Please come and help me - feeling very upset after DS2's 'struggling' Year 2 report....

[Cornflakemum]

I guess I'm just looking for advice, experience, words of reassurance and wisdom....

DS2 is 6 and in Year 2. He's an August-born boy, and is still quite immature in many ways.

We've just had his mid- year report, and I found myself in tears after reading it .

There's a paragraph for each subject and there are several obvious recurrent themes/ comments thoughout:

• P is reluctant to participate in class discussions
• P, when encouraged will contribute his ideas and thoughts
• P, with support is able to do x,y,z...
• P makes a good effort... but struggles to complete...
• works slowly....struggles to get his ideas on paper

On the positive side, it also says he is friendly, positive, popular with his peers. Also that he is a 'bright boy' (...but struggles to demonstrate it)/ has 'good general knowledge'

I feel really hopeless - as if I've let him down. I can't even begin to think what we can do to help him with some of these issues.

It's now half term, but we plan to go and see his teacher after the break (crap system to send the reports on the last day of half term anyway...)

DH says not to worry, and he'll be fine in the longer term (he's still so young), but I worry that he'll get stuck in this 'strugglers mentality' (he often says he thinks he isn't very good at things) and it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The situation isn't helped by the fact that he has a very able Year 4 brother (DS1) who never seems to struggle with anything.

Please tell me if you've been in this position. What did you do? What happened?

bumping for you.
haven't been in the situation myself as children too small, but I think that any child should be able to excel with the right parental support and help from teachers.

I hope that the meeting with his teacher goes well

Thanks This is...

At the moment I'm partly fuming with the school too, because it seems wrong to send out a report like this without any reference to how they can help him.

I know his written work is very slow, but he's already so knackered after school I really don't want to start making him do extra practice.

My son is also 6 and seems to be struggling a little in class (I help in class sometimes so can see him being very vague as well as having had the teacher tell me in no uncertain terms that he doesn't seem to be able to listen!). It is upsetting but I tell myself that he is only 6 and it is early days. Not every child is able to cope so young with the demands of school work and I'm sure some boys find the concentration and focussing skills particularly hard. My DS also happens to be a bit quirky and I worry about his social skills. At least your son is doing really well socially and I think that is the most important thing at this age. They should be enjoying their lives and having fun! It will be good to talk with his teacher - I think sometimes they underestimate the huge impact a few less than positive words have on us parents!

Do not worry - take it from me i speak from experience,some of the children in his class will be several months older than him - he is 6 fgs in a year or less you wont be able to shut him up and he will be a different child completely.

It will just click and all the ideas he has in his head he will be able to sort through and put them down on paper ...please dont worry!!!

I worried myself daft about ds1 hes currently sitting 12 gcses and plans to study law history and english at a level in sept ......hes an august baby and we had those comments too!!!

nickschick - thank you - this is the sort of stuff I need to hear!

I'm just worried DS2's confidence will go though, because he senses that he's not keeping up with many of his peers.

How did you handle that with your son? When did you find things began to 'click' for him?

Can they really suddenly 'catch up'?

Surely if they struggle to get the basics of e.g. maths then it affects them throughout their primary years? Or do you have to play catch up and reinforce it in e.g. years 3/4/5 etc?

I have a 6 yo and I expect that she struggles with some things, needs support to do some things etc etc. They are SIX. It sounds like you have got an honest report from your teacher, who puts the good points in as well. It honestly sounds like nothing to worry about at all. If your child was doing everything easily then I would question the "work" he is being given. Going to school is a big change and we expect so much from small kids these days with regard to reading, writing, maths etc. As long as he enjoys school (or at least doesn't mind going), and has good social skills (so important) then you should be happy. By all means, speak to the teacher to see if there is anything you can do at home but all children are good at some things, average at most things and rubbish at others.

