Age 4 dd keeps soiling her knickers at school but won't tell anyone.

[katalex]

Dd is 4 and started reception just over 2 weeks ago. Last week I got a call from the school asking me to take up some knickers because she'd had an accident. Since then she's done a poo in her knickers twice but not told the teacher. Today she told me she'd done it before lunch so her bum was quite sore. When I asked her why she won't tell the teacher she said she didn't know. I asked her if she was told off last time and she said no but when I asked her if she was worried about being told off she said yes.

As a background she used to do this all the time and was diagnosed with constipation with overflow soiling so it was just happening and she didn't realise. She's been taking Movicol since March and was doing really well with no soiling incidents for about 2 months before she started school. So I can only think it's something to do with being anxious as she gets a bit overwhelmed with the new surroundings and all the bigger kids etc.

I'm going to talk to the teacher or ta to find out if there's anything they can do. I know they're busy with 19 other children and don't have time to keep checking if she needs to go to the toilet (especially as she doesn't like going on her own) or if she needs changing. So I don't really know how they'll be able to deal with it. Does anyone have any experience of this or any suggestions for how we can overcome this?

That sounds very like the conversation I had with teacher. I read the book on the website link and last night I mentioned to DS that I had been speaking to another mummy whose DC had the same thing happening - we talked a bit about how trying to sit on the loo at intervals and drinking enough during the day woud help to "fix it" DS was really interested and this morning took him self off to try to go before he left for school - I hadn't really expected him to be so interested that others had the same thing going on - I don't think its resolved but great for me also to know we aren't the only ones

Katiestar- no it wasn't encopresis- it was anxiety that it would hurt (following a painful constipated poo) so she would try to stop herself going, sometimes soiling as a result. teacher was judgemental but doc v reassuring about how commonly children withhold poo! so we managed diet carefully, encouraged regular drinking, went to the loo with her at home with books, toys etc to make it a positive experience, congratulated her on a good attempt if she didn't produce anything and cheered when she did, and the star chart reminded her of all the successes along the way.

Carmel206, the consultant we saw with ds2 had a whole "little chat" he did with children about how Mr Poo lives in your tummy but he likes to come out, and if you don't let him out he can get very cross and give you a tummyache and a painful bottom!

cannot tell you all how pleased i am to have found this thread. i am a childminder with a little boy who has this problem. i understand it a LOT more having read people's stories here. it will most certainly mean i will be more understanding and aware of how difficult it must be for the little boy and his family.

he has also just started reception and has been having this problem for years.

katalex thanks you for staring this thread I am amazed how common this seems to be. DS is 6 (yr2) I think after 2 yrs he is making some progress with the regular sitting on the loo after tea and also the rock 'n' pop technique from the ERIC web site Get Going Leaflet. I have also found the school nurse to be very helpful

My dd is in yr1 and on movicol due to a bowel malformation rather than constipation - she has a change kit in her bag - pants, wipes, bags, spare trousers etc.
We did have problems in reception with some teaching assistants being mean to her (saying she was a baby etc). Once dd told me I went to the Head and insisted that anyone who might have to help dd should know that it was out of her control - she hasn't reported another incident since. The Head said there had been other children she knew in her last school who had constipation problems and she understood (teachers had not heard of it before).
Dd hasn't had any nastiness from other children yet (although if I ever mention her problem to people the first thing they tell me is that she will be teased and 'children are so cruel' which makes me )
One thing we notice is that dd is really affected if she doesn't drink enough water - so we emphasise to her and to her teacher that she needs to empty her water bottle by the end of the school day.

Millarkie - that happened to my dd at pre-school once. One day she came home with poo in her knickers and when asked why she didn't tell anyone, she said that last time a teacher told her she was naughty The head teacher was horrified and told all the teachers that it wasn't her fault. Admittedly we should have said something earlier but it didn't occur to us that anyone would do that.

My dd definitely doesn't drink enough but when I encourage her to do so she just takes a sip and that's all. She also refuses to sit on the toilet when I ask her to go. I often have to bribe her with a sweet just for trying and, at least half the time, she actually did need to go. I don't really know why she doesn't like even going for a wee, although she's always telling me that she hates washing her hands.

One thing that made a big difference was buying dd water in plastic bottles (like little evians - with shaun the sheep on or nemo or whatever) so she could sip from her bottle like I drink from mine at/after the gym. She drinks a lot more if it's from a disposable bottle than one of her sigg bottles.

Kids can get anxious about all sorts of things to do with the loo. Some worry they'll fall in, (those extra little seats help here)others don't like the way the tiles make voices echo, some hate the noise of the flush or (in public toilets) the hand driers.
As for drinking- I agree with Millarkie- also increase soups, sauces etc (stealth drinking...)
If handwashing is a problem you could take her to choose some special soap perhaps, put the water in the basin with the plug rather than running the tap, get a kids version of hand cream (princess beauty cream), etc?

Thanks for the ideas Millarkie and MrsPumphrey

She takes a bottle of water to school but it comes home with the same amount in it. She doesn't really like water and the school won't allow anything else. I might actually talk to the teacher to find out if they can make an exception due to the fact that she's not drinking there. Maybe they'll let her have some of those Fruit Shoot H2O drinks or Perfectly Clear.

She wet herself yesterday because she didn't want to tell the teacher that she needed to go to the toilet We did try a special kids soap at home because she loves 'Mr Soapy Soap' at school but the novelty seems to have worn off. I'll see if I can find some kids hand cream. She loves using mine so it's worth a go.

So glad to read this thread. DS (5) also has had long standing withholding and constipation and is on movicol. He's also had various anxieties around toileting esp. outside the home. Now his problems have extended to school with anxieties around asking to go to the loo there . So hard, he's summer born so already in year 1 and needs more support at school with this than seems to be readily available in a class of 30...