DS in trouble; nosing in teachers cupboard

[choccyp1g]

DS Teacher took me aside this morning and told me that he is in big trouble, with his friend, for looking in her private cupboard. It happened while changing after dance class. She was quite upset about it (so was I ) but said, it's been dealt with, but I told them I'd mention it to their parents. So what do I do now? My plan is to make him write a letter of apology, but I'm unsure whether to also ban him from club(s) for a while.

He's in Y3, BTW.

The thing with school is that there is very little privacy and childrens coats and bags are hung on pegs for all to see,their trays can be opened by anyone and they even go to the loo as a group (usually) so at 7/8 as Im presuming your ds is he was just being curious - mischievous -yes but not 'big trouble' naughty its not like hes ransacked her handbag is it?

Hes said he is sorry hes been told off - job done - dont bother wityh a letter imo.

He is 7 and he is a boy and he has been told not to look in the cupboard.

What does the teacher expect? He is going to look! Its too tempting.

What is in there anyway? If it is that private it should have a lock on. No letter of apology required in my view. Move on. End of.

Thanks NicksChick and BetaDad, you've made mme feel much better. Teacher was mentioning "private space" and "confidentiality issues", so I felt pretty bad about it. But at that age (nearly 8 actually) the boys wouldn't see it like that.
Maybe she realised that she'd made a mistake in leaving stuff unlocked. DS is a very good reader, and might actually read things, but was probably just looking to find where she hides the bribery sweets.

When I was 14 or so we used to be allowed to eat our lunch in the English room, and discovered that in the (unlocked) cupboard the teacher used to keep her little stash of make-up! We all found this terribly exciting, I'm surprised she never noticed us wearing her peach frosty lipstick after lunch each lesson!

I wouldn't take it too seriously TBH, I can think of much worse behaviour. Maybe just explain to him that he probably wouldn't like it if someone else went through his things ....

Exactly my thoughts too - he's a little boy who nosed in a cupboard? - hold the front page!!! Surely that warrants a quick "oi get out of there nosypants", not "big trouble"? FGS I know plenty of adults (moi included) who love nothing more than a good cupboard-nose.

I'd tell him you know about it, don't do it again the teacher doesn't like it, and move on.

She has said it has been dealt with, so TBH I would just move on from it as soon as possible.

Fair enough to make sure he knows you are aware and that he ought not to do it, but it isn't really a biggie as such. Ask him if he feels he should either write an apology or say sorry to the teacher (if he hasn't already said sorry that is.)

I definitely wouldn't ban him from the clubs.

I can't wait till he gets home and tells me what's in there that is so secret.

I'm sure I would have done similar at that age. Supply cupboards were very enticing! I was always being told off for 'rutting' (I know, but that's what we called it ) at relatives houses.

Tell him to apologise and that's that.

This would be something DS (Yr4) would do....

Just to make you feel better, I had a note in his planner from the teacher last Thursday.

Went something like this..

MrsBellavita, do you think you could have a word with DS2 as I think it is inappropriate for him to describe the teachers hair as poo!

On speaking to him be became very upset. Turns out, they were discussing hair colour in class and that was the only way "poo colour" he could describe what colour she had.

DH not happy (he has had ulcerative colitis for many years - although cured now) but "poo" is not a banned subject in this house or a banned word so when it comes to parent evening next week, he will be having words.

Aw bless! Some people's hair is poo-colour - no two ways about it

Hulabaly. It sounded like he was suitably apologetic at the time. She also said He owned up straightaway. (methinks unlike the other boy ?). I still think a written apology might help get him back in her good books though.

Update for anyone still following this saga. I had a little chat with DS this evening. I said Miss SoandSo says she had to tell you off, and would you like to tell me about it. He sang like a canary, claiming that the "friend" persuaded DS to "look" in the cupboard. Then a few days later "friend" informs teacher that DS has been looking. I believe that he did just peep, he says all he saw were the sweets, (used as occasional rewards, but that's another thread entirely) which they knew were kept there anyway. I think the teacher realised that the tale teller was equally involved in the crime. By chance I saw this friends mum at home-time, and asked if she'd heard about it, "oh yes",she replies, "he told me your DS was in trouble". Naturally, the little toe-rag did not mention that HE started the whole thing. Assuming I believe DS, which I do to the extent that they were eqauly to blame. Anyway, DS wrote a little "sorry" letter, and I have schooled him to say "find another mug" next time he's dared to do mischief.
Now I should forget it, but I do still feel ashamed. I really feel as though the teacher told ME off, and I am a failure as a parent, and my DS doesn't know right from wrong etc.

You're overreacting, choccy! No need for shame and feeling a failure here- he is a great kid, I'm sure, and all kids misbehave occasionally. In the nicest possible way- get a grip, babe, this is NOT the end of the world. You are doing your son no favours if you communicate to him that it's never ok to make a mistake, apologise for it and move on.

He only looked in her cupboard, not up her skirt! Though TBH, 7yr old boys are known for that too. She sounds a bit OTT by being upset TBH. Maybe she has a big box of tampax in there!

Honestly choccy, I wouldn't spare it another thought. Read the thread on Chat and see how many fully-grown adults are confessing that they would look in someone else's bathroom cabinet!

Put it into context - has he hurt anyone, been physically aggressive, deceitful, spiteful? No? Then forget about it.

Seems like a fairly minor transgression to me. They disobeyed the rules, so yes should be in trouble - but BIG trouble? What is she going to do to those who hit/steal/bully? Personally, I wouldn't ban him from clubs and certainly not for "a while". If you want to make a point, perhaps something like no TV for one night or extra chores? I think the fact you've been called in has probably made the point tho. (Think I'd have looked too, by the way, even now at that age !!!)

Thanks for all the comments and advice. We've just left it at the letter, and I'm trying to forget about the whole episode. However, I do fear that the teacher will hold it against him, but we'll only worry about that if it happens. Myredcardigan has a good point, my feeling was she probably overreacted beause there realy was something in there she really did not want them to see, in which case, she probably will keep it locked in future. I think also the so-called friend said that DS had been "rummaging" (she said they'd "gone through" her cupboard) whereas DS insisted he just peeked, which I believe.

I must admit to getting a bit of a thrill at starting a thread for the first time.

Hope you've found your first thread helpful. It's really hard when you go through something like that for the first time, MN is great for helping put things like that in perspective and sharing experiences. In the grand scheme of things, what he did wasn't so bad... try to forget about it - and now you've been cross with him over this episode, don't forget to praise him to the hilt for good things that he does.

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