Cornflakemum...I know how frustrating it is to get a report like that, my DD too got the same thing last year, and you kind of feel like it just totally came out of left field. I think it is important to put the report into perspective. Perhaps go through point by point of what is in the report and see what you think you can help him with at home. Thats what we did with DD's report. I sat down with her and we talked about what was in the report, and why she thought her teacher said each of the things that were in it. Her thoughts on it were interesting to hear, and based on what she said, and what I know about her and her experience with school (which has not always been a positive one), we did some extra at home activities. As I have to take my kids into school when I go in in the morning as I teach at their school, I had her doing activities on the smartboard that helped her, I am assuming you're not in the position to do this, but just generally saying to try some at home activities. I posted a lot of links in another thread for KS1, it has a lot of numeracy and literacy links which have games and activities to complete that might help your DS. Do you see your DS in anything that the teacher has said? May I suggest making a list of your specific concerns to do with the report so it can guide a meeting with his teacher? It might help to guide your conversation with the teacher.
Speaking from personal experience teaching infant school children, I find they all seem to 'take off' during the second term, dependant on what their age and maturity is, so perhaps your DS has not done this yet? I think it is hard for the summer borns, especially at this age because the age gap tends to be so evident with this group.
I would say, try not to worry about it, because in the next week, there is not much you can do until you get some more clarification from the teacher. Try to enjoy your halfterm with your children and discuss your concerns with the teacher in 10 days time!

Cornflake - I think I saw a big change in ds1 at around the end of year 3....it was as though he suddenly realised his ideas were valid and his thoughts were worth voicing - its very hrd to be 6 nowadays with all the pressures and expectations.

We just used to do lots of reading and taling bout stuff with him at home but he was 'young' and yes he did just catch up it just came about all of a sudden - i think once they grasp maths concepts thats it it all falls into place.

If Im absolutely honest as a mum to 2 teens I wish id have realised that time goes too quick and have paid less attention to what reading schemes they should be on and more attention to watching films with them building duvet tents and generally enjoying them - also remember he will get a different teacher in Sept and he may 'flower' under a different guidance.

My ds has struggled at school since he started: he is now in Year 4. Doesn't mean that the school has given up on him, but it does mean he has needed extra support- and has received it. It may be that he will pick up one day and do better; then again, it may be that he is simply not that bright. Either way, he is a happy and popular little boy, so I am sure he will do well in life and find his own niche.

His older sister is gifted & talented. But then he doesn't have to be her any more than she has to be him.

cornflake, just saw the other posts after I posted mine... "he's already so knackered after school I really don't want to start making him do extra practice". Can you do activities to make it fun, and not make him feel like he is doing extra practice?

melissa - yes - that's where I think I need to put the effort in. I think it's too easy to think about workbooks instead of games & fun activities...

We had similar issues at ds1's recent parent's evening. He is in Y2, just turned seven. He has always had good reports, not at the top of the class but near the top and really good concentration levels, but at the moment he is lagging behind and not really focussing. I looked at his books and saw how little he had done - eg. just one simple sum in a maths lesson, really random answers in a comprehension piece. His teacher said he was capable but needed more practice. She had moved him down for Maths and Literacy.

I also think he was suffering from lack of sleep. He has always been difficult at bedtime, takes ages to fall asleep and he would lie awake for hours - would go up at 7.30 and would still be awake at 10.30.

Anyway, we have worked on getting him to sleep at a reasonable time and have got him to do more reading and maths at home. He told me he had changed Literacy groups (he has no idea of what the levels are) but we have to see how he gets on now.

FWIW I think your dh is right - mine also said the same thing, they are still very young nothing is set in stone.

Ahh cornflake I feel for you I really do.

DS1 is with yr DS2 about not taking part and all the rest. "With support" and "when encouraged" is good tho, it means someone is supporting and encouraging him

DS1 also struggles to write much down etc etc. I have realised we just need to give him all the help and support we can to do his best.

You haven't let him down.

Ask the teacher what practical things you can do and set him small targets (eg - answer one thing in class each day) and give him lots of praise when he does it.

Oh cory I cried at yr wise words about yr Ds and DD "he doesn't have to be her any more than she has to be him" how true that is.

Thanks.
Yes - Cory's words are wise indeed!

The problem in comparing him with DS1 is OURS entirely.
I think your parenting experiences are shaped so much by your first child, that when no.2 (or 3 etc) comes along and is completely different you sort of go, "hang on, how do we deal with this?".

I now realise how easy it was with DS1 (and how lucky were were) he is so motivated, ineterested and capable that he just taught himself really. We've never had to practice spellings (once he's written them down he knows them ) or go over maths concepts.

I think our family needs to 'slow down' a bit for DS2 - he's just very different. I'm heartened to read that his teacher thinks that he is bright though - it hopