what is the teacher's responsibility?

[quinne]

Can someone help please as i am confused about what to do!

We've just come back to live in the UK and DS1 (age 7) is going to school for the first time in his life. The problem is that I have the feeling that teacher isn't helping him. e.g. he lost a piece school kit (his school badge) 10 days ago and she keeps telling him "I'm busy, speak to me later" everytime he asks her to tell him what to do about it. That's twice a day for several days running.

Then she spoke to me to say his writing is too slow. I think she's probably right. She says he needs to learn to go faster. I agree. But then there is silence and I get the impression that she sees it as my responsibility to work out how to fix this and she's discharged her duty by telling me about it.

We also spoke about his reading ability which is far in excess of the rest of his class. I told her that he'd read the last book in a hour and please could he have a new more difficult one? However, 8 days later he's still got the same book. No one has checked his reading or whether he understands it and my note in the reading record hasn't been read either.

Basically she takes the word "brisk" to the point where my son is intimidated by her and has to pluck up the courage to speak, only to brushed aside again.

I could give more examples, but that's the jist of it. So are my expectations too high or is the teacher not covering the minimum?

She looks about 26 so i don't think she can have much teaching experience. Maybe this is her first time ever settling a child into school, rather that just changing schools.

She seems like a reasonable person to me but she does seem a bit keen to prove her authority even with me. I'm thinking that either she is a poor teacher or she's just a bit inexperienced and lacks compassion or I am being unrealistic as she does have 24 other children to teach.

Does anyone have any advice? Really i just want my son to have a happy first experience of school and to be given an education.

Why haven't you done something about the badge? He's only 7!

I asked the school secretary if she had it. She doesn't.

Then I asked a class room assistant if she could arrange for Thomas to look for it the next day. She didn't.

Then I asked the teacher on Monday what DS1 could do about it. She said someone else was in charge of them and she went onto tell DS1 off and talk about docking his pocket money (I missed the name as he was crying at the time).

So today I sent her a note saying please advise me or DS1 today on exactly what to do regarding the badge. I reminded her that it was raised on Monday and told her when it went missing. I thought this would get round the problem DS1 has in getting her to listen to him for even 30 seconds. i told her to just hand the note to her if she was too busy to talk to him at that moment and then go back to his seat.

Short of calling up the school office again, I am not sure what else I can do. If it was a private school I'd make an informal complaint but its not.

Could the school secretary not tell you how to get him another one?

Its a good point. At the time I asked her the badge was only missing and when we knew the school office didn't have it, then next thing was to look in the place where DS1 lost it. We've been stuck on that since. He needed access to the changing area. Obviously though it is long gone now.

I'd made it the teacher's business on Monday so i didn't want to go round her to the school secretary so I gave her one last chance today. I do feel she should at least take the trouble to explain how the school operates when asked a direct question rather than ignoring. If she doesn't reply or her reply is anything other than helpful I will take things further.
I am beginning to detest this school badge. But it is only a badge. The real issue is that i am beginning to see how DS1 interacts with his teacher and that seems to be a real issue.

In my mind the note this morning was drawing a line about the level she is willing to help with settling a new child into school and generally step out of the box of only following her teaching plan for the day. If she crosses this line then I'll have something on which I can base my talk with the head as feelings and perceptions don't cut it when you are trying to reach agreement on a problem and then find a solution.

because as some of you have said he is only 7 so he can't be exepected to guess his way around or be assertive enough to get his teacher's attention when she is giving him the brush off.

She (the teacher) sounds a bit odd to me. I second what others have said about talking to other parents. Is there a Parents Voice Group or similar, with parent reps for each class?
What's all the fuss about this badge, though? What type of badge is it/what's it for? What is sooo special about it that 7 yos must wear one? (sorry, my badge is aimed at the school, not you quinne!)

Its a school council badge. DS1 is class rep. I don't know why he needs to wear a badge though. And I agree that it is unrealistic to expect him to never lose it. Also I thought she was wrong to make him cry harder by telling him that it would come out of his pocket money (because that's my decision: I told him this morning that teacher was mistaken about this as I will pay for the replacement, not him).

unfortunately there isn't any parent group i know of, except the PTA but that isn't what they are there for , or is it??

I am at a bit of a loss again, how can your ds be a class rep if he doesn't understand fully the way the school works?

he was voted into the role on his 2nd day at school. Apparently he stood for election and the other 7 year olds voted for him. TBH My DH and I were a bit surprised but pleased that he'd had the self confidence to do it.
I don't really know the answer to your question: maybe no one else wanted it??

Does he enjoy this role of rep? If not, let him resign and the badge won't be an issue.
I have to say, your teacher sounds a bit odd or maybe we have been blessed with what dd has had.

Write down all your concerns, Make an appointment with the teacher. it's no use you or us speculating about her motives. You are getting information second hand from your ds, who has never been to school before so is understandably a bit lost and in need of help. we are getting it third hand from you. And to be honest, it does sound a bit as if you've taken against this teacher and you're scoring points off her. The important point her is that your ds settles down and enjoys school, not that you know more about maths than the teacher does.

I agree seeker. If I am honest I have had a personal problem with the teacher since Monday when she started scolding him in front of me and making threats relating to his pocket money. That was the point that I started to question (to myself) whether she is trying to help or not. Until then, I'd put the odd things my son was telling me down to his misunderstanding.

In general I'd expect that as a professional she should know much more than me about teaching, especially about teaching techniques and child psychology. Luckily I haven't done anything to provoke her remarks, except very politely tell her a couple of times that DS1 has already covered the specific things she wants me to teach him. I gave her copies of the maths, story composition and books he has read so she should know and be willing to move on, but instead she seems intent in finding some hole that would demonstrate that he doesn't really know it.

She doesn't know that I specialised in maths and she doesn't need to. My son is only 7 and even if its not her speciality, then I am certain that she knows more than enough to teach him. I guess the issue is that she doesn't seem to be doing much to help him settle in, or find work that offers a slight challenge or even help him write faster.

kreecherlivesupstairs... he was proud of it at first but hasn't mentioned it in the last week or so. So far it seems to be about giving the class wishlist for what toys are in the playground at lunchtime.

Maybe a question for another thread but what does the school council do anyway?

i had a similar sort of thing with dd last year.

we moved to the US, and she started a new school mid year. her teacher was a briliant teacher, but just seemed to think that dd would fit in. HOWEVER, dd is from a different country & culture & had no idea about classroom routines etc. the teacher never even gave her a 'buddy' to help her settle in. i wish i'd been a little more assertive with the teacher. she wasn't being cruel, but neither did she go the 'extra mile' to help out a child from a different background.

one example of this, she never once ticked that dd knew her alphabet on written reports. dd has known the ENGLISH alphabet since she was three. she doesn't know the US phonetic one, and may never learn it as we focus on using ABC, not abc.

So, based on my mistakes from last year, I would write a carefully & politely worddr letter, explaining that your son is from a completely different background, that he should be given the same support as a child arriving from another country who has no experience of english scool life, and asking to see a copy of the school's policy on dealing with ethnic minorities (as 'ethnic' means from a different CULTURE or race, and it sounds like your son is experiencing culture shock)

it sounds like the teacher is just too set in her own way of doing things & not willing to be flexible when she encounters a new situation. well, tough. i was a teacher for 12 years, and you have to teach the children you get, not the ones who fit your system.

also, you have every right to ask about g&t, it sounds like you have a bright lad. don't let this teacher stop him.

AND send a copy of the letter to the head, as well as to the teacher.

Go Kickass!

Thank you Kickassangel. We are a British family now living in England but my son was just a toddler when we left so all he knows is his home abroad.

I have just taken my own advice, and emailed dd's teacher for this year, a very polite note, explaing WHY she didn't know that lorry should rhyme with duck (cos it's a truck here) and various other things.

I spoke to her at the school pick up. I told her that although I know she is a reasonable, normal person, DS1 is only 7, new to school life and as a result does not understand that her behaviour is simply to keep an emotional distance and garner the children's respect. So he seems a little intimidated by her. In particular, he is reluctant to speak to her which is why I had to write a note to obtain a simple piece of direction re: school badge. She took it quite well to be fair and I had the impression that she won't send him away whenever he tries to speak to her again even if it is to protect herself rather than because it is the right thing to do.

