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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

ds starting school in September, very worried he won't be ready.

27 replies

ruty · 21/04/2009 08:42

Ds turns 5 in September, so he'll be one of the oldest in his class. Thing is, they've scrapped the half day only for a term that they have done until this year, and ds has never really been to nursery. he did go for a little bit, but I had dd and he wanted to stay with us and i let him. The other thing is that he is quite old for his age in terms of vocabulary and interaction, but has very high emotions and sometimes finds them hard to cope with. I'm trying to get him some playschool/nursery places for this term, though everything is absurdly booked round here, but getting increasingly worried that he won't be able to cope with a nine till three day, it will be a big shock to his system. Is there anything I can do? I'd really like to part HE him for a year though I'm not sure any school will allow that. Would the school allow him only to do half days for a term? Not sure they would make a special exception.

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Mungarra · 21/04/2009 08:54

I'd see how he goes before worrying about it. He might love being at school. He's going to be one of the oldest so he has an advantage over the other kids. Many thousands of children go to reception every year (and they do get tired at first) but they seem to be able to cope. They're mostly playing at first anyway.

I'd wait and see if there's a problem.

Original poster

ruty · 21/04/2009 10:08

it just seems like a very long day to me. Wish they hadn't scrapped the half day thing for a term, very annoying.

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compo · 21/04/2009 10:10

ours only had half days for 3 weeks anyway
I agree it's best to wait and see how he gets on
he's already at an advantage being one of the oldest in reception

savoycabbage · 21/04/2009 10:20

It is a long day and my dd is tired out after every day! At our school they encourage you to have a morning off or a day or sleep in, which I have done. They say there is no point in them being there if they are so tired.

My friend's ds started reception in January. She was very worried about him as he was still having a long afternoon nap each and every day after nursery. She forced him to drop this a few weeks before he started but is was very difficult and this made her more convinced that he would never be able to manage. However after the first couple of weeks, when they are all exhausted anyway, he was fine. She was amazed.

I think we all have our worries about how they will cope with different things when they start but you may fine he will adapt better than you think. September is quite a way away.

Original poster

ruty · 21/04/2009 12:16

that sounds nice, having the odd lie in if they're tired. Feel a bit torn at present, guess we'll have to see where we are in Sep.

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lljkk · 21/04/2009 12:21

My experience & feeling is that he will be fine, Ruty, the school is used to dealing with emotionally immature children.

DS2 has a June birthday, and was noticeably much more emotionally immature than older siblings when they started school (they have autumn birthdays). DS had a rough start and some days are still volatile, but mostly he is doing well and I feel that he needs the social interaction and intellectual stimulation.

Legacy · 21/04/2009 12:23

DS2 started school when he was 4 years and 1 month. He used to fall asleep on the carpet at story time.

If your son is one of the oldest ones I am sure he will be fine. Sounds more like you're not sure YOU will cope

SouthernMeerkat · 21/04/2009 13:06

My DS1 started reception last year - he's an April baby - and he'd only ever done 1 full day a week at nursery. He coped fine - much better than I expected although we have had the odd meltdown in the run up to half term or holidays. September is still 5 months away - still quite a long time for him to mature and cope with longer days.

Original poster

ruty · 21/04/2009 13:10

yes i think he is intellectually more mature and quite possible emotionally, well maybe not immature but very all over the place with emotions like anger, feelings about unfairness, homesickness, etc.

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MollieO · 21/04/2009 13:56

Looking at ds's year the older born ones did better than the younger ones and seemed so grown up by comparision. Less of a difference as the academic year has progressed.

Original poster

ruty · 21/04/2009 15:57

I'm worried about him fitting in/making friends. He just won't interact with children due to start with him, his friends have already started school. Everyone is shocked he is in the same year as other 4 year olds, they al assume he has started school already. He is very tall and very verbal [but of course in many other ways like any 4 year old]

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Littlefish · 22/04/2009 19:00

Ruty - just because the school say they have scrapped the part time thing doesn't mean that your ds has to go full time. Education (either home ed or school) is only statutory from the term after they turn 5. Therefore, you are perfectly within your rights to talk to the school and let them know that your ds will be going part time initially. They cannot refuse you, nor can they take away his place.

Obviously it's always best if decisions like this are made in consultation with the school, but if they dig their heels in, you can dig yours in deeper!

