dd aged 9 wants to change schools, or she thinks she does

[SlartyBartFast]

she has an over powering friend.. been smothered by her for a couple of years.
plus the girl is inappropriate and smutty.
she has kissed dd at school and lay on top of her at a friends house recently.

ok ok, have told school who will keep them apart any any inappropriate behaviour witnessed by any child must be told to teacher.

i obviously wish the other girl would move schools but that is not going to happen.

i dont want my dd to change schools, and i dont think she does really either. she is sad and wants to change to a school where a friend left to, but i think she has a romantic idea that they will be best friends again which i doubt.

how can i encourage her to stand up for herself and Not be friendly with this girl.

[SlartyBartFast]

was it too long and jarbled?

[Runoutofideas]

Is there someone else whose friendship you can encourage instead? It does sound like odd behaviour on the part of the other girl - is she maybe exposed to more at home than your daughter? Could she maybe join gym classes or brownies or something where other children from her class go, separately from the other girl, to encourage different friendships...? Probably not very useful but didn;t want to ignore you!

[SlartyBartFast]

yes we have tried that, but the friend often joins too!

yes agree that child is probably exposed wrongly but it doesnt really help mine. other than being firm i spose.

[Runoutofideas]

Get her to react really loudly to any behaviour she feels uncomfortable with. Embarrassing the other child might stop her doing it.... In what other ways is she over-powering and smothering?

[MadameCastafiore]

ANd what happens when there is someone like this at the next school and the next and the next.

You need to address the problem - with the school and by having a chat with the mother of ths girl also if needs be but changing schools should be a last resort for a serious problem not because there is an unsavoury child there!

[SlartyBartFast]

yes, i agree that changing schools is nto a good idea. i ahve chatted to the school who are taking action. i am glad someone else feels she shouldnt change school but i wondered if i was in the wrong

she is my dd's friend but is also nasty to her!

raising her voice is a good idea and i spose having the confidence to say no.

[SlartyBartFast]

am scared of chatting to the mother btw. what on earth do i say?

[Runoutofideas]

I don;t think changing schools is the answer either. Somehow she needs to widen her circle of friends, so she is not too reliant on this one girl. Invite others home for tea maybe? I can see that chatting to the mother might be difficult. Could you see if the school's action does anything first before approaching her, or will school mention it to her?

[SlartyBartFast]

the school have rung her and told her. i spose she might be embarrassed to see me as well.
just have to ride it up.
as long as all parties concernd no they should not be friends it will iron itself out.

thanks

[Runoutofideas]

Fingers crossed for you. Hope it works out.

[TheOldVicarage]

Let us know how it goes! I think that she shouldn't be moving schools - although it might seem like a good idea, it might give a subconcious message to your dd that running away from trouble is always the best thing to do.
I think the other girl sounds like she needs help - is it just me, or does her behaviour seem overtly sexual?
Good luck with her mum - I don't, personally, think you've anything to worry about - she'll be more embarrassed than you!

[SlartyBartFast]

oh sexual indeed, my dd thinks they were having sex
thanks for the support