If your child falls out with friends, do you get involved or just let it sort it self out?

[Fimbo]

A very long tale today from dd of "she said", "I said". Main trouble stems from being in a triangle friendship, although from what dd has told me I don't think she helped the situation today at all.

Why are girls so mean to each other (they are 10 btw).

Do you just let your dc get on with it and sort it out themselves?

Let them sort it out. Yes girls can be evil!
My 1 DD had more 'friendship trouble' than all of her 5 brothers put together!

Thanks notagrannyyet. It is what I tend to do, but one of the girls is just so full of vitriol and my dd always seems to do or say the wrong thing to wind her up.

Thank goodness my youngest is a boy!

I don't know why girls always seem to hook up in 3s which can only lead to trouble.
I don't know why girls are like this , it happens so much I think it must be some instinct females are born with.It would be interesting to know if there is some evolutionary purpose to it .
Sorry i digress.Unless one child is obviously cantinually being bullied I would stay well out of it !!

She is going to High School in September and I am hoping that she will meet new friends. She only has 9 girls in her class of 30, so it is hard to find new ones. There will be other people coming from surrounding villages so hopefully there will be a better mix.

You can't get involved, other than encouraging (inviting them round etc) the friendships they are keen on.
I do agree on these friendship triangles- they never work and someone is always going to get hurt.
It is horrible that most girls seem to say quite hurtful things to each other at one stage or another.

She doesn't really see them out of school as they are into music, whilst my dd is more sporty so the clubs are all on at different times. They all go to Guides together though.

I would say to stay out of it...it is a great learning experience for your DD to learn how to solve her own problems. If you get involved, she will never learn to deal with them herself, and unfortunately thats not the way life works.
Girls (and kids in general) can be SO cruel to one another, but as difficult as it is watching your DD upset or going through a difficult time with friends, I personally beleive it is imperative to let them sort it out themselves and fight their own battles so to speak. Obviously this is within reason, if there is signs of bullying, aggression, physical violence etc...then it needs adult intervention.
If it were me (and have somewhat been in the same boat, with my now 8 year old DSD), when she was 7, she had SUCH huge difficulties (in her mind) with two other girls in a friendship triangle. I found the best thing that worked for us, was for me to listen to her side, and make some suggestions of things she could perhaps try or say to see if it would help. There were a lot of times where it was obvious that she was telling me things from her perspective but with a spin on it to put her in a good light. Other times, I do not think this was the case. But I beleive it is important for your child to feel comfortable approaching you with their concerns.
Good luck!

Speaking as a graduate of many unhappy friendship triangles, I think your key role is to get her to tell you what's happening using the "How to listen so your child will talk" techniques but never ever ever offer advice or get involved.

I wish I could have spoken to my parents about these troubles - but advice wouldn't have helped.

Thank you all for your words of advice. Dd woke up this morning with tummy ache, whether its because of the fault out or not I am not sure. She had breakfast and felt better so went off to Scotland which I am glad of as today is the last day before the holidays start so she can hopefully sort things out and not have to worry.

Before she left for school I had a bit of chat with her and she started to cry because she is worried about her Science sat (she feels she didn't do well enought in her mock Science sat).

I am being to wonder if part of it is hormones too, she has a big spot on her face which is bothering her. One of her friends has started her periods.

I can't stop thinking about her and hope she is ok.

Arrgh I really should have previewed that post it is shocking the typos!!

fall out not fault out

school not Scotland (we are travelling there tomorrow and I must have it on the brain).