Then I get home and discover that he's has been kept in on Thursday lunch time for the last 2 weeks in a row to do his weekly numeracy homework assignment. But he did both assignments at home with me in good time. I asked him what happened and he said when the teacher asked for them he replied that he didn't know where they were (but no, he didn't tell her that he had done them). So he took the punishment of doing them again! What??? They were in his school bag. He has just started playing football with the boys in his class and he loves it. It just doesn't make sense. He's not stupid, he has a well developed sense of justice but he didn't speak up for himself.

"She's just a young woman who doesn't seem to like my son or me or just plain lacks compassion."

It's possible that she has taken a dislike to the pair of you if she has the feeling that your son is extra work, for no good reason at all. Some teachers are unable to hide this. Good teachers and nice people can. She may think you are asking for special attention because you are new when her opinion is that you have to settle him yourself.

From what you've said, she has been unhelpful and unresponsive. Not all teachers are like this. Not at all, not at all, most are not.

Unfortunately although you are in the right, other posters are right in saying you need to approach it delicately, because she doesn't seem have complete control over her own ability to treat children fairly as individuals.

Support him as much as you can this year at home, and have another meeting where you visibly take notes, even if you say, sorry, it's just for me, head like a sieve and so on. It could make her sit up and take notice: there is no "brushing off" when notes are made.

are you able to help out in school in any way? i know it can be hard, but it can really help.

once i started in school, dd felt much more confident. also, i was actually there to help her if i spotted any problems, and the teacher couldn't just write me off as annoying parent, cos i was her main 'go to' person for help with trips etc, so she HAD to keep me on side. i really felt that just the fact that i had a bit of 'presence' in the lcassroom made a big difference. i also had the chance to drop in some 'light' comments whilst chatting (like, 'me & dh had such a laugh when we realised we were all saying x instead of y, no wonder dd has been confused'). i just KEPT bringing in the message that she's new, she needs extra help.

at this stage i think you prob need to sit down with ds each eve (and maybe again in the morning) and go through any routines he may need to encounter. e.g. do you have pe? do you know where your kit is? do you know where homework is? do you know what to do if you need the bathroom? and i had a list of names of the children in the class, and would look through it, asking dd who she knew, telling her she was clever to have met so many people etc.

last year we had a ridiculous situation with dd & getting changed out of snow gear at the lockers. again, another new situation which all the US kids were used to, she wasn't. she lost some recess time & ended up so 'traumatised' she wouldn't eat, leave the house, talk to other kids etc. it took about 2 mins for me to sort out, but she'd been suffering for about a month before we realised!

I WOULD make it clear that you're not just going to fade into the background, butthat on intend to be 'onside' to help your son with this difficult transition. Make it sound like you want to help her with the task of getting him adjusted - i'd even offer to come in for first half hour & last half hour each day, so that you know how they're expected to behave, and can immediately pick up on any problems.

also, get to know other mums. they will know the 'reputation' this teacher has & may have some wisdom about how to respond to her.

These things are such 'little things in some respects, but i still wept when she came home with that little sad face of hers!

btw, dd is EXTREMELY confident in all other settings (she will entertain strangers in the food hall at the mall, give them a little song & dance routine if I don't drag her away), but she somehow knew that school was a big deal & got far more stressed about it, retreated into herself in a way she never has elsewhere.

This year, she is doing much better, time really does help.

Kickassangel - thank you for taking the time to write. I feel less alone now. As it happens I had already volunteered to help in the school. My DH and I run a business from home, so we make our own hours and I can find some free time during the day to help if they want me. At the moment the CRB(name?) checks are going through.

I was thinking it would help the school but now I see that it might also help my son(s) so I've got two reasons for doing it.

With regards the homework issue, I'm afraid that I am like this teacher! I ask the children where the homework is if it is not where it should be first but I do ask them to check their bags! If however, they say that it is at home, then they have to do it again if they are more than 1 day late in bringing it in. Homework is no good to me at their home - I can't mark it! They have a set date in which to bring it in and they get 1 extra day's grace. If it is still not in, they will lose breaktime in which to complete it. I learnt this from last year - if you don't get on at them they don't do it or they hand it in months later!