Pop quiz - what would you do?

[marblemind]

DS was in trouble the other day for something he swears he didn't do. No punishment, just told off and me duly spoken to (cringe!) My take on it is that the TA probably had a crap playtime, DS got the brunt of it, and he was the one that got told off by the teacher because she had to support her TA. He hasn't let it go all weekend though and is adamant the telling off was unjust. I keep telling him that sometimes adults make mistakes, teachers can't see everything blah blah and you have to live with it, and as long as he knows he didn't so it there's no problem. Should I be sticking up for him more, or am I right to let it go?

How old is ds?

let it go.

Thanks both, he's 7. I agree I should probably let it go. Am feeling a bit irked that school harp on so much about SEAL and making sure children believe in themselves and are able to stand up for themselves, but don't seem to practice what they preach. Bit of lip service going on I think.

it is a lesson isnt it, life sometimes just isnt fair.
he should move on.

point taken!

In that case, definitely let it go. Lesson learned about the unfairness of life - something he'll have to get used to unfortunately!

Hmm I'm with you a bit on this marblemind, but it's true it's a life lesson (possibly in not being in the wrong place at the wrong time)

I simmer away quietly when this happens, but outwardly explain that teachers often just have to carpet bomb the area with tellings off, because they have so many to deal with etc. It's not always a fair result, but then again not always clear to teachers exactly what's occurred.

I had to explain peer pressure to dd(also 7) the other day when the whole school were punished for the misdemeanors of a few.

Ie the disapproval of your classmates who have been kept in too is a powerful tool used by teachers to get a minority to behave. She looked somewhat unconvinced.

I notice the teacher actually spoke to you though. That ups the ante a bit in my book.

As you are convinced ds is innocent, I might in your situation, just quietly 'update' the teacher. She did after all feel it noteworthy enough to mention the incident to you in the first place.

You could say ds is feeling a little aggrieved but that you have explained the life's not always fair bit to him.

As you weren't there I guess you can't take it further than that, but she will know that you have taken it seriously and discussed the incident further with ds.

I don't think it does any harm for teachers to know that you are keeping a close eye on school life and that you listen, talk to and believe your son.

Thanks TsarChasm. I know it's a lesson and DH is a teacher so I do get the thing about teachers not being always able to see the whole event. happens is a phrase that springs to mind!
I do believe him, don't get me wrong I don't always think he's squeaky clean, but he's very literal about stuff, which reinforces it for me.
Thanks for the advice tho............

My dd went on for yonks about one time she was kept in for playtime because someone accused her of bullying them along with some other girls. She wasn't even in school when the offense occurred, but didn't realise this until she'd seethed over it all day.

I had to keep telling her that life wasn't always fair and it was one of those things....

Poor girl - sounds like a harrible experience. Don't you think though that in these days of school committees, pupil involvement, SEAL .......... to name but a few, schools are forever harping on about what agreat job they're doing in involving children in their own education and collecting kitemarks to add to the letter head, but when a child doesn't think something's a fair response the line's alrady drawn as it was many years ago - big people are always right.

or horrible even, sorry!

Thanks Marblemind. I remember it happened just before a school holiday and I offered to speak to the teacher about it but as time went on it just became inappropriate. I bet a fiver if I asked her the worst thing that had ever happened to her this would be it

I figure that she wasn't physically injured by it and in life we do sometimes get treated unfairly. It is a life lesson and something we have to teach our kids to handle.

It sounds like you dealt with this well. And you clearly have a great relationship with your boy as he told you about it. If he can use you as a vent for this kind of thing, he at least has the validation of a supportive parent.

My ds got into bad trouble at school one day - he actually hurt his friend. He then got into trouble again because he apparently 'swore" at another child.He was absolutely mortified for losing his temper and hurting his friend, was insistent that he deserved his punishment and of his own bat wrote a letter of apology. But he waS incensed at the swearing accusation. I was so angry with him that at first I assumed guilt and ignored him - but when I calmed down I checked with other parents,and discovered that a little girl had been taunting him for crying, he told her to shut up and another child had interpreted this as swearing when she told the teacher what he had done. His teacher listened to the real story, apologized to my ds for assuming the worst about him and did everything she could to put things right, including a chat to the whole class about telling tales. A very valuable lesson all round. So it might be worth persuing.

Well I did it - and I feel so much better for having done so. I toyed with leaving it, but he's clearly agrieved about it, so this morning I had a quiet word. I explained how DS sees it from his perspective, I took care not to lay blame (as teacher wasn't there either when the incident happened) but I just said I wanted her to know how DS sees it, so that she could understand where he was coming from and why he got so upset. His teacher thanked me for letting her know and for having discussed it with him! End of. I'll continue to reinforce the lesson that things aren't always fair as I do believe it's an important one, but I feel that I've given him a bit of support and that we can continue to talk over difficult things in the future.
Thanks so much all - you've really helped me manage this more calmly than I would've done