Should I move DS to a different school? Am not happy! (longish)

[TooMuchCaffeine]

DS is in reception. He has been a bit unsettled lately over unpleasantness directed towards him by some other boys - that may have started off as a prank, but seemed to be gettign out of hand to the extent that DS did not eat his packed lunch for three days because of the remarks they had been making, plus he was pushed very hard and had a bad injury to his hand by one of those boys. There has also been incidents of him being hit by another pair of boys who had been generally naughty in class.

I had noted this with his teacher who said on Friday she spoke to the boys concerned about the lunchtime issue and from what I gather the other two boys who were being generally naughty was being dealt with - although it does not seem that the fact that they had hit DS was ever addressed.

But on Monday DS was clingy and reluctant to get ready for school saying "I wish I had never started school... ". Imagine hearing your 5 yo say something like that. Perhaps I should have waited to see how Monday would turn out however after dropping DS off, I immediately sent an email to head teacher outlining my concerns and letting her know we were unhappy and thinking of moving schools because that was the last straw for me. Perhaps I was over-reacting, but I was very upset about this.

DS told me that the boys had been spoken to by the Head that day and made to apologise to him. Head teacher implied in her reply to my email that this was being treated as bullying (although she has never told me about what action she took). So when I was speaking to one of the boys mums (the one who pushed him) I happened to mention - what's happening between X and DS have they fallen out. She knew nothing about any of this and was horrified that a) her son had been responsible for such a thing and b) that the school had not even told her what was happening. We have managed to sort this out and she is going to take it up witht he head.

Generally I have found his teacher to be dismissive and patronising and defensive when I ask her about certain things to do with DS (and this view is shared by other parents). DS is one of the clever ones in the class and it feels to me that this ticks a box for her so she doesn't need to bother about him. I am really disappointed with her as a reception teacher generally. It is known that she yells at the children and I know that DS would find that upsetting to be around, but puts this nice smiley face on for the parents.

I can't wait for summer term to end so he can be out of her class - but I worry that Year 1 will just bring more of the same?
Would you move schools? DS apart from when he is unsettled about what happens in class is relatively OK with the school - but I am unhappy even though on paper this is a good school with a great Ofsted and results.

What did the school say to you about the bad injury to his hand? The problem is that everything else seems to be what your ds has told you happened - I'm not suggesting that he's not telling the truth, but at this age things do sometimes get a bit garbled. If one of mine said they were pushed, for example, I would never assume without more evidence that it was a deliberate push rather than a jostle in the queue or even an accident. But the injury is something that you should have been spoken about at the end of the day, and that would have been a good 'in' to talking about your broader concerns.

I moved my dd out of her nursery which was attatched to a school after half a term as the teacher was awful. I have never regretted it although it was a very hard decision at the time. Some of the other parents never spoke to me again but it was the right decision to make for my child. Like yours , this school had a good OFSTED and was highly thought of.

I did go and talk to the head and sh was so ineffectual that it was the final nail in the coffin for me. In your case the head has got involved though so you may have got a bad teacher but the school might be OK.

I would have expected an explanation from the school about how your ds' hand was injured. At ours they record even the smallest of grazes and bumps and give parents a slip of paper with an explanation of what happened and how it was treated, eg

"John tripped over in the playground and grazed his left knee. Graze cleaned with water."

For a more serious injury there would be more detail.

I wouldn't necessarily have expected the other parents to have been informed about what happened. Usually these things are dealt with by the school and parents aren't involved. If this was part of a pattern of behaviour though I would want to know if my child was doing this.

In your position I would probably hang on until Yr1. That will hopefully give you a chance to see whether the difficulties are due to an individual teacher or if it's the school as a whole that you are unhappy with. It sounds as though the Head is listening to your concerns and acting on them, eg speaking to the boys, but obviously I'm only going on what you have posted here.

Thanks for y9uor posts. School has never said anything about his hand at all, except to tell me that he receive first aid, and in fact I bumped into the teacher who gave him the first aid in Morrisons! But nothing about how/why he got it and what happened afterwards.

The Headteacher is fabulous so far. The class teacher as far as I am concerned is shite. However DS really likes her so what can I say - I take that to be a huge relief because if he for one second did not like her I would have moved him out of the school sooner.

I am very relieved that the other child's mum is coming round this week. It was turning into a "shoot the messenger" situation but it does seem to be sorted now between her and I. The two boys were like two peas in a pod on Friday. Me and DH feel that she has lost control of the class because of the naughty element (plus her frequent absences) and some of the children have taken liberties with this.

Funny how everyone one feels that the hand injury is the most key thing - I always saw the lunchtime harassment as the major thing that caused me to take action.

How long has the teacher been at the school, do you know?

The issue as I see it is that the hand injury is the only thing you actually have concrete proof of - the "lunchtime harassement" is only what your ds has told you - and you really have no idea what actually happened - you only have the account of a 5 year old. My ds got into trouble at school on Friday for 'swearing" at another child - it turned out that he had told her to shut up because she was teasing him. Another child told the teacher he swore and was believed. She said later "Well, saying shut up is like swearing, isn't it?" And this lot are 8, not 5!

I think it's too soon to be thinking about moving.

The head teacher has told you that this is being treated as bullying. That's good, as most schools have strong policies on bullying (although as this is happening in YR I expect the remedy will be based on explaining to the boys why their behaviour is unacceptable, and teaching them better ways to behave, rather than a harsh punishment). You could ask to see the school's bullying policy.

You have made it clear to the school that you expect the bullying to stop and I think that - for now at least - you have to leave it in their hands. These are very small children and it may take a little time to get everything back on an even keel but I don't think you should assume that these boys are dyed-in-the-wool bullies and will always pick on your son.

Not all schools provide information about injuriesm by the way. When my daughter was injured by another pupil, I only heard about it by chance.