Original poster

ruty · 22/04/2009 19:05

ah, but the problem is that he turns 5 this september, so he will have to go full time won't he?

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Littlefish · 22/04/2009 19:08

I'm sure he doesn't have to go full time until the term after he's 5, which means the January term.

Therefore, you can insist on him going part time for the Autumn term, or at least start off part time until he's a bit more settled.

This is a quote from the admissions book for my area...

"By law, your child reaches school age at the beginning of the term after the one in which his or her fifth birthday falls."

katiestar · 22/04/2009 19:16

He doesn't have to go fulltime until January.Would like to second the point that he CAN go part time.In any case what are they going to do if you turn up at lunchtime -they can hardly refuse to hand him over can they !

Original poster

ruty · 22/04/2009 19:24

Really? because my county have just made all the children go full time from September. Can I challenge it or is it a county rule? It would be great if I could.

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Littlefish · 22/04/2009 19:30

Yes, you can challenge it. They will give you all sorts of reasons why he should go full time e.g. "all the others will be doing it and you wouldn't want him to miss out socially", "he's one of the older ones and the older ones always cope" etc. etc. etc.

However, you know your own child. I think the best thing to do is to make sure that you've accepted the school place formally. Then, make an appointment to go and meet with the headteacher and Foundation Stage Co-ordinator to discuss your concerns.

Also, you could speak to the Early Years Team at the LEA and let them know that you know about the ""By law, your child reaches school age at the beginning of the term after the one in which his or her fifth birthday falls."

The other thing is that actually, once you've accepted the place, I think you can actually defer him starting school until the January. Given what you've said though, I don't think this is a good option. It sounds like a few weeks (or half a term, or even a whole term) of part time might help him to settle in and give him the confidence to develop friendships with the other children.

You don't need to fix anything in stone at the beginning. Why not play it on a week by week basis and see how he copes after a week of part time. If he needs to do another week of part time, then that's what he does.

I'm a former Reception teacher and deputy head and feel very strongly that children are ready for school at different times, and it is up to the school to ensure that all children have a positive and successful transition into Reception. As such, I have always worked in a really flexible way with parents to ensure that each child's needs are met.

Original poster

ruty · 22/04/2009 19:56

Thanks LittleFish, that is very helpful. One of the problems is, the school is so large and parents so keen to get their kids into it that the headmistress never meets parents, when we went to have a look around a child showed us around and we were told the headmistress never shows the parents around, so I have no idea how she is going to react, and even if a meeting with her is possible.Perhaps i should ask to speak to the Foundation Stage co-ordinator as you suggest.

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Littlefish · 22/04/2009 20:02

Yes, good idea. If the school is big, then the FS co-ordinator will act in place of the Headteacher.

Make sure you've formally accepted the place first!

stillenacht · 22/04/2009 20:03

He'll be one of the oldest - feel sory for the ones that have just turned 4. He will be fine

Original poster

ruty · 22/04/2009 20:18

i have accepted it LF, thanks.

I do feel sorry for the little ones, and ye I fee 5 is still very small, especially as he is used to being with me at home.

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smee · 22/04/2009 20:22

ruty - can you do a bit more to find him a friend or two who'll start when he does? My son found starting lots easier because he knew two other girls. We did a couple of play dates before hands and they weren't great mates, but it really helped them all the transition. In fact I'd say it made a massive difference. Really worth it if you can.

Littlefish · 22/04/2009 20:27

I agree with Smee. Hopefully, you'll meet the other parents and children at the series of induction afternoons the school will hold at the end of the summer term. It would be great if you could hook up with one or two of them over the holidays.

The other thing that might help, if you're worried about how he will cope with being in a new place, is to arrange to take lots of photos of things like the classroom, the loo, the dining hall, the playground, the coat pegs etc. You can then talk through them with your ds at regular intervals during the holidays.

Original poster

ruty · 22/04/2009 20:39

one of the problems is that the children we know who are starting in his year he has real problems playing with - he is reluctant to engage with them, I have invited a couple of boys around, he is much more verbal and gets on so much better with children in the year above - the gap may well close later on but right now, combined with the fact he is very tall, it is a bit of a problem.

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smee · 22/04/2009 21:51

There'll be lots of other kids. Littlefish's idea's good. Wait until the induction sessions and see if you can spot potential likely kids, then corner the parents. Most will agree to a meet in a park as everyone worries about starting school.

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