My son's school experience so far

[FabulousBakerGirl]

3 years of bullying. Nothing done to stop it.
Teacher saying she would beat the whole class up.
TA saying my child is mean.
Another child pulling his hair out.
Wish I could protect him.

I think you need to get a clear picture of what is going on...
My ds (6) said his teacher had hit him on the head and told him off for asking for help.....
What this was really was she touched his head so she could speak quietly when she asked the class to work in silence and he was asking other children to help him!!

No point in feeling ashamed, and no need. If you feel you'd like to do things differently now, you can.His school doesn't seem to be taking it very seriously, over a long time, and you might be fighting a losing battle there.
One q I always ask schools is do they get a lot of kids joining later on. I ask because ime these are often schools who attract kids who're not having a good time elsewhere, and word gets about that children aren't left to sink or swim there. That's the kind of environment I want my dcs to be in. And if you look about you'll know what's out there and your ds will know there are options and that you're taking what's happening to him seriously, even if you don't end up taking him out.
It does surprise me that a lot of parents seem to think that this sort of experience is just how it is, when I'd hope they wouldn't dream of staying in a job or relationship like that themselves.

I just know the Head doesn't think there is any bullying at school.

FBG - I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for you and your son, its a horrible situation to find yourself in and it sounds like its really upsetting both of you.
there's been some great supportive suggestions made here, I hope you find something to work out for you - I can't add anything because the bullying my daughters were subjected to was of a girly/bitchy nature rather than physical.

i hope you and your ds enjoy the chocolate cake later!!

hang in there x

I really want to talk to DH about it but he is still in the meeting he started at 9am.

If you feel the HT is not doing enough to address the bullying, write to the Chair of the Board of Guvernors. They will have to talk to the head about it and take action ... ask for a reply in writing. Is this a private school ...? Sorry haven't read whole thread .. how old is he?

State school.

He is 8.

In all honesty, am I over reacting?

I have no idea what is normal. I went to hundreds of schools and didn't have a normal upbringing so have never been a normal child.

I fight too much for my child as no one ever fought for me.

FBG it is not normal - and you can never fight too much for a child. It sounds like it is many things over a long time.

Just spoke to Dh.

He said our son has to learn to stay away from this other boy.

Can't understand why I want to take him out.

I have agreed to stay calm.

Will have to see what the teacher says. I am really worried I will cry.

the bit that I don't like the sound of is the head insisting that there is no bullying in the school

that ime is usually the sign that bullying is a problem in a school

good schools know they can't afford to bury their heads in the sand over this issue

my dc's primary schools were extremely good at dealing with any potential problem- and they didn't do it by denying there was a problem either

what they did do was to listen to both sides of any event, to defuse situations and , most importantly, to train all the children both how to deal with bullying and how to look out for others and make sure nobody was being bullied

Agree with cory. If a teacher says they have no bullying "we have a bullying policy" then they are telling porkies. I've had the "we have a bullying policy" ergo we have no bullying tried on me vis a vis dd more than once.

(And they're TEACHERS! Why on earth to otherwise intelligent people think this is a reasonable piece of logical thinking?)

of course their approach did sometimes mean that parents who came in to complain about bullying were surprised to find that other people interpreted a situation differently from their own child

this will happen

ds had two friends round yesterday, another 8yo and his 6yo little brother

after half an hour the 6yo poked his head round my office door

'Please mrs C, can you come and tell off; they're being nasty to me'

now I had been listening and knew perfectly well that what had in effect happened was that ds and the other big boy had told him that they were not allowed to play a certain game (throwing bombs) in our house, and suggested that they should play with something else.

But he was convinced that they had been nasty to him, because they wouldn't do what he wanted, and he was genuinely upset.

Not suggesting your ds is not being bullied, but sometimes situations can be interpreted in more than one way.

Do you think your dh feels there's some shame attached to leaving a school if there's bullying. Not saying that's what you should do, of course I don't know you or the school, but it's odd that his reaction isn't that it's not happening, but that your ds needs to learn to stay away.
Bullied children, and again, no assumptions that this is your ds, do need to find strategies and skills themselves, but you don't always get to make a lot of choices about avoiding other kids at school when you're 8.

Have been to se the teacher.

The playground staff member can't remember ever talking to my DS this week. When his teacher asked him again in from of the PSM he was very vague (I wonder why) and just kept saying he couldn't remember.

The hair pulling seems to be an accident. This other child fell over mine and grabbed his hair when he fell.

The teacher told me if is my job as his mum to fight for him and I can see her any time I want. She has told my DS who to go to if anything happens but has reiterated that she isn't a mind reader so can't deal with things if she doesn't know they have happened.

She said a lot of the class have been being unkind to each other and she is now implimenting a reward system for kindness to try and encourage them all. She said my son was very kind to a boy who was upset today and said my son had told this child he would support him.

I feel a bit happier, thank you all.

ah, well done!

sounds like the teacher is on the ball and is going to help everybody behave better

Well done for speaking with her. Glad you feel happier.

Oh well done, it sounds like she's on the ball and it's not something you need to be too fretful about in this instance.

Good for you, the right course of action and superb action.

With regards to the TAs comment couldn't that have been misinterpretation?

"Those boys said I can't play with them"
"Well that's a bit mean to say that isn't it"?

She meant what the boys said, he interpreted it differently.

No, ellingwoman.

I don't believe the PSM has forgotten talking to him tbh. I think she realises she has said something she shouldn't.

I feel much better now and really appreciate all your help and saying I have done the right thing.

Good on you FBG. That's exactly what your child needs, to see his mum acting for him and getting result. Well done.

I was so proud today (and pleased the teacher followed through)

He came out wearing a sticker saying "I was kind to someone today." I asked him who and he said lots of people.

I love happy endings