I am worried about reception dd and friends and struggling to keep it in perspective

[frecklyspeckly]

I am ashamed to admit that I spend a good deal of time worrying about my dd. she is confident, friendly and extremely kind and considerate according to her teacher. She had a 'best' friend in nursery (yes, i know they are only little but they were inseperable). Then the summer holidays came. when we came back from the summer holidays and as happens she dropped dd- first day of big school. stopped talking to her, and the 'new' friend - i'll call her 'b'began being very unpleasant to dd. 'b'is a physically larger child and sits on dd's table. i don't know why 'b' does this but she always picks on dd and says dd is nasty and she is going to get her into trouble. she goes up to dd in the morning and shouts in her face too 'your late!'Why do this i have no idea as 'b' 'has' her friend and so no longer has any reason to view dd as competition. The first half term was dreadful with dd alone a lot of the time feeling lost and watching her best friend walk to and from school every day with b, also b's and friend's mum in each others pockets and socialising outside school non stop. I am ashamed to say i privately shed a tear for poor dd as my ds kept telling me things that were going on at school.

Anyway, things seemed to get better for dd as she palled up with another little girl but now this little girl has stopped wanting to play with dd so we are back to square one.

I just don't understand why when dd was so seemingly popular at nursery with all these children all of a sudden things seem so different at school. Please come and share any advice with me on how to stop taking this so personally as my dh is a teacher and says 'its little girls for you' and thinks I am overreacting for taking it personally on dd's behalf.

Go and speak to her teacher and find out any problems. Tell her about the other girls.

I agree speak to her teacher.

But could it be that your dd is putting too much into single friendships rather than looking to be part of a wider circle?

If your dd only had one best friend and she had moved on, then tbh I would have expected your dd to have made friends with some other children soon enough.

I would be encouraging her to make more friendships rather than just concentrating on having one best friend.

Friendships are fickle at this age, and today's friend is tomorrow's enemy and vice versa, but tbh little girls can be quite nasty with it.

It is really upsetting isn't it, but you're doing the right thing by keeping your upset about it private so your dd doesn't see you being upset.
Remember that your dd has only been at school half a term, and there will be lots of changes in friendships during this year. In these first few weeks all the children are just finding their feet, and they are all so little and just trying to cope with this big new world of school. Remember that this other child who is being 'unpleasant' to your child is also only little and won't be deliberately trying to make your dd unhappy, she's just trying to deal with all this new stuff they're being asked to cope with, in her own way.
My dd didn't even know the names of all the children in her class by the end of reception. She was rather 'adopted' as a best friend by another little girl early on, by Xmas she was friends with another group of girls, and now is best friends with someone else.
Try and be positive with your dd, look at school as an opportunity to meet lots of other children. It's also about learning how to deal with other children who might not always be nice to you and making sure that when that happens your dd knows how not to take it personally and get upset by it.

Thanks so much for taking time to reply everyone I really appreciate it and will take on board your advice.

I spoke to her teacher about a month ago, when it was very bad with the 'friend' and other girl being rather unkind, who has promised to keep an eye on the situation and also admitted in her words that b and other friend were getting a bit intense and excluding various other children and also not being very keen on playing with anyone else but eachother. She also said then dd is a caring child and she finds it very easy to speak to/ be friendly with the others so she would soon make new friends. It is just hard as her mum to see her upset. The teacher though I know has so much on her plate dd's friendship problems are not going to get much of a priority.

I suppose it is just a tough life lesson that some other kids are not going to like her even if she likes them.I feel so bad I can't rush in and make it all okay and like I am letting her down.

It will certainly help me to remember that the other girl is not intentionally setting out to make dd's life miserable and is just trying to deal with things in her own way.

Invite some of the other girls back for a playdate. Speak to the teacher again. She can do some friendship exercises in carpet time.