Daughter in reception and very upset

[fernie3]

My daughter is 5 and in reception. She always loved nursery and up until the last few weeks has always loved school, a fews weeks ago she started saying she didnt want to go to school, then it was that she was not well (she was fine). I spoke to the teacher at this point who said she wasnt aware of any problems. It seemed to get betther for a few days and then the last few days she has been nearly in tears in the mornings, they have to line up in the playground and today she was in tears going in it was heartbreaking. I was a bit upset that the teacher ignored her and told her to get in line but in the mornings its pretty much impossible to get a word with the teacher so I left it thinking that making a fuss may make it worse.

This afternoon I went to collect her and one of the teaching assistant came out and told me that she had been crying and upset most of the afternoon and the only reason they could say was that she had said she wanted her mummy . She was still teary when they got her from the toilets which is where she seemed to be hiding.

I didnt get chance to speak to the teacher as she was dealing with a few children who had been naughty (there are always at least 2 or 3 parents kept behind!) and with her being upset I just wanted to get her home for a hug

I have tried asking her what has made her sad but she doesnt have any real reason (that shes told me) excpet she keeps saying things like "I never want to leave you" "I want to hug you forever" and that she never wants to go to school.

I dont really know how to deal with it! the teacher tbh didnt seem interested last time i spoke to her and my daughter told me today that when she tried to tell the teacher she was sad she wasnt allowed to because she had to stay in her chair?

Does anyone have any experience of this? what should I do if she is crying and upset tomorrow?

Why not write the teacher a short note, asking in a friendly way if she can suggest a way to help?
Probably the teacher is very busy at the beginning and end of the day, but it sounds as though they are aware there is a problem and are trying to comfort her (finding her in the toilets etc). They may be trying to be very matter of fact about the crying at the beginning of the day, just getting her inside and settled quickly rather than 'fussing'.
I think you should speak to your daughter about her day, being positive about school, and not mentioning anything exciting you may have done without her! I feel for you, this is hard for any parent, but hopefully things will improve.

Hi! It must be very upsetting when you can't get an answer from them straightaway. My ds started reception in september, in a school where didn't know anyone. Went in happily for 2 days then became subdued and sad. Couldn't get an answer, same as you spoke to teacher no joy. When he went to bed I started just joining him, read a book, then have a cuddle and just talk about the day.

After a couple of days he mentioned that the other children would push him away when he tried to join them at play time and he sat on a bench by himself.

I was heartbroken! Spoke to teacher and got it resolved, they found him a buddy and asked the other boys to let him join in, and haven't looked back since.

Hang in there, as DDibbley post says it may be gradual but she will hopefully open up and share her worries with you. Keep us posted.

fernie, it's sad the teacher's not being more aware. I'd insist on a meeting. From what you've said the novelty of school's worn off. It's really, really common - school is a long day and she's only five after all, but it's best if you can stop her anxting turning into a habit.
You can make the teacher feel good about herself by saying you know she's an experienced teacher so probably has strategies to help, etc, etc. I'd ask if maybe she could have someone's hand to hold as she goes in - a TA or somebody. If the teacher won't come up with some positive, caring ideas then I'd worry tbh. fwiw, my son's in yr1 and still finds leaving me hard some days, but the teachers are lovely and someone will always hold his hand, or let him talk about it if he needs to. His teacher has a special toy that you can cuddle if you're upset and I know one day last week DS had that to hug until he got into the day.

That sounds very distressing. My 4-y-o DS was having difficulties when he started school recently (he was acting up and being disobedient, rather than being sad) and when I had a long chat with him I eventually got it out of him that he was 'doing bad things' so that he would get sent home, because he missed me and he didn't want to leave me . I wrote a letter to the teacher and one of her suggestions was that he took a photo of himself with Mum, Dad and sister into school and leave it in his cubby hole, and whenever he misses me he can go and have a look at it. It seems to have worked, and his behaviour has improved hugely.

How was she on friday Fernie?
I had this one day with my 4 Yo DD who had apparently cried for me all day at school (never had so much as a wobble up til then).The following day she started with flu so must have been sickening for it and felt miserable.

hi

thanks for your replies she didnt go in on friday. She was so upset I just didnt know what to do so I am now going in to see the teacher on monday

Message withdrawn

thanks I hope it goes ok. It didnt help friday that I had stood on the cat and fallen down the stairs twisted my back and arms! we were all a bit off and with her being upset as well is was just a case of thinking it would be better going fresh on monday

How's the week started fernie? better I hope. Let us know ..

Hi fernie, how did it go today?