunch queue or any other queue at school you would be sent to the back of the queue.

I think the school is right. There were 3 boys winding this boy up. It's a good lesson for your son, so that he doesn't get used to behaving like this. If he got away with it, he may end up doing worse in the future. So don't worry about it, it will help your son in the long run.

If these children have been in the same class since reception, then they know about B's needs. Besides, most children will react to being taunted, especially if they feel they have been ganged up on.

You have done the right thing in supporting the school. B's punishment is much more severe. Congratulate your son on owning up but don't undermine the (deserved and really quite mild) punishment.

School is right. If it were my ds I would want him to be punished to enforce the lesson.

sounds like they did the right thing imo, they had to punish them for bullying the other boy.

Sounds like there was inadequete supervision. If I was B's parents I would be quite upset my child had been provoked enough to cause him to do something bad enough to be suspended. I might also be put out the other boys werent suspended too. Reality is there actions caused this reaction

He is being punished for his part, B is being punished for his.
Sounds fair to me.

My daughter is 4yrs old and she wouldnt understand what bullying or special needs is.
Im sorry but children will annoy each other at times and they can be rather cruel regardless of how they are brought up and im sorry but in the real world people will annoy you but you cant go around trashing classrooms and expecting other people, let alone small children to make allowances for that..they may have know he was special needs but a child of 4 still wouldnt really register what that means.

Bitcat -- OP's son is yr 4 (not age 4), so presumably 9 or so. Sounds like this punishment will be more than enough to give a basically nice child a nudge back on track, and well done to the OP for reinforcing the anti-teasing message here.

He's year 4, not age 4 BITCAT.

I think the school have done the right thing.

Yes your son should be punished, it doesn't matter what the other child's reaction was he should not have provoked or teased him.

Year 4, not age 4. They are 8/9, quite old enough to know that 3 boys picking on one is not fair (to say the least). School are absolutely in the right.

Well done to your son for owning up, OP.

i personally wouldnt call it bullying, just kids being kids. Just remember the boy b was annoying them first by being mean basically, they reacted to him annoying them and as they are children. Im all for teaching lessons to children and correcting there behaviour, but i dont think losing both playtimes is really going to help maybe lose one of them but if children dont expell there energy in my experience it makes behaviour worse.

I think the punishment fits the crime (or misdemeanor, rather!) and it sounds as if the teacher is handling the situation appropriately.

I'm a firm believer that it isn't always what you mean by an action but the way that it is received that constitutes harrassment (too strong a word perhaps in these circs, but you get my drift).

I'm impressed that in his fifth year at school, this is your ds's first formal punishment - you (and the school) must be doing something right

My son now has a Time Out card that he uses to leave situations where he's about to blow, otherwise he would be 'B'
Every time he's had a suspension or internal exclusion I've been able to trace the fuse that lead to the explosion.
It's a good learning opportunity for all of them, for the group that it's possible to go too far and it has a consequence, and for B that he needs support and reinforcement to help him cope with average, annoying Y4 behaviour.

I have been in the situation of having a child b. Yes, my child needed to be punished for his (sometimes) extreme reactions, but he was also subject to deliberate winding up by a group of boys. sometimes it was bullying. And it used to upset me - and my ds - greatly that they got away with it. Even when they deliberately followed him round, chanting and poking him.

so in this case, i think the school were right. and agree, your son did very well to own up.

OMG goblin - do we have the same ds?? That's what we did too.

(he is 9 now and has learned to control his emotions pretty well now - but he has been separated from the gang who used to wind him up)

Don't be so bloody PFB.

Child called 'B' did wrong - excluded til Friday. Done.

Your child and others did something with the intent of winding up Child 'B' - punished. Done.

Yours misses break, B excluded: sounds proportionate.

Also, your kid kept following B just because B said the shop was shut? Tell yourself and your DS to let it go.

This isn't about special needs and it isn't about 'reactions'. Your child who is 9 took the piss and got caught. Had B not been punished I might wonder, but they were 9 yr old kids acting up and all got punished.