Is this an age-appropriate explanation about the death of a classmate's mother?

[lingle]

DS1 is 6, in year 1, and sits on a table of 4 children, the mother of one of whom (a little girl, N) has just died of stomach cancer over the weekend.

The little girl is likely to return to school tomorrow.

I was thinking of saying something like "N's mummy has died. It is very sad because she was not old. Everything will feel very different at home for N. So at school she will probably want things to be the same as usual. So she may not want to talk about it. If she does want to talk about it that's ok too. It's not something that you can make better, but remember that it's even more important to be kind and friendly."

It doesn't need to be perfect, just age-appropriate and to give DS1 the sense that he has to follow the girl's lead.

I think you are spot on. How sad.

thanks.

ds2's best friend's mother was killed in an accident a few months ago - we said something very similar to him about how he might want to behave around his friend - one thing that struck me was that ds2 and his friend are often very silly together (usually only in playtime) and he was worried that his friend wouldn't want him to be 'normal' and it was good to be able to reassure him that he didn't need to be treading on egg-shells

I also found Michael Rosen's Sad Book very helpful in initiating discussion around feelings

poor little girl

oh god how awful - what you have written sounds spot on - very sensitive to both DS1 and the little girl. Bless her little heart. Maybe mention that if hes worried about it he can talk to you or daddy or teacher (delete as you feel appropriate) - its important to remember DS1s confusion may need support as well as the little girls grief and giving him the go ahead to talk about it at home may help him release - especially if N doesn't want to talk about it....

HTH

My dd's friend's mother died in year 3, and I said something very similar. Dd was very clingy and her behaviour got much younger for a while - be prepared for your ds to be the same.

i think you could lob in something about it being v v unusual for a mum to die when he children are still little... he may well be worried that you may die too.

thanks.

I think you are spot on Lingle.
A crass comparison i know, but my parents got divorced when i was 9 and the great thing about school was that it went on as normal while everything at home went belly-up.

however i would burst into tears in class sometime. the teacher would sit outside with me, and no one ever mentioned it among the pupils - which was fine.

your approach is just right in my opinion.