my bright complicated 5.5ur old with social issues- now he's bored at school- what am I to do??

[oopsagain]

He's in yr1
he's been able to read all of the keywords from reception, yr1 and yr2

he's working at least to a level of 2a or b inmaths and english apprently (whatever that means)

he was doing well academicaly and less well socially.

School has helped with the social very very well.

But toay he ahs refused to do the homework and said he doesn't want to go to school.
He says he doesn't want to go to yr2 as he already knows the stuff they will need to learn.

I think he does.

he reads very well and not really stories- so the other day he described to me exactly how the lens worked in the eye- he'd read it.
He is thinking about numbers squared and is getting intereted in cubed numbers. and can divide and pretty much knows the times table.

What sorts of things do schools do to help.
He's jsut so lack lustre about it- I really don't want him to get bored at this early age.

Oh, I know he can learn alot mroe- that wasn't really my question.

it's just motivating him

I went to school overseas for primary, they put me up a year because I was ahead. Came back to England, and they weren't having any of it. First primary school was quite supportive, the headteacher wrote the lead part in the play for me as she said I was the only pupil who would be able to remember it, and they had a cardboard skeleton for me to put together when I'd finished my work (not really my area of talent tbh, but it was nice to have something to do). But at my good comprehensive secondary school I realised in mixed ability year 1 that the work was hopelessly unchallenging and as a result I was bored and messed about for the rest of my school career.

I wished my parents had sent me to a grammar school or to one of the more selective private schools. It's a waste really.

Anyway if he's as far ahead as it sounds, he's probably not in the right school.

stealth has a point about literacy: it is almost always possible to write more or to work harder at writing something more difficult

there certainly are bright children who make a minimal effort and then say they're bored, when frankly it's their own fault for not trying harder with a writing task

having said that, maths is rather different: there is usually only one solution and once you've found the answer there isn't a lot else you can do with the problem, at least not at this level

so for that kind of subject, you really do depend on the teacher, and of course teachers vary enormously

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bloss, I'm not sure the rest of us are saying that school can be useful if not intellectually challenging

just pointing out that some of the challenge can lie in realising how far you can push the usual kind of literacy and history tasks that schools provide and find your challenge in that

I know children who spent a lot of time researching home works topics online and produced work to a very high standard in infants; dd used to really throw herself into the creative writing tasks

Hi thanks for the replies everyone.

I do take the point re the excercise- i think that will take the stroppy edge off him too- it usually does.

I also agree with the thing re literacy, you cna always write more and more in depth about anything.
One of ds1's problems is he likes it to be perfect and so gets upset when he makes mistakes.
He also has a very small imagination- until the last yr os so if you tried to suggest the was an imaginary cake on a plate etc, he really would looka t you blankly and say that he couldn't see it and look really puzzled.
he has the same (maybe slightly less) imagaintion as my 3yr old just now. So it is getting better but not at a rate to go with his brian IYSWIM.

I have a deep rooted and major thingy about private schools tbh. Around here the private schools are very very posh IYSWIM. The poeple sending their kids there are all able to aford skiing hols, blah blah, so I'm not sure how we'd cope with the whole cultural element of it.
And my overriding thoughts are that we havea school at the end of the road- it would be social aparthied to send him elsewhere..
Oh, what to do?

can't see teacher today as school is shut due to a mystery virus

I think i have to help him with soem structured stuff at home... to try to expand his abiltiy to write and then he can use this at school.

He will read for hours on end

'It has a very very good SENCO- but with no diagnosis i don't think i can tap into that really. '
You can! That's what s/he is there for...you say your DS is bright/complicated/bored at school and has social issues - these are all reasons to see the SENCO, IMO. And s/he can help you get a diagnosis, if that is what is needed. (Having said that, first port of call would be class teacher...)

What you describe, oops, does sound like you would perfectly justified in seeing the SENCO. The combination of an early developed intellectual side and a lack of the imagination you would normally expect in a child this age does sound like it could cause a lot of problems and he deserves help with that. You don't want him to end up unhappy.

But clearly, see teacher first.

he has been referred by me a about 18months ago as i felt he had aspergers'
The Psychs said he hadn't.
The senco was suppiortive of the referral but said that at school they ahdn't seen enough of his behaviour (ocd tyoe stuff and violence) to actually make the referral themselves.
The previus teacher I think was scpetical about my referral but never said as much.

until one day she accidently touched him when he was upset- then she realised he has sensory issues too!

Anyway, senco may well help- but she did ssay at the time that they would help and carry out stuff as per reccd by the drs...

there has been some inculsion with him- there was alitlte group of more vulnerable kids meeting at lunchtime but that seems to have fizzled with one teacher leaving- the other leanrning mentor doesn't quite have the same strategy. she's good, though and has been helpful on the past.

I just feel like i don't know what to address really.
I feel that the school is letting him just bumble along a bit- but isn't that what schools do?
theres 26 other kids in his class-how cna he get a tailored solution when he is different from every other child there?

