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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

We've moved school - help!

14 replies

Dulciedot · 21/05/2009 18:02

We have been at our new school now for nearly a term. Ds is ostensibly very happy but we are struggling with the social side.

The school is small and in a village and every week, or so it seems, there are class invites handed round and ds is never asked.

At the end of term a mum in the playground was giving out fliers for a local children's event, he got one and told me with great glee that it was an invitation to a party, much prized, as 'I am never invited to parties'. He was oblivious but it was so sad.

He is a popular lively boy and at all his schools pre this, this has never been a problem. I want to help him but to be honest my confidence is quite low post the move etc... and I don't know what to do.

By the way I have joined in everything I can with school and help in school once a week.

What to do?

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newpup · 21/05/2009 19:03

Maybe you could try a small gathering of friends at your house. Not a party but a few mates to play football with in the garden and then watch a movie with popcorn?

TheProfiteroleThief · 21/05/2009 19:10

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Original poster

Dulciedot · 21/05/2009 19:31

Thats a good idea, has anyone else experienced this?

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TheProfiteroleThief · 21/05/2009 20:02

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Original poster

Dulciedot · 21/05/2009 20:16

I know I feel utterly desperate but do not want to appear so. We are keeping up with all our old friends, as we are only an hour away. I feel a bit outraged, if I am honest. I am a friendly person and if it were the other way round I think I would have asked the newbie round. Gawd I sound self pittying - I am just wondering if it will ever improve - are we doomed to be outsiders forever. Ds is very socially confident child, however, at some point when he gets older he is probably going to get upset and I want to help avoid that.

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TheProfiteroleThief · 21/05/2009 20:26

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LadyMuck · 21/05/2009 21:21

How organised is your school/class? Is there a class list? A class rep?

DS2 moved school at Easter. He was added to the class list which was circulated to all parents at the start of term, and the class rep specifically spoke to parents who had parties at the start of term to make sure that they were aware that ds2 was starting. He got his first party invites before he had actually started the school, so I can understand why you would be perturbed.

I suspect that without such a system it would have been much more difficult for ds2 to get involved. Perhaps worth having a word with the teacher? He/she might be able to send you in the direction of one of the parents who are firmly in the loop. If your school isn't as organised, then you may have to make the first move though.

Original poster

Dulciedot · 21/05/2009 23:01

There is a class list and there is quite a well organised mums' scene. I have been invited to one event for mums in his class. There is only twenty in it so we are on the road map. The parties, to date, have been some and not all of the class - so I can see why he is not invited if there is pressure on numbers. But I'd be lieing if I said I am not upset as it is going on and on and on and ds's birthday not ill the end of the year.

Btw LadyMuck that is lovely to hear that it doesn't have to be like this!

OP posts:

wools · 22/05/2009 07:06

Dulciedot - no advice I'm afraid but your thread really interests me. DS1 will be changing schools after half-term. At the moment he is very popular and gets invited to lots of parties. I'm dreading him being left out at his new school.
Good luck - I hope he receives his first invite soon.

Original poster

Dulciedot · 25/05/2009 22:24

Wools, if I had my time again I would have been much more pro active and done some early tea date invitations.

That is what I am going to have to do next term.

I am sure your little one will be ok, I think we have just been unlucky.

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Original poster

Dulciedot · 25/05/2009 22:24

Wools, if I had my time again I would have been much more pro active and done some early tea date invitations.

That is what I am going to have to do next term.

I am sure your little one will be ok, I think we have just been unlucky.

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Flyonthewindscreen · 25/05/2009 22:42

We moved school during DS reception year and I did find it took a while (well into Year 1 really) to get him settled socially, although like your DS, mine always did well playdate/partywise in his school. I think partly the explanation is that people have quite tight knit social groups set up from toddler group onwards that it is difficult to break into. However I persevered with playdates, inviting all boys in class to his birthday etc and he is in yr 2 and doing fine friendwise now. I'm sure your DS will break into the social scene at his school soon.

wools · 27/05/2009 06:54

Dulciedot - that is very good advice. His birthday is August so I did wonder if I should bring his party forward to July before they break up for the summer hols and invite the whole class.

Original poster

Dulciedot · 28/05/2009 22:07

Wools, I would definitely bring his party forward.

Thanks KamR for this.

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