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Ds has poor concentration, so his paed has just suggested I pay him to do his homework and then he can save up for an xbox

47 replies

MrsMorgan · 24/11/2009 10:53

Ds was pretty non comittal until he heard the word xbox.

Basically the idea is, that if he does his homework without fuss, and concentrates properly then he gets 10p. Although generally, I do not agree with paying children to do their homework, I am willing to try it.

I am waiting though until ds realises that 10p a week is not going to get him an xbox for a very very long time, because then all hell will break loose and he will think I have folled him.

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MrsMorgan · 24/11/2009 10:53

fooled

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2shoes · 24/11/2009 10:55

10p a week would take forever
seems a bit of a con to me

chopstheduck · 24/11/2009 10:57

He might give up and buy something cheaper, or couldn't you afford to bribe him a bit more so he actually can get a proper reward for it?

ds is bribed £1 each to do his spellings and times tables. So far he has bought a couple of ds games but now he is saving up to buy a PC! I've told him it is very expensive but he is adament, and he is actually rather good at saving when he has set his mind on something so I'm not sure what will happen.

MrsMorgan · 24/11/2009 10:58

Yes exactly, although she did say I could give more if I wanted to, which I don't, because how much will I then be paying out when he is 15 and doesn't want to/can't do his coursework.

I just think it is dodging the issue.

She did agree with me that the school telling me he works alot better in a small group and then not actually putting him in small groups was plain daft and needs addressing. She also agreed that his IEP needs reviewing asap because they are not sticking to it.

Her opinion was that if he can learn to concentrate in a small group then he will eventually learn to concentrate in a large group.

Hmm , it's all a bit 'maybe maybe not' to me.

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MrsMorgan · 24/11/2009 11:00

I could afford to give him £1 say, but I don't really agree with this. I will end up having to pay his sisters to do their homework then too, and I think ds needs to understand that there are certain things in life that you just have to do.

I am willing to do as they have asked, I just think it is a bit of a stupid idea.

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seeker · 24/11/2009 11:01

10p is completely ridiculous - it would take him over a month to buy a Mars Bar, ffs!

Does he have a diagnosed condition that makes it hard for him to concentrate?

choosyfloosy · 24/11/2009 11:02

I'd be pretty about an HCP who said this in my son's presence! In fact, scratch that, I'd be

I don't like the thought of money for homework I have to say, but maybe it's worth a try. I think you need to have a chat with him about exactly how long it's going to take, plus one of those temperature charts for the whole price ? 10p per homework session is a start, presumably he could start doing other things - paper round? hamster-sitting for other kids? - that are a bit more lucrative.

TBH If his attention is that bad, isn't he going to struggle with concentrating on computer games? Or am I just an old fogey ?

MrsMorgan · 24/11/2009 11:03

Not yet seeker no, but his concentration has been an issue since reception, and now he is in yr2.

He currently has an iep which isn't really stuck to, and a teacher who thinks he is lovely (which he is), but who seems to think this will make up for everything else.

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chopstheduck · 24/11/2009 11:16

I never liked the idea of bribery much, but when you are an adult you work and get paid, so I don't think it is such a bad thing to teach them. I don't give pocket money at all, but they get money for their tests, so I'm not really forking out extra.

I won't pay them to do chores at home, because housework is one of those things taht do have to be done without reward, as part of living together as a family!

I do agree though, i'd be pretty peed off if the paed said things like that in front of ds!

I thinkt he temperature guauge is a fantastic idea, I'm gonna make one of them for my ds!

seeker · 24/11/2009 11:31

I'm happy with bribery for getting them to do extra stuff (not normal chores thay they do because they belong to the family, for example) - it works well for some children.

I am not happy with the 10p - it sounds really patronizing to suggest to a year 2 child that he can save up for an x box 10p at a time. Sooner or later he'll realize and be justifiably outraged.

PrettyCandles · 24/11/2009 11:34

I would feel very about this. I don't know what your ds's health issues are, but TBH lots of boys in Y2 have difficulty concentrating.

Hoemwork in Y2 should not be something that you need to sit and work at for long periods. My dc got/get some spellings, reading, and one or at most two short worksheets per week. I would never bribe them to do it. I try to encourage them to do their homework for the sense of achievement, the reward of moving on to a new list, the freedom of not having it hanging over them when they want to play, etc.

Things that have helped us:

Change the focus. My favourite is in spellings. Instead of sitting at a table with pencil and paper and plodding through the list, we might do it out-of-doors, in pavement chalks on the patio floor. Or three words at a time in chalk on the blackboard.

REading the schoolbook can be part of the bedtime routine, or a cuddle on the sofa - it doesn't need to be 'formal'. It can ivnolve talking about what you have read or what you think is going to happen.

Written work can be done standing at the kitchen table, rather than trying and failing to sit still in a chair. It can be done with a biscuit and drink, break for a snack in the middle if needed. I have many times sent my ds to run a circuit round the ddownstairs to get rid of the wriggles before sitting down again to complete the task.

I think it is important to go through the work very briefly afterwards, with the child, praising their efforts, and praising their concentration.

The nearest thing we get to a bribe for homework, here, is to tell ds1 (y4) that he can only play Wii or similar after he has done 30mins of any of his homework.

PrettyCandles · 24/11/2009 11:36

Oh, and homework doesn't need to be completed in one session.

Addictedtothepc · 24/11/2009 11:39

What age is he? Why is the homework so important - what is he going to learn from it - do you think it's boring because homework don't have to be, not if it's set correctly.
Personally, I'm not a fan of paying kids to do school work - I feel it makes the child focus on the reward rather than helping them develop a long term love of learning.

tiredemma · 24/11/2009 11:44

I have found that making my boys do their homework at the kitchen table, while I am in there cooking tea etc has helped them both with their concentration and attitude towards it.
They hated the idea of sitting in a quiet area, much better now its a bit more interactive ( me not just sat right next to them exasperated at their lack of desire to do any work!!)

