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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Y1 party etiquette question

11 replies

misshardbroom · 09/06/2009 11:40

DD is going to have a birthday treat to which she can invite 6 friends.

However, the children she wants to invite are not necessarily the children of the mums I'm most friendly with (if that makes sense). For example, I chat to Mum A and Mum B. Mum A's child is a good friend of DD and she wants to invite her. Mum B's child & DD don't really play together, so she isn't going to invite her.

I'm completely fine with this because I think her birthday should be about her friends, not mine, but I wondered if anyone else had encountered this and whether it makes life awkward?

I don't want to make a mountain out of a molehill, but I don't want to upset anyone either.

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DiamondHead · 09/06/2009 11:47

It's awkward but I think you have the right attitude. It's her party, not yours.

onepieceofcremeegg · 09/06/2009 11:51

I think that if you are fairly discreet when she hands out the invitations then it is fine. Problems arise (ime) when the child starts handing invites out loudly and other children stand by being ignored. 6 is a lovely number. Problems also occur if the dc is allowed to invite, say 20-25 out of a class of 30.

katiestar · 09/06/2009 13:47

I would be inclined to nvite the other child too .I think rightly or wrongly that the other parent might feel hurt?

forehead · 09/06/2009 13:59

I guarantee that the other parents will feel upset if you dont invite their dd's. They will probably start ignoring you. I agree with Katiestar.

islandofsodor · 09/06/2009 14:01

I am very strongly of the opinion that up until a child starts school parties are more about friends of yours but once they are at school the child should choose their own friends regardless of who your friends are.

GooseyLoosey · 09/06/2009 14:04

I think it would be fine not to invite the child. One of my closest "mum friends" has always invited ds to her dd's party and vice versa but this yr (yr1) we have both had much smaller parties and decided that they are old enough to pick who they invite. Niether were invited to the other's party and as far as I know, niether of us are remotely offended.

plimple · 09/06/2009 14:11

Just tell your friends that it is her party treat and her choice. I wouldn't be offended, but I might if you started being secretive.

Smithagain · 09/06/2009 18:56

Agree with plimple. Her party, her friends. Be discreet about giving out the invitations, but not so discreet that it looks like you've got something to hide! If you detect any bad feeling, just explain that you were limited in numbers and went with the list DD gave you.

eskimum · 09/06/2009 20:52

People can get v upset about party invites - parents and children both.

So I would just be up front about it as you're on friendly chatting terms with Mum A and B.

Say something along lines of "we weren't sure what to do about DD's party this year....but what we're doing is letting her decide....really hope you don't feel put out as your dd isn't one of the 6 this year", maybe make a comment about how thier friendhsips change so much at this age and who knows who she'll be inviting next year.

Surely no-one can be offended then and you can stop worrying.

simplesusan · 12/06/2009 17:04

I think onepiece has hit the nail on the head.

stealthsquiggle · 12/06/2009 17:12

6 is a good number. In Y1 they have to start learning to understand that not all parties are whole class parties. Prime your DD to tell anyone else who asks that she was only allowed to invite 6, and be upfront with the mothers with whom you are friendly - "we said just 6, so we had to let her choose..." Children/parents may be momentarily upset but they will get over it.

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