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My 10 year old isn't very good at making friends (sorry a bit long)

8 replies

bargainmad · 23/02/2009 12:55

My son is in year 6 at school and seems very reluctant to invite friends round. He would rather depend on one boy, who is in his class and lives about 10 minutes walk away but this boy has other friends who he is always out with. My son invites him round but this boy never invites him back, even though he says he hangs around with him in school.

I've said to him he can't just rely on one friend and has to make an effort with other people.

In previous years he has invited other boys round for tea but for whatever reason they never invited him back and I think this is perhaps because the parents are rude. I would never not invite someone back.

He is going to secondary school in September and the boy who he relies on to be his friend is one of the few that is going to the same school.

My husband says I am worrying about nothing and he is bound to make loads of new friends in secondary school but I am not so sure.

He has no-one on our avenue to play with, as there are no children.

He is on MSN a lot at the moment with boys and girls in his class and he did actually go to the pictures last week with a few of them but they hardly spoke - seems they can only be chatty on MSN!!

Anyone any ideas on what to do or should I just let him learn the frindship thing by himself.

My older son never kept in contact with any of his primary school friends anyway (even though he had the same four all the way through).

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MadBadandDangerousToKnow · 23/02/2009 13:00

If he's chatting away on MSN and going to thr cinema then it sounds as if he does have friends and a social life. Has he ever tried anything outside school - music lessons, sports, Scouts etc? They might be a good way to meet other children of his age (especially if some of them might be going to the same secondaray school in September).

If he's happy, though, I wouldn't push it.

MadBadandDangerousToKnow · 23/02/2009 13:00

the
secondary

bargainmad · 23/02/2009 14:09

He does seem happy enough and you are right not to push it. I don't want to give him any hang ups!

He went to the cinema for the first time last week and I had to literally force him to go as two boys dropped out and he thought it was all girls going.

He used to do basketball but gave that up. There is a youth club round the corner (but that is Church orientated) and he wasn't keen when he went a couple of years ago (bible stories at the end etc).

There is a boxing club near us that he is going to give a try tonight.

Maybe I am wrong but I am under the impression that every other 10 year old boy is out enjoying themselves with lots of friends and doing lots of activites.

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Jadzia · 26/02/2009 19:40

I wouldn't worry so much about it. Some kids have lots of friends and other are just happy with themselves. If he says he's happy and you believe him it should be alright. Just one remark aside: he absolutely should do some sports. It is such a vital part for a healthy growing-up pysically and mentally. And of course one gets to know people the same age and with at least one common interest.

swanriver · 27/02/2009 11:59

Scouts is a great way to break the ice if your child is a bit shy, as it is about teamwork not splintergroups. My shy 8 yr old gets a lot out of it. And anything he's good at, drama, singing, music makes him more confident within those fields with people similarily inclined...
Was shy at primary myself, and found a whole lease of life at secondary - re-invented myself. Don't think you can stop someone being essentially shy tho'.

thirtysomething · 27/02/2009 12:11

bargainmad if it's any consolation my 10-year old doesn't seem to have many friends as such during holidays etc and rarely gets invitations out but he has always had lots of friends at school, on MSN etc. I think by age 10 a lot of parents let their kids go to the park etc on their own with friends and so big groups emerge of children "hanging out" together. i've never let DS do this or have his own phone and I suspect he is left out of the big groups now as his circle of friends has definitely got smaller this year. Yet he's mostly happy and actually seems to prefer to spend more time chilling at home now. I'm trying not to worry as hopefully he'll find himself in a new group at secondary school.

Fimbo · 27/02/2009 17:03

I am going through something similar with my dd.

She does do Brownies and dancing, but doesn't really speak to many people.

She has 2 friends at school and it's the usual triangle thing, unfortunately she is the one that seems to be the hanger on. Just tonight she has found out the other two are having a sleep-over tomorrow and she is not invited. She only found out because one of the friend's little sister's gave the game away accidently. I have told her that she needs to act the bigger person and let it wash over her head.

Have just been on the phone talking to my ds and we are thinking of going down the private route (again!) for High School, but whether that is the answer or not I don't know.

It's tough being a parent, when all you want to do is fight your way through life for them.

Fimbo · 27/02/2009 17:04

My dh of course not my ds!

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