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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Dniece is refusing to go to school. Any advice?

10 replies

doggiesayswoof · 28/08/2009 10:49

We are in Scotland and Dniece started school last week.

All seemed fine.

This week she started to say she didn't like playtime. Then on Wednesday morning she had a total meltdown and refused to go.

It all seems to be about the playground and socialising with other children. I'm surprised as she went to nursery and also plays outside with neighbours at home.

DSis got her there eventually - but what can she do to help? I want to help too but I'm not sure what to say. My DD has also started school but I've not encountered any negativity (yet) from her so I'm at a loss.

Please help - my Dsis is really upset.

OP posts:

Original poster

doggiesayswoof · 28/08/2009 10:59

I don't think there's a specific child who she has a problem with, it seems more general.

Anyone?

OP posts:

Notquitegrownup · 28/08/2009 11:00

First sending huge sympathy. It's awful to see a little person so upset.

Has your dsis been in to talk with her teacher?

Original poster

doggiesayswoof · 28/08/2009 11:04

Thanks - it is terrible and dsis is beside herself. The thought of having to go through it every morning is so grim

she hasn't seen teacher yet, but she is going in next week

DN has always preferred adult company but she will play happily with friends if no adults are available. She knows a few of the children in her class - this is such a bolt from the blue. She was looking forward to starting school so much.

OP posts:

AMumInScotland · 28/08/2009 11:15

I think the meeting with the teacher is the best way forward - it may be that something specific happened which upset her, and the teacher will be best placed for getting that information out of her and dealing with it. Then she can do something like getting an older girl to "buddy" her, or talk to all the children about "being nice" or whatever she thinks best. She might even let her stay inside at playtime for a few days till things settle down.

Original poster

doggiesayswoof · 28/08/2009 11:21

Yes. They do have buddies - they meet them next week I think.

OP posts:

ommmward · 28/08/2009 17:35

If it doesn't settle, then this could be your saviour.

Littlefish · 28/08/2009 18:36

It's vital that she sees the teacher as soon as possible. Until then, she should try and avoid raising the subject of school over the weekend - just be really nonchalent but positive about it if the subject is brought up by her dd.

beautifulgirls · 28/08/2009 21:31

When we went for the meeting with DD#1s school (she starts in Sept) the head teacher told us some of the children would be fine for the first week or two, and then we would be likely to see some of the less happy to go in - the novelty wears off, the realisation this is an ongoing thing etc. She suggested we let the school know asap if this was happening and that they would ensure that the child was given a little job to do in the mornings - such as putting out the pencils. Apparently they find that the children then start to feel important and it motivates them to want to start to be there again.
I have no idea if it really works, but the theory makes a lot of sense and I doubt it can harm anyway.

katiestar · 29/08/2009 22:49

she's probably really tired which will magnify any little problem.
Definitely the case for many kids - they start on a high then where novel;ty wears off and tiredness sets in they don't like it and gradually bit by bit start liking it again.
Deffo need to speak to teacher though.One of my DC went through a phase like this and it turned out to be one of the bigger kids doing something (in play )that frightened her.

NanaNina · 30/08/2009 15:49

Ithink this is very normal behaviour for a little girl starting school. My granddaughter was afraid of the dinner hall when she started school as it was so noisy and the playground with so much unstructured play can be a scary place for a child. I agree about meeting the teacher etc but I honestly think that an important factor in this is for your sister to keep calm and matter-of-fact no matter how upsetting it is for her. Your neice will pick up on her mom's tension and this will increase her anxiety and the whole thing will become circular.

I was very stressed about my grand daughter but my dil was very sensible and even though upset she acted in a calm way and just said to the child when the tears came at bedtime or in the morning "Yes I know you don't want to go to school and you're scared of the noise but it willbe OK and mummy will be there to meet you" etc etc.

There will be many more bridges to cross along the way as you know and my dil always says that children need to be taught the skills with how to cope with what they might come across and I so agree with her.

This is just a phase and will pass as the first few weeks pass.

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