Almost every day I feel I've chosen the wrong school for dd (Year R)- anyone else?

[diymadness]

DD is in Year R and loving school life, can't wait to get in there each morning. She is doing OK socially, not brilliant but I think that's just her, nothing to blame the school for at all.

The problem is with me- I have a sicky feeling some mornings when I get back from the school run that I have chosen the wrong school for her. We chose an out of catchment school for her and unexpectedly, she got in. The walk to school is mainly down a busy road, which is worrying, and I hate not seeing a soul until I get 3/4 of the way there, just feel like we shouldn't be going all the way there and don't really belong there. There's no logic behind this I guess- I have some good Mum friends at this school. DD's current school is Ofsted grade 2 and the catchment one which is the one I often wished I'd chosen is grade 3. I've kind of told myself that we WILL move dd at some point but she would not be happy initially and then there's the question of when and if there's a space. DD2 is due to start school in 2011 so definitely want to resolve these feelings before she starts. Has anyone else been in this situation and did you just stick with it or make the (seemingly) massive decision to change schools?

If your DD is happy and your happy with the education that she is getting then why would you want to change her school. What happens if you do change schools and she has ongoing problems?

Yes that is the huge concern obviously and the thing that stops me doing it. I just wish I could shake the feeling of my school being 'not right'. The busy road I really don't like and I know that even if something fairly minor happened, I would want to change schools in an instant.

Are you the sort of person who would change schools and then rack yourself with worry that that was the wrong decision too?

Why don't you suspend any decision to do anything until the end of the year, and in the meantime make sure you are so busy with other interesting things that you do not have time to dwell on this issue.

Ha ha yes good point. The reality is I do regret my choice but I think I'll have to live with that at the moment. I agree there isn't a big enough reason to move her at the moment.

It sounds more like a problem with you than the school, to be a bit blunt.
If she is happy there and doing well and the school has good reports then that is great.
If you are panicky about the walk to school then that is not something worth taking DD out of a good school she is happy at for, honestly.
Are you coping well apart from this walk to school? Do you think its something you are focusing on because you are stressed in general?
If it really is just the walk and everything else in life is rosy, then can you think of any ways to make the walk more bearable? can you get a lift with someone else going your way to avoid walking along the busy road? take a bus? (even if takes as long or longer), or walk a longer but more relaxing way??

I personally wouldn't change schools. Ok so the main road is an issue but loads of schools are off really busy roads especially if you live somewhere rural.
So many kids are really unhappy in reception year so if your DD is happy then I really don't think it is worth the risk unless there are issues with the education she is receiving.

I know that very often the advice is to go with the gut feel ... but your daughter is happy, you don't have any reservations about the quality of education she is geting from the school and there are no guarantees that changing will be better.

I am not sure that I have done the altogether right thing for my daughter ITO school chioce, but I don't think that rocking her boat now would be beneficial either ??

I suppose the thing to do is to think of the positives (happy, settled in) and it might mitigate the uncertainty you have WRT the school choice?

OK point taken, would be awful to change DD and then for her to be unhappy, am going to forget about it all until the Summer at least. Yes, main reasons are the walk and that friends aren't so local as they could be. Most of our immediate neighbours are, or will be using the local school. I made the decision originally to go for the school with the better reputation (but I didn't love either school) but have since realised that going to the local school, having more local friends etc. is more important to me than a better ofsted in the infant years. But don't worry, I know deep down there has to be more of a reason to change

If it makes you feel any better, I went to a primary school a car ride away on the other side of town (religious reasons) while all of the neighbouring children went to the nearest school a short walk away. It really didn't cause me any problems, I just ended up with twice as many friends! I had friends from school, but would also play with the neighbourhood children in the evenings and holidays.

Yes itsafleshwound, you're absolutely right to think of the positives. I'm very lucky that dd is at a good school and she's happy. I just hate days when I feel this regret!!!

What's wrong with the road? So it's busy - you walk on the pavement don't you? Or is it a rural road without?

Either way I would suggest cycling with her. You can get a tagalong bike to attach to an adult bike and then when she is a bit bigger she can cycle solo. Lots of lights, flags and relective jackets and you would be fine. I cyclce on busy roads with myc children and the beefits are immense, you boost your confidence and skills, boost their level of road awareness in a way walking just can't do and you get where you want to be quicker. It's healthy too and you get a great sense of well being from exercise. The far away friends would be a lot closer if you cycled. Your local council may run cycling training for adults. You could do that first to boost your confidence - tbh it sounds like YOU do need a bit of a self esteem/confidence boost. Why not go for it?

