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Original poster

'She tried to strangle me'. In year R!!?? What would you do?

11 replies

eskimum · 04/04/2009 21:03

Last day of school on Friday and DD who is in year R came home and said that at lunchtime another girl in her class, helped by a year 1 girl, had put her hands round her neck and tried to strangle her and pushed her head into the earth. It seems this was in the context of a 'game' they were playing, but it hurt my DD, she felt upset but didn't cry, she said it hurt and tried to get away from them but couldn't and this went on for ?? until the whistle went. She also pinched her a number of times which also hurt. DD didn't say anything to the teacher when they went back into class.

I've arranged to meet up with this girl and her Mum in the holidays!! What would you say?

And what would you say to the teacher next term/what would you expect her to do?

DD is very easy going and seems to have made lots of friends but no best friend yet. But I'm worrying now that she is too easy going and doesn't know how to stand up to this kind of thing, she's never had to before. And I wasn't really expecting this kind of thing in year R .

OP posts:
Original poster
eskimum · 04/04/2009 21:36

Any advice, please??

OP posts:
hercules1 · 04/04/2009 21:38

Hi,
I would give the teacher a ring after the holiday and leave a messge for her to call you back and discuss it with her.

frogs · 04/04/2009 21:47

They were probably just messing about. Children do seem to need a lot of repetition of the message that putting hands or objects round necks (their own or other people's) is a bad idea. At my older dc's school there was an incident involving two children trying to pull another one around the playground by a skipping rope wrapped round his neck. There was no particularly malicious intent involved, but obviously it could have been hideous so there were consequences for the kids involved, and the head did have a Formal Word with all the dc in assembly.

Have a quiet word with the teacher, but don't assume that your dd is sharing a classroom with a homicidal 5yo.

Original poster
eskimum · 04/04/2009 23:16

Yes i agree she proabably is not a homocidal maniac!! And probably perfectly nice child. But, also, not a pleasant thing to happen, esp when you're 5. Mostly concerned about dd having to deal with things like this and learn to stand up for herself a bit better...

OP posts:
EachPeachPearMum · 04/04/2009 23:24

sorry- not much help, as my DC are younger so not had this yet... but eskimum - I love your name!

Elibean · 05/04/2009 09:24

My dd is also in YR, and although she's had no problems there she did get pushed by one boy quite a bit back in pre-school....I taught her some techniques, namely saying 'I do'nt like that' very loudly, 'stop, I don't like you doing that, you're hurting me' etc...then, if they don't stop, she knows to tell an adult.

You could even role play a bit with her, giving her ideas as to what to say and do if anything like that happens again? Meantime, she might want to say something to the child who did it when you meet up in the hols (if you meet up) - such as 'when you did xyz, I didn't like it, and I don't want you to do that again, ok?'.

Then a quiet word with the teacher at the start of term, because my main concern would be the Y1 child getting involved - good to have an eye on them there too!

mrz · 05/04/2009 10:21

Tell the teacher!
I always tell parents I can't do anything about things I haven't witnessed unless I'm told either by the child or by their parent.

Original poster
eskimum · 05/04/2009 15:20

Thanks for your ideas Elibean, I'm certainly going to start teaching her what to say/do in such situations and practice this with her. I don't know why she didn't tell the teacher that day tho, as she knows this is what she should do, and she adores the teacher so no problem there.
I think suggesting that she say something to the girl when we meet up is a really good idea as well, if she feels that she wants to.
I will be saying something to the teacher as well, especially as I appreciate what you say Mrz that you can't do anythign unless you've been told about it! and so I think its best to mention it now in case anything else happens.

OP posts:
MuffinBaker · 05/04/2009 15:22

To me it doesn't matter if they were messing about or whether she meant to hurt your DD. The fact is what she did was totally unacceptable and she needs to be spoken too. How would you feel if your child did it, surely you would want to know?? (to those that think it is just kids being kids)

Elibean · 05/04/2009 18:11

Good for you, eskimum

Have to say, when I saw dd (then just 4) practising what I'd taught her on said boy (who was nearly 5 and a lot taller) by saying 'STOP, I don't like you doing that' very fiercely - I was proud, and v relieved. And impressed, because the poor lad looked stunned then backed away in confusion. He hadn't realized what he was doing, really, but needed to - dd taking a stand did the job better than I'd anticipated!

t875 · 05/04/2009 23:33

My daughter yr r said this to me last week about her friend. Her friend is very boysterous and hands on anyway and i dont like it, I have told my daughter to steer well clear and to calmly tell her that she doesnt like the way she is so rough when she plays and until you change it i wont play with you.

Good luck, hope things calm down!!

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