Is this how bullying starts? Should I do anything?

[Runoutofideas]

DD1 (4.8) is in reception. She is a fairly quiet character and a bit small for her age. She gets on well with the quieter girls and doesn't tend to have much to do with boisterous, rough and tumble play.

Twice though in the first half term I was called to collect her early from school as she had fallen and banged her nose badly. I initially put both times down to bad luck, and not watching what she was doing. The second time however she said that child B pushed her over. The TA said she "bounced off" another child. Child B is a large boy - he's only 4 but looks about 7! At the time though I didn't really think much of it.

This morning however, going back into school after a week off to have her adenoids out and grommets fitted, child B comes straight over to my dd and says in a quite aggressive tone "I'm stronger than you". His mum did pull him up on it and told him to be nice, but it's got me wondering if there's more to this than meets the eye. Maybe he is quite literally throwing his weight around a bit and picking on smaller children.....

Sorry for the ramble, my question is, would you do anything/say anything to the teacher or just monitor it and see if anything else happens? Thanks

I'd would advise you speak to the teacher as well as monitoring yourself. If only to let the teacher be ware that you are aware of what is going on.

If two children collide in the playground they will both say 'He/she pushed me over'. This is true as it is their perception of the incident but it is not usually anyone's fault!

You have to worm out information at this age with lots of obvious questions. Was it an accident? (if they know what this means) Was he running at the time? Were you? Did he fall and take you down with him? Did you just bump into each other? Were other children around? Did they get bumped as well?

Can you tell I've been there lots of times?
(And given innocent boys unjustified evil looks I'm sorry to say)

Thanks

Phobic - That's what I thought had happened initially, that it was a mutual bumping where she came off worst. I think I even said to her at the time, "if you are going to bump into somebody don't choose the boy who is twice your size!"

It just seemed odd that he made a point of coming over to her this morning after she had not been there for a week to assert his superior strength.....

Interesting you should ask this - my DS (also about 4.8) also got "bumped" yesterday by one of the boys in his class and has a huge shiner on his eye. I am not sure whether it was an accident, although that's how DS seems to be treating it, so I am following his lead. I understand the "pusher" received some sort of age-appropriate punishment (removal of some "golden time" or something, I think). DS's teacher had just told me at parents' evening a couple of days ago that all the boys in DS's class get on very well and play very well together and that DS is well-liked, so I'm really hoping this is a one-off.

Definitely keep a watch out, but if possible I'd try not to let DD know you're worried. Ask questions of your DD but in a fairly breezy way, be sympathetic of course if she's hurt by her encounters but don't make too much of them. If DD sees you're worried she may play it up, IYKWIM. Ask the teacher casually if there is something else going on - you never know, your DD might have said something that provoked the boy, not to justify his actions if they were deliberate, just to say that your DD might be able to avoid these encounters by a very slight change in her own behaviour. If this happens again with my DS this is what I intend to do. Hope it helps and that the encounters soon stop!

i tghink its most likely to be a playground collision to be honest

Thanks everyone.

A bit of gentle interrogation is leading me to believe that she gets caught up in "chasing games" which she doesn't really want to play, which then results in the bumps. I told her that if she doesn't want to play to just stand still, as it's no fun to chase her then. She said she tried it today and it worked...."he ran off after someone else...". Fingers crossed this is the end of it, but I will be a bit more alert to any potential problems from now on.

Mommybunny - hope your ds's black eye goes down soon and that it is just a one-off.

Has it occurred to you that this bigger child has probably had a bit of a talking to (or two) from his Mum and/or the teachers along the lines of "you're much bigger and stronger than mini-runoutofideas/other children - you must be more gentle when you're playing...".

And he then in typical 5 year old fashion runs up to your dd saying "I'm much stronger than you..."

Remember they're really small, they're not being purposefully mean to each other at this age, they are all just finding out how to get on with this new experience of being with lots of other children at school.

BreadandJam - you could well be spot on. His mum was very quick to check whether he was "being nice", so maybe the way he plays has been hot topic in his house hence the comment to dd1. I'm honestly not trying to persecute an innocent child, but I equally don't want to go to the other extreme of allowing my child to get hurt and not doing anything about it.

RooI, it sounds like you implemented a very sound strategy - gentle "getting to the bottom of it" followed by a thoughtful solution. It's obvious your DD trusts you enough to put your strategy into practice because she could see you were being supportive without getting hysterical. I think you have also given her a valuable lesson in how to handle these situations. Well done, and fingers crossed this is the last of it!