Moving a child from state to private as school has been crap with SEN-how do we explain this to DS?

[BaronessBarbaraKingstanding]

Ok-deep breath-we've finally decided to move our DS2 to private school.

He is 6yrs old in Yr2, very young and immature developementally, struggling with literacy, school gave him an IEP but don't seem to consistently implement it depsite pestering and, he now think he's the 'rubbishist' in the class.

So we are moving him to a local private school, where he is going to be put back a year into Yr1 (hooray!!!) and where class sizes are 12 (hooray!!)

But we have not yet discussed this with him. We are arranging for him to visit next week.

He is very socialable has lots of friends at his presnet school, and I know he will not wnat to move and will not understand why he has to (his older brother will be staying at the school.)

So please please plesae advise me on approaching this. how to prepare him? Hpw to explain it? how to ease the transition.

I feel in turmoil, very relieved but also very sad.

I would just tell him that you have found another school that you think he will like and that he will make new friends soon.

Children tend not to why and wherefore too much. There is a great deal that they don't understand and often we try to explain when they don't care why - they just need to know that you will help them.
If you think about it we rarely explain whythey have to go to school at all - just help them through the 'worrying' bits

You may be lucky, he may love the new one. Find some aspects you like and play that up. When DD wanted to go to the same school as one of her friends I just told her that the school she was going to had lots more gym and she would be able to do ballet..

It doesn't need to be more complicated than that. Just make sure he knows that youunderstand that he will miss his friends and that that is hard - don't brush over it.

Having been through this myself as a child and just helped a girl friend go through the same thing with her boy in year 4.
First of all big up the fabulous stuff like longer school holidays and more sport. Does the new school do extra type things in the regular school day? Again another thing to big up.
He also sounds a very switched on boy so explaining to him that there are alot less children so the teacher can spend more time with him I think would go down well.
My girlfriends little boy came home and said his first week at the new school was the second best of his whole life (first best being week with 2 days at longleat and 2 days at legoland) so I hope it will be as positive for you too.

Oh thank you thank you thank you for responsding!! (can you tell I'm rather overly emotional about all this?)

I was thinking of saying that this school is more fun and does more of the stuff he likes like art and history, I don't know if this is true though.

I think he will make friends easily when he gets there, he is quite a happy go lucky boy, but I think it may all seem rather confusing to him.

I just keep thinking '12 in a class, 12 in a class!!!' but then 'oh God how do I tell him??'

I know it's the right decision for him but it feels very hard.

Oh chicken - it will be fine!

In my personal experience ( and this is obviously not true everywhere) there tends to be more time available for things like PE ( if he likes that ). DD is years 2 as well. She does lots of art, they have french too and she does gym club, drama club and is learning chess in a nother lunchtime club thingy.
Could you get a schedule ofthe activity clubs they have - there may be something on there available to him that you know he will love?

I moved my ds also for the same reasons.

He did a couple of days to see how it was, and he loved it.
I also did all the stuff like talking about the smaller class sizes, more holidays, more fun things to do. He now does art club, and piano and has lots of drama and sport. And they actually talk to the children!

I also made a big effort to keep up with playdates with his old school friends. These have fallen by the wayside now as he has made good friends there.

We did have an incident a couple of weeks in when he clearly found the change overwhelming, and asked to go back to his old school, (which was heartbreaking) but I just said give it a term and we will see. He was fine.

He is a different child now, and adores his school. He does say he misses his old friends, but absolutely not the school or the teachers!

Good luck. It was the best move ever for ds.

I moved our dd for similar reasons. We took her to visit first, and she liked it and asked to go there. It's another state school but quite different from her old one, where it was too pushy and all about results. dd just switched off in the end and was learning practically nothing! There are more 'fun' activities at this school, plus loads more after school clubs, so stress that aspect with your ds. I'd have liked dd to be kept down in yr 1 instead of going into yr 2, but being state school they wouldn't allow this. Your ds will be fine I'm sure, be v positive about how much it will help him - you are doing the right thing

How old was your DS when you moved him MD?
how long has he now been at his new school?

I imagine that my DS will keep up with his friends as they all go the Beavers together which he can continue and I am friends with his friends mums. I'm not sure though whether a 'clean break' would be easier rather than seeing all the others who are 'still there' when he's notr IYSWIM.

I feel like the very best thing will be going into the lower year group, he is young in the year anyeay (june birthda) and I'ver always manitained that if he'd just had an extra year...and now we have a chance to give him that!

He was just short of nine (moved end of April, also a June baby) and has been there since last easter.

I moved my ds (severe ASD) last Easter. He went into a special school with class size of 10.

ds hates change and I was worried about how he would cope but my concerns were unfounded. ds seemed to "know" he was in a happy place that valued him and responded so well to that.

I do understand your concerns but try not to over worry. Tell your ds that x is his new school as a fact in as relaxed manner as you can, talk about the things your ds likes and how he can do them at the new school - we kept it very simple and told ds it was a happy school as this is what he needed to hear (his old school had not been happy)

Good luck

children at that age are remarkably resilient , my dd changed schools at the start of yr 2 are a very traumatic closing of her first school ( short notice, children told by older sibs who had seen it in newspaper before us parents knew etc et) I took her to see new school, gave no option of alternatives, just said " today we are of to see a new school...( big smile) it is lovely , lots of space, they do art and gym and lots more sport an dhave heaps more playing fields than school x , I think you will love it because you can do all the things you are good at , wont that be fun ( another big smile) " I was quite brisk but very upbeat, your new school wil almost certainly have a little boy ready to be your son's buddy , and on trial days they always seem to give the newbies such a great time most kids come out positiviely brimming with it all. good luck , remeber he is only 6 he will not even remeber this in 10 yrs time !

oops "after a very ..."

It may not be an issue for you, but are you aware that by going private you won't be able to access educational psychologists, etc. unless you pay, or statutory assessments, etc.?

I have friends whose child has been dx with SN, and they have just taken her out of private school into state so that she can be supported, because any additional support had to be paid for and they couldn't afford it.

hi Lou, you can still get referrals through your GP for Ed Psych and SALT physio/OT and other agency input.

You just wont get any funding for in-school support. My ds' school do still support him though.