There is a great SN provision there- really good and there's such good work in that school..
but i'm not sure if any school is going to fire ds1 up really.

anwya, i have to go as i'm ignoring both of them and want to get out of the house at some point today.

thanks so far- letting me ramble a bit does help.
it's hard to do it with the other parents

The problem I find is the whole weight of responsibility lies on you as the parent, because however helpful the school may be, (and they may not be, anyway!), they don't have enough time or resources to cater for your child if their learning needs don't fit in with the majority. We have spent a lot of time and effort making sure our daughter (now 11) was doing work suited to her abilities between age 6 and 11, plus providing lots of opportunities for enrichment/challenge. She has now begun at a superb selective secondary and it feels like that weight has now lifted! However, my son is 6 and the whole thing has started with him now - but this time there are several less favourable factors which make it all more difficult and tbh, I am considering moving him to a good private primary where they are used to preparing children for selective secondary schools, so that I can feel less like the whole burden is on me.

bloss - do you mind me asking where your ds is at school now?

oops - I was like your DS at school. So bored at class that I was reading books under my desk. You would think teachers would approve, but they didn't

What helped a lot was math teacher giving me extra work - puzzles, problems (like how to trisect an angle with compass and straightedge - it turns out it is not possible, but hey, it kept me occupied for a long time), and even a research project on dimensions & time/space (I was 15). None of it even gave me extra credit but it occupied my mind and gave me something interesting to do in the library, so school immediately got much less boring.

Can you talk to teacher so she throws some problems from future lessons his way? Or point him in the direction of a book on math puzzles and go over them with him once in a while?

It does sound as if there's more going on than the boredom, and I really understand your concerns about keeping him motivated and happy to go to school.

I think Y1 is a difficult year for bright, young children: DS2, who is not ususally socially complicated but quite bright, had some really unhappy times in Y1 (I remember posting about it on Mumsnet - tears, said he hated school, knew everything, even bit someone!), only mitigated by his friendships. Y2 was much better - much more open-ended, more challenging and a fantastic teacher who really 'got' bright children and wanted to keep them engaged.

I've only read all the posts by OP.
He sounds quite bright, but not exceptionally bright across the board. I'd be surprised if he's that much ahead of all other Y1 children.

As others have said, OP needs to ask school to make sure that they "extend" him enough. Can he do some work with Yr3s when he's in Y2, if necessary?

Forget about the homework for now. It's only there to boost his confidence or go over things some children need to rehash, if he doesn't need to, don't bother. Read it for yourself if you want an idea what the median ability child in the class should find fairly easy to do.

Reluctance about going to school: pretty normal, ime, almost all children have spells of this! Would help a lot if he had some good mates.

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Bloss - what is CAT?!

lljk,
i don't think he is an exceptional child.
he can read the chapter books like horrid henry but mainly enjoys reading information tyope books, about the body usually.

And I'm not sure- he is workinng at the end of yr2 to the beginning of yr 3 I believe- isn't that what the 2a/b thing is about?

I suppose he would def do with some friends,
but he just doesn't get it somehow.
The boys are all running around playing ben 10 and the girls ar eplaying princesses and stuff.
And he likes counting and finding out how eyes work

I do think that there will be a levelling out thing, but until that happens it is hard to motivate him somehow..

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we now have a new interest- sudoku!

I think that will help.
we wnet to the library today- haven't been for a while and i think i can get him a bit motivated and then take some of the stuff he does at home in for the teacher to see...

He gets home work that asks him to describe the weekend in 4 sentences for example.
I think he's be more motivated if they asked how bones work or somthing.
He jsut doesn't get why the homework is being suggested somehow.
maths homework usually takes him 1-2 minutes- it's adding up and number lines.

They give out 3 different levels of homework i think...

Tahnks for the replies anyway.
i'm realising today that i've been sort of coasting in life a bit too and maybe we can both get motivated too.
I've been pretty ill this yr so far and i think depressed too.

I'd expceted the kids to free range at home sort of, but it doesn't work- they need some structured activitis too.

Bloss - I'm not a paid up member yet - do you mind telling me just your rough location, so I can tell if it's anywhere near me (West Midlands)?

To be honest - be thankful you have a bright one who isn't struggling. Yr2 gets much harder than yr1 so he might feel happier then.

I have DS1 in year 3 with above average reading and comprehension (working well into yr 4), but he completely struggles with maths and it's heartbreaking as he tries so hard. DS2 is in reception and his teachers have had to start giving him year 1 work as he has finished everything for the year in reception and is so bored - especially as there are children who can barely write their name - so I do understand where you are coming from.

IME (and DS is in yr5 now), you have to do it yourself. However many times you ask, even at a school with excellent results, nothing happens. Each teacher will assure you that they will try, but it will slip by the wayside and very little extension work will actually appear. They will talk about resources and class sizes. They will pay lip service to your concerns, and agree that your child is extremely bright and not being stretched. But as you say, nice people, overstretched.

We have taken the view that it is ok to coast through primary, especially one with such good music, sport and outside activities. We will send him to an academic private school next year.

In the meantime, we have done loads of stuff at home, he learns two instruments plus theory, sport and cubs. Accept it now and save yourselves the heartache.

Do you know, having blithely contributed to this thread with the 'I'm sure he is learning something really' line, I've had it again from DS2, now Y3, this week? Doesn't want to go in to school, it's really boring, he's not learning anything he doesn't know already....So my sympathetic head is back on again. DS2 is not that exceptional (he's not massively ahead in maths, for example), but he's understimulated.

The model for schools is that learning takes place as a group. Humans are herding animals so it's perfectly fine for most children. But those with asperger type traits, sensory issues etc are always going to find that method of learning less appealing.
I volunteer in a local school and see one lad switch off as soon as there is any group discussion. He doesn't want to take part and he most certainly doesn't want to listen. He is bored almost immediately because he can't engage and 'learn' that way.It is a shame because he's the brightest kid there.
What he wants he cannot have in a large state school. He wants constant one to one time with a teacher, he wants to pursue his interests ( maths and science ) regardless of the curriculm.