MrsMorgan · 24/11/2009 13:06

Sorry I dissapeared, my mum popped in.

Just to answer a few questions, he is nearly 7, and his main problems are his poor concentration, handwriting and school are a bit concerned about how vocal he is regarding the fact that he doesn't want to be there.

He has been having 2 homework sheets a week plus spellings and a reading book. The sheets should I suppose take about 15 minutes each, but they take alot longer because I am constantly having to retell him what he is supposed to be doing.

I tell him in advance when we will be doing the homework so that it isn't so stressful but tbh that doesn't work, he still cries for ages beforehand. He said he finds the work too hard, but from watching him when he does do the work I think what he finds hard is focusing on what he is supposed to do.

I can't not sit with him to do the homework because he needs me to constantly remind him what he is doing, and get his attention back to the task.
If I told him what to do and then got up and pottered about then within 5 minutes he'd be stuck, or fidgetting on his chair, or staring into space.

When he gets home, I am going to explain to him that even if I give him 50p a week, it will take a very long time to save for the xbox, and ask him if he can think of something else he'd like to save for.

I am not against games consoles for children, but he already has a ds which I have to time limit quite strictly, and so even if I had the money he'd not be having an xbox.

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PrettyCandles · 24/11/2009 13:15

What does he eat when he gets home from school?

I find that if I give my dc biscuits on the way home from school then they are more likely to fight and to struggle to sit down and do their homework. When we go home by car instead of walking, I don't give them a snack until they get home. Then we get so busy that sometimes I forget! Which is actually a good thing, because I find that they are much more settled on those evenings, much less likely to argue, and much more likely to settle to their hoemeowkr. If they ask for something then I give them something like water and a peanut butter sandwich. Juice after the sandwich, fi tehy want. That doesn't seem to hype them up nearly as much as biscuits, and doesn't affect their appetites for supper, either.

The thread here appears to be sugary food -> lack of concentrationand cooperation, no sugar or low sugar foods -> much calmer and better concentration.

And for years I was convinced that my dc were not the sugar-high types!

MrsMorgan · 24/11/2009 13:19

He only gets a snack if he actually asks for one or says he is hungry and most of the time he doesn't mention it.
If he does have a snack then it is always once we are home, and usually is 1 biscuit and either squash or milk or water.

I stopped doing his homework of a weekend because he seemed to react alot worse then and moan that it was his weekend and he shouldn't have to do work. I though ok, fair enough and so now we do some on a Monday night and some on a Tuesday night.
He seems to accept thiis now, but still can't get into actually doing it.

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seeker · 24/11/2009 13:44

So he can concentrate on the DS?

MrsMorgan · 24/11/2009 13:49

Yes but personally I think that is different because he gets completely lost in it, which is why I have to limit it.

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PrettyCandles · 24/11/2009 13:54

Why not try giving him a snack when you get home, before settling down to doing some homework? Something non-sugary, like a peanut butter or cheese sandwich, or oatcakes, with milk or water. Young children don't always notice that they are hungry or thirst, IME.

PixieOnaLeaf · 24/11/2009 14:07

This reply has been deleted

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walkthedinosaur · 24/11/2009 14:17

Mrs Morgan I think we share the same son. I don't pay mine to do homework but I reward him with DS time. So basically no DS on a school day which has always been a rule he's happy with, but on his days off school, 30 mins homework means 60 mins DS time and he seems quite happy with that, although does try and argue it out sometimes.

We do have tears and tantrums and stuff about homework, but to be honest my DS lacks concentration at school so he needs to do the work at home so he doesn't lag behind, he's struggling enough as it is at the moment.

Tortington · 24/11/2009 14:18

i think

"DO YOUR HOMEWORK NOW"

is sufficiant

wouldnt pay to do homework

chopstheduck · 24/11/2009 14:19

I agree with the snack thing. I have to meet my ds outside school with somethign to eat, otherwise he is a terror.

SofiaAmes · 24/11/2009 14:34

I had exactly the same issues with my ds at that age. He's now 9 and in 4th grade and it has gotten much better. A couple of suggestions...let him learn how to touchtype and then let him type any writing assignments. The bbc has an excellent website for kids to learn to type. Many boys truly have an enormously hard time with handwriting...it's something to do with a bad connection in the brain, but it really is as hard for them as they are claiming it is. I told my ds that once he had taught himself how to type, I would make it ok with his teacher to type all his assignments. They are big on computers at his school, so teacher never even resisted. Now in 4th Grade they have a few computers in the classroom (as opposed to just the computer lab) and his teacher even lets him type his in class writing.

In addition, get his eyes properly tested by a optometrist consultant (not the hack at the local Boots). You will need to get a referral from your gp for this. My ds wore glasses from 2 -4 years, so gets his eyes properly checked each year, and it turned out that the optometrist found that he had a problem with his pursuits and siccaeds (sp?) which is his ability to smoothly and accurately track his eyes along a line of writing (or a ball) and explained why he had such a hard time learning how to read. It can be fixed with exercises (and often fixes itself with age), but really helpful to be aware of.

Also make sure he is getting enough sleep and healthy snacks (milk and fruit, NOT squash and a biscuit) before he starts his homework. And make sure he gets some fresh air and playtime before he does his homework. I also find that giving my son a time limit helps. Rather than telling him that he has to sit and work until he finishes his homework, I tell him that he has 20 minutes to do it in.

It will get better as he gets older. But also be prepared that he might never be as fast as the rest of the class (or in my case as his younger sister).