Should I stay or should I go now....

[JenJam]

If I go there will be trouble. If I stay there will be double

My son is 4 this November, i'm 4 months pregnant expecting a second child at the end of October. We know we have to move soon, because we are not happy living in a 2 bed flat on a busy main road, I have been diagnosed with asthma this year and the local primary is not great.....

I've only just registered that most boroughs require a primary school application form to be submitted by November of this year, which coincides with delivery of a new child. (where did the time go??)

We haven't yet decided where we are moving to...we've lived in Islington for 15 years, we're thinking Oxford or West Berks might suit us (as family live there). but are not sure and need to do some research.

While I know our future might look countryfied, I don't quite feel ready for it yet, but I feel I should force the move now to coincide with the primary application business - I'm assuming it's pointless to try to move into an area after reception places have been allocated - I'm guessing I could be allocated anything anywhere wherever there is space. and we'll have no chance of getting a place at one of the primary schools we have been thinking of halfway through reception or to start year one. anyone try this? am I correct or wrong in my thinking?

Is it selfish or good sense to have my second child in London, settle into a routine with the existing mummy network support system I have, keep my son in a familiar nursery that he enjoys, then move next spring when my second child is 6-8 months old, and bugger the school consequences...or do I get my finger out and get shifted before september. Risk the potential misery of being lonely out of town, a 1.5 hour drive from mummy and non-mummy friends, with no chance of any freelance work, with a potentially unsettled elder child trying out a new nursery/primary at same time as settling into new lifestyle with new baby all by myself as ordinarily helpful partner will be doing a MUCH longer commute, getting home later than he would in london

and how long in advance of filling the application do you have to move to an area anyway???

If I move in september at 8 months pregnant I'll probably have to switch hospital. and that is freaking me out too. i had a fourth degree tear last time and I like the idea of going back to the same hospital (yes as I type this I am also asking myself the question "And Why??"). I guess they know me and will do their best to avoid it happening again...

What would you do if you were me?
The sensible right thing that might make me unhappy

Or the emotionally right but practically wrong for child education thing

love to hear your perspectives.

ooooh-in my view if mummy's not happy-then nobody's happy! You're expecting and IMO the sensible thing is to put yourself first. Also there's a lot of transitions/changes coming soon in future for you and your son so it makes sense to me to separate the hazards, so to speak.

I would stay put and start him mid year, or next year, whenever you move.

You don't legall;y have to send him to school until he is five.

I moved during ds's reception year and it was quite hard for him to make new friends when he went back into year one at a diff school.

It sounds like staying in London for now would be far better for everyone - especially as the arrival of a new baby will be quite strssful enough (not least for ds) without moving on top of that...iyswim, he needs familiarity if he's going to have an upheaval like a new sib.

You sound happy where you are, take advantage of that and start looking by all means but don't force the issue - I usually find that's the least successful way to do anything iykwim!

something will come up
things might change
Most of all your 4yo will be much more upset if he has a new house at the same time as a new baby. And you might need nursery to be a very secure place for him while mummy's in hosp or whatever.

Good luck xx

Thanks for taking the time to respond. i do want to stay in London but I feel guilty for not making the move at a time that could be advantageous for school application.

anyone have any experience of moving children in reception or year one? did you get offered a place or have to wait for a long time/get allocated a school you did not want?

Also anyone know where you can go to find out the 'soft information' about primary schools...i.e. their values etc

I've found loads of stuff about exam results and independent schools, but no guide to state primaries

Thanks for all

We moved to the country after our dd had been at school in London for two years, honestly it wasn't a good move. Firstly she found it very very hard to say goodbye to old friends and make new ones. Even though I wouldn't have said she had very strong friendship groups in London. One of the problems was that children in this area had all known each other since they were babies. It's not the same as London, all Mum's with babies know each other - just because of numbers. Secondly I found the same problem as dd, all the Mum's had known each other from year dot, so although I know loads of people - none of them are proper friends. I wish we'd moved when I was pg, my youngest was almost 3 when we arrived here, so I did do nursery etc - but still it was too late.

We moved out of London in December 2007, JUST in time to submit our school application for Jan 08 (Sept 09 start). DS1 didn't get our first choice as I didn't know how the ''rules of the game'' for local school applications worked - although he has been at our second choice school through reception. My daughter starts school this September and we've got my son on the waiting list for a place in Reception/ though more likely now Year 1.

We moved when I was pg with our third, so I made lots of mummy friends very quickly through NCT or nursery - my son has lots of friends at his current school, but he has kept up with his nursery buddies too - most of whom have gone on to the school we are moving him to. So I do agree with MagNaCarta that moving when pregnant did help me to make those bonds, and I hope that it will help DS1 in the transition to his new school, although I am worried about it.

However, having said all that, where we live (T Wells), there are loads of people moving in all the time as the schools are so good, that I have met people who have only recently moved, put their children into local schools midway through a year and haven't had any problems making new friends or settling.

HTH a bit.

Jen - we were on a waiting list for two vg schools here. The first we were offered a place at for reception just before term began, so took it.

When we moved ds was at home with me for the last term of reception and the first half of the autumn term, then the second school rang (nearer to us) and offered a place as another child had left.

It wasn't as hard as you'd think - they don't always have people queueing up to join in the later year groups, as most people like to stay with their school if possible, obviously.

Definitely easier to get in somewhere if you are willing to take a small chance and give it time.

and the second school had a sibling list of 14 when we initially applied, which gives you an idea how hard a place was to get.
It's only a class of 30 and v highly contested for reception.

thanks, gives me lots to think about. where do you live international? is it worth it, are you happy? magnacarta. that sounds horrible and exactly what i was worried about have you/your daughter settled in now? did you do anything in particular to help her along...bribe the other kids with playdate tea parties etc. on the positive side, my son is quite good at just 'slotting in' at the mo, if we are in the park, he kind of sees another boy and says 'let's run around or do you want to see my thomas (the tank)' and that usually just does the trick. but i guess once you get to 6 or 7 you've learnt the social rules a bit more and that's when it gets difficult.

southernmeekat, what were the local rules of the game. i don't think i know them either!

Places come up at schools at all sort of different times, for all sorts of different reasons, and it seems to me there is more often space in country schools than schools in towns and cities. My friend moved out of London as her DS1 was going into Yr 1 and had no problems at all with him settling in, or with finding a space.

So personally, I wouldn't get too hung up about this being "the right time" to move, if it isn't the right time for you for other reasons. As long as you do some research into schools at the same time as you are looking at houses, I would have thought you'd be fine.

FWIW, I have found it very easy to make friends in the country - much, much easier than I found it in London.

I think you need to plan moving a bit more tbh. Not necessarily with the idea of moving in the next few months, but at least by summer have a firm idea of where you want to be. From that you can look at specific schools, and find out how quickly places come up. At the moment everything is hypothetical so there's no hard and fast answer.

FWIW I moved when very pregnant and found it easier to then make mummy friends with my new-born through NCT and local baby groups, rather than trying to join established groups with my older dc.

I didn't realise that you HAVE to tick a box saying that you are choosing a school for religious reasons, even if you aren't. I ticked the box for the Catholic school (as we are) which was our second choice, but I didn't for the C of E school as I was being honest because we didn't choose it for religious reasons but because it was the nearest/best school to us.

Still, fingers crossed it should all work out as DD starts at our first choice in Sept and DS1 should also get a place to start in Y1.