Anyone else not able to do the school run?

[clemette]

Are there any other posters here who work full-time and are thus not able to pick their children up from school at the "usual" time? I am going back to university full time in September (medicine so it will be full days) and my DD starts reception next January. I have always worked full-time but with nursery I am, of course, able to talk to the people who have been with her all day.

How is it for those who don't have so much direct contact with school? Is it do-able to feel like you are part of the school community, and to get an idea of how your children are doing?

I work full time and since ds was in Primary 2, I have not been able to either drop him off or pick him up from school. I do feel a bit isolated from the school community to be honest and feel that possibly ds has suffered a bit because of that.
When dd starts school after the summer, I am changing my hours so that I can at least drop her off at school and get to know her classmates / teacher and the other parents.

I have to say there are not masses of kids who never have mum or dad to pick them up.

There are some tho. A friend of DS1's mum has always worked FT - she was chair of our governors for ages and I think that really helped.

If you get on the PTa or similar that would be good. Our chair last year was a FT worker but was an excellent chair. In fact someone who is in the world of work is often a good antidote to all us wittering mums! (semi-joking there).

Is there any way you can negotiate just one morning of afternoon where you can show your face and chat to people/see classroom/talk to teacher etc? I really think it would help.

"a friend of DS1's mum" niiiice English! I mean of course "the mum of a friend of DS1's" tho that's not much more elegant really

Yes, there is somebody else - anyone who teaches! Am feeling very disconnected now my ds is at nursery - he does mornings, so have to rely on messages passed on by my (excellent) childminder. Would love to have a parents' evening - it may seem full on for just nursery, but I would love the chance to chat.

Honestly I don't think you'll be missing much by giving the desperate housewives at the gate a miss.
They will all be mightily impressed by your studies to your face and then be jealous and start rumors you and your husband are swingers in my experience.

Think it depends on the school as to how many don't do the school run and the effect it has. I rarely managed it at DD's old school and never do it now (she goes on the bus) and it's been fine. I make a big effort with playdates and party attendance/invites though.

At nursery you get a 5 min chat and a full twitter style break down of their day. At school they just chuck them out the door with a bookbag full of admin notes. So you'll probably be missing out on much less than you think. In your position, I think Id try and organise as many out of school meetups/playdates/pub outings as possible with the other parents to keep up with any playground stuff when I could. Howabout asking for teacher's email so you can ask any quick questions you may have when you need to rather than organising a parents' meeting every time?

clemette - as a bloke I always find it is difficult to join in the 'school gate chats' stuff with Mums anyway.

I just read the notes sent home in book bag and ask to see the teacher if I need to and always go to parents evenings and school plays and other activities so in the end I really do not miss out on knowing what is going on.

You may miss the social side of speaking to other parents at drop off but your DD will not really suffer. You can still see your friends by inviting them over at weekends etc.

When ds started reception I changed my hours to have one day where I went in late so I had some 'face time' with his teacher. I make up the time by going in very early another day. It really helps to know that once a week I can have a quick word if I need to. I never do the pick up (unless I'm off sick) and I do feel that ds misses out on some of the socialising/playdates that goes on. He does get invited occasionally but I can only return the invite at the weekends when most people want to do family things.

You don't get the same handover as at nursery. At school it is a moment of dread if the teacher wants a word - usually because dc has done something you'd rather they hadn't!

I agree about party attendances too. I always stay rather than dump and run as that way I can get to know some of the other parents. We also have dinner with other mums about every two months which is nice.

I study full time (PGCE) so haven't been able to do the school run with dd at her school nursery. As a consequence, she has never been invited to a single birthday party or playdate as I am not part of the mummy mafia that collects outside of the school. Therefore, it affects my dd's social life.

I hope to get a PT teacing position for September when she starts Reception so I can be around for her more, although financially this will be a sacrifice.

If you want to be able to talk to the teacher I would suggest the pick up rather than the drop off as there is a bit more time then.

FBG completely different at ds's school. At pick up time you wait and the dc are handed out one at a time, complete bedlam and you have to wait a long time to speak to the teacher. School finish time is 3.20 but coach leaves at 4pm so boys who are on the coach are supervised by the teacher until then. In the morning school opens at 8.30am and I drop ds off at that time and have the classroom (and his teacher) to myself for a good 10-15 mins if I need to talk.

I have always worked FT and although made an effort during my mat leave when had my DD2,they have their own gangs/politics- I am quite happy to give that a miss. DD have 3-4 really good friends and I get along well with theIR parents.She is happy and thats all matters.I should admit she propably never got lot of playdates etc.,

I wouldn't worry about it. I do pick-up and drop-off every day, and don't really talk to anyone much (apart from one of the nannies, who I really like). There's not much chance ot talk to the teacher (start of the day is better than the end, I find, but when I've needed to talk, I've nipped up to see the DS's teacher while his class are at music/PE/DT/computers - but this is of course easier if you're a SAHM, or a Work-at-home-mother). DD (Reception) is let out of her trap once they've seen that I'm waiting for her; it's pretty chaotic at that time, as the teachers have to make sure the child's parent/nanny/CM is there before they'll let the child go. Both DCs go in to school on their own; DD had a note at Christmas asking parents not to accompany them to the classroom, so there's no chance to talk then.
I've always found that the school and teachers will bend over backwards to be available at a time to suit you, so you'll probably find you'll be fine. If there's any problem, they'll let you know soon enough; if you don't hear from them, you assume it's all fine.
Even if you were there at those times of day, you'd probably find your DD would befriend the children whose parents you wouldn't much want to chat to anyway!!

Thanks everyone - although I still feel anxious about it, I now feel reassured that she won't necessarily suffer because of me!

Playdates?? I've got a whole other world coming haven't I?