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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Please tell me school drop off gets better

18 replies

hormonalmum · 04/09/2009 13:51

Dd started school on Wednesday. She was fine when I dropped her off and very chatty on the way home.
Thursday she said she did not want me to go, but was ok when I did leave. Not very chatty but that is normal for her.

Today was horrendous. She was crying hysterically, almost made herself sick when I told her I was going. The TA walked her along the corridor to say goodbye and had to carry her off screaming when I went. I walked out in tears.

I told her I am only doing boring jobs, like washing up at home. I asked her to paint me a picture today so she could bring it home and we would put in on the wall.
I do not know if I could take anything in for her to hold if she is feeling sad and missing me.

I am very hormonal - hence the name change as very early pregnant and feel I am replacing her, which of course I am not.
DH is going to take her in a couple of mornings next week as he knows I am struggling to not cry in front of her.

What else can I do?
tia

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gladders · 04/09/2009 13:58

[hugs]

this is hard. at the time it feels like the solution is to stay with them longer to help them settle - but experience (not my heart!) tells me that this actually prolongs their agony.

you need to make drop off a very quick, simple routine. into classroom. coat on peg, snack in box, kiss goodbye and Mummy leaves for example.

Think it's v normal for it to get worse before it gets better.

Maybe you could have a weekly treat on a Friday after school? we do sweeties, but cakes/having a favourite dinner/ a small new toy would also help - especially if you make it clear that this is something she had because she is a big girl and goes to school now?

saying hello to the other Mums and maybe meeting up with them in the park at the weekend? playdates probably a no no for the first term as she'll be so tired.

hth

ChopsTheDuck · 04/09/2009 13:58

the best thing to do is make it as quick as possible. It's the wrench of you actually going that children hate. If you can make that as quick as possible, it reduces the stress.

I also used to tell mine I was going to town and would get them something nice if they went in quietly!

AramintaCane · 04/09/2009 14:12

I agree be extremely quick.

Before you leave the house give her something special. A small shell or stone or a hankie with your perfume on it. I used a friendship bracelet as is less likely to get lost. A friend gave me this tip it really helped dd to know it was there all day. Then you can say when you look at it you can think of me and I will be thinking of you.

Meeely3 · 04/09/2009 14:15

i can empathise here too - my twins started yesterday and one hopped, skipped and jumped in, the other clung to me and sobbed his heart out.

The teacher though was great - they were ready for any upset, homed in on him, took his hand and took him in first. when I looked through the window i could see he was being cuddled still, but when DH fetched him from after school club he was fine (he hated after school club and cried then too btw!).

It will get easier, it will just become the norm after a while - big hugs and stay strong!

Stayingsunnygirl · 04/09/2009 14:18

It will get easier, I promise. In fact, the day will come when you won't be allowed to walk her to school because it's far cooler to walk with her friends than mum. I reached that stage with ds3 about 2.5 years ago, and was rather sad, to be honest.

Your dd will make some friends, and pretty soon she will be running into school to play with them. Take the advice given here - it all seems excellent, and things will improve, I am sure.

CatherineofMumbles · 04/09/2009 17:12

Very tough one - but as others have said, yuo must make the drop off quick and do not let her see you are wrenched. The forst few weeks of dropping off DS1 I breezily kissed him goodbye with brief hug and big smile, then went eround the corner and cried my eyes out. It really DOES get easier - hang in there!

bellissima · 04/09/2009 17:53

I was apparently dragged across the playground screaming for the first month (was v jealous of younger sisters who were staying with mummy etc). I can't remember a thing about it. Please don't beat yourself up too much.

Original poster

hormonalmum · 04/09/2009 22:12

Thank you everyone for your comments.

I am definately going to do the drop off as quick as possible.

As DD is my oldest one, going to school every day is not part of her familiarity; whereas the others who have older siblings it is just the norm.
I have talked to dd tonight and we talked about getting a bracelet for her to wear at school when she is feeling sad or lonely. She wants one with butterflies and flowers, so will be on a hunt tomorrow.

She asked me what we did today and asked why her brother had new shoes and what the lady was like in the shop where we bought them.
Isn't it funny what they think of.

Loved the idea of a treat on a Friday. Am going to give that some thought.

Thanks again

OP posts:

londonartemis · 05/09/2009 16:52

There is a lovely picture book called A pocketful of Kisses by Angela McAlister published by Bloomsbury all about going to school and having a pocketful of Mummy's kisses to dig into if things get a bit anxious. My 4 year old, who starts this week, has read it about twenty times this last week in preparation!!

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 05/09/2009 16:56

It does get better and it is quite normal for there to be a blip when they realise they have to go every day.

My DD had more tears than DS1 iirc but I am expecting more from DS2 on Monday (first day) though he could surprise me. I think if you have complete faith in the staff, just give a cuddle and a kiss, say goodbye and leave. Hanging around makes it worse.

jamsandwich · 05/09/2009 21:52

I've just ordered the pocketful of kisses book, it sounds perfect for my anxious newbie. Thanks for a great tip londonartemis.

londonartemis · 05/09/2009 22:57

Hope the book helps!
Have just read your other thread too about the school and settling in. I hope it goes well. I can see why you are anxious.

bruffin · 06/09/2009 18:42

When DS was in YR1 he went through a stage of not wanting to go into school. His teacher gave him a "very important job" to do when he first arrivwed in the morning which i think was sharpening pencils.

jamsandwich · 06/09/2009 21:54

londonartemis - the only hitch with the kisses book is that her uniform has no pockets!
So I've gone for a literal interpretation and made her some paper kisses and hearts to keep in her bag! How sad am I? I just kept thinking that if I gave her a "real" special thing like a bracelet or a toy, then if it got lost it would make things even worse. But this way, she only has to deal with the embarrassment of having such a naff mother

gallery · 06/09/2009 22:10

you are not sad, what a loving mom. I am not hormonal (i think!) and have sad tears thinking of the sadness you have both been going through. Good luck next week

asdx2 · 06/09/2009 23:18

I used to send mine in with a hankie sprayed with my perfume and told them if they were worried to have a little sniff and know that I was thinking about them and would soon be picking them up again.Pretty unobtrusive but reassuring I thought.

londonartemis · 07/09/2009 09:31

Jam - That sounds lovely!!

katalex · 07/09/2009 10:06

Hi hormonalmum. I'm welling up just reading these messages. Dd starts school tomorrow and I'm expecting tears. If she does cry then I know I'll struggle to keep it together. She said she'll be ok but that's what she said when we went for a visit last term and she clung on to me for dear life when I tried to go into the hall for the talk with the head teacher. I may also have issues next week because she's only going for 3 hours tomorrow and then she's not back til Monday. I think I might also give dd something to keep with her. It's a great idea.

Hope everything went well for you this morning.

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