I think that its a shame that the reason you went for the school in the first place was that it had a higher ofsted score than your local school. at the end of the day grade 3 ( satisfactory ) is still ok and who knows a number of factors _not necessarily standard of teaching could account for the difference in scores. When I chose my DC'S primary school I chose my local school around the corner from my house instead of the Catholic primary they could have gone to which was a bus ride away.Now my DS can walk home from school as he is in Juniors I still collect my dd2 who is still in infants.All their friends live locally and go to their school.But I agree with a lot of the other comments that if she is happy and settled and making friends it will be traumatic for her to move her now, I would leave her where she is other wise you could be creating problems for her and you as you will constantly worry as to whether you have done the right thing

Is there a space in the catchment school? If so, and you feel for whatever reason you've made the wrong choice (maybe just by going out of catchment, when your catchment school is fine) then I would just bite the bullet and move her asap. I know people locally who've done the same thing - got into the whole "we must look at loads of schools and choose the best one, irrespective of distance, parental choice is the way forward", and then when their DC have started they have realised how insane they were being and moved them to their catchment / closest school.

Sorry I've only just seen the last 2 messages.

busymummy- as I said further up, I didn't love either of the schools tbh so you have to start looking at the Ofsted's, Ofsted's of the adjoining junior schools and other considerations. I had a big gripe (don't want to go into it now) about the catchment school after visiting which is ultimately why I chose dd to go to the slightly out of catchment one. BUT I still realise the huge benefits of going to the most local school hence starting this thread.

Bramshott- we are the people you are describing!! The parental choice thing is not always a good thing!

Well, have been feeling better about dd at this school. She loves it soo much and hates not going at the weekends and I don't want to risk that changing even though I think we were a bit daft with our decision.

'DD is in Year R and loving school life, can't wait to get in there each morning. '

I don't think that you could ask for more! If you had chosen a different one you would probably still be questioning it.

OK so I'm back . I still have all the same feelings about wanting to move dd to the catchment school. I can't keep sweeping this under the carpet all the time I don't think. To anyone who has changed their dc's school- is it best if they start in September or mid-term (before year 1 starts)? I have no idea if they have any spaces but would think not, so would probably depend on when a space came up. What a mess!

I'd be having another look at the catchment school. If you still don't love it, and dd is happy at the other school I'd leave it. Are there any after school clubs she could go to to mix with the local kids? Where I live there are 2 infants that feed into the same juniors and ds went to beavers which had a mix of children from both infants. When he went to juniors he already knew a lot of the kids from the other school.

But basically if she's happy and you're happy with the education she's getting I'd leave it. Changing schools for no real reason can be difficult for children - we changed schools due to a house move and it really does take a while for them to settle

I DRIVE around 15 - 20 mins each morning to drop my daughter at school and I am happy to do so as to me this was the best school for her, even though my closest schools are also Ofsted excellent rated (we are very lucky).

Now my 3 year old got into the infant school (for which my DD's school is the feeder) and I am ecstatic - even though it will mean I have to do the trip three times a day when she starts but its worth it.

At least you can walk to school!

How much are you expecting the school to do for your own wellbeing (rather than your dd's)? Is there anywhere else that could fill that same gap for you? The reason I ask is that ime getting social input from the school gates is only for a very limited time anyway. My ds is 9 and already I have no contact with his school other than the purely educational. He has a good social life, but it's less and less to do with me. Otoh I am getting back to work and back to having a more adult social life.

Your hand may be forced into a decision anyway when you apply and are offered a school place for DD2.

You said you were surprised to get a place so presumably it is an oversubscribed school. If it is a popular school, and the birth rate for your DD2s year was high, then it could be that you may not get a place at DD1s school for DD2, but do get a catchment place. Out of catchment siblings in our area come below other catchment children.

I'm assuming you'd prefer to have them both at the same school. So you may have to move her then.

Has your DD got any friends at the more local school? If not, I honestly think you'd be mad to move her.

Given the number of posts I read on here about children who are not happy in school or are having issues with various things, I really would not advise you to move your child.

The school is obviously within walking distance (our's isn't - it's 5 miles away). What's going to happen when you don't get the right feeling about the catchment area school? or if there's an issue you can't resolve?

Sometimes it is necessary to move a child from one school to another - for various reasons, but I think that should be a last resort not a whim.

what do your friends think the mums that is. Does your dd have friends she sees after school, are you happy with the teaching etc...