aggressive incident

[izyboy]

A bit embarassed about this. Basically called aside today and told that DS (4.11) had got one of his friends by the neck in the school cloakroom and pushed him. The cloakroom is a bit of a scrum so I imagine there is argy bargy. Normally DS is one of the more passive ones and the teachers have told me before that he is gentle with his friends.

I was so shocked that I forgot to ask if there were any adult witnesses to this. Basically I could see how a simple push might occur, but the thought of DS grabbing anyone by the neck really shocks me to the core. When I asked DS what he did he tells me that he pushed him in the forehead as they were roughly getting their coats.

He has been throughly punished, no tea at his friends house, no telly, a letter of apology and selecting a favourite toy to give as a 'sorry' present to his friend.

I am just so shocked at the idea of him grabbing another child by the neck that I was thinking about asking the teacher if there were any adult witnesses to absolutely verify that this is the case.

Do you think I should just let this lie now as it will make little difference to his punishment?

And also, I don't think it's entirely desirable to crave a 'passive' boy.

Men are different than women, boys are different than girls. They have testosterone, and it affects their behaviour in just the same extremes as we are affected by our feminine hormones.

This is very, very normal behaviour for boys, and up to a certain extent, you should just let 'em get on with it.

Yes It's a bit of a minefield. The normal pushing and shoving I tend to treat as you suggest but it seemed pretty ott behaviour from himm The teacher said she was a bit shocked (but that's probably because he doesnt normally do this sort of thing). Ah well, he just took his sorry card in and DH had a chat to mum who didnt know anything about it anyway. Wont mention it again now.

So what are you going to do the next time he does something that distresses your delicate sensibilities? Because if you give way OTT punishments like this over a typical boys-together scuffle, then I shudder to think how you will react if he answers back or doesn;t do his homework. Public flogging? Bread and water for a year?

Izy - I don't think I would completely back track on the toy. I would say that as ds seems genuinely sorry for what he had done, he doesn't have to give the toy away. However, I would tell him that I keep the toy for a week to make sure that it doesn't happen again and then if he has been good, he can have it back.

Come on Solidgold that's a bit of an 'ott reaction'.

I have found this thread to be really useful because comments have not been clothed in sarcasm.

If you knew me you would be very much aware that my sensibilities are not 'delicate' in the slightest.

Let's be honest if your kid came home and told you that he/she had been grabbed by the throat you would want to be assured that it was taken seriously by the parents.

Anyway it's been dealt with and thanks to previous suggestions DS just took in his note and had a hug from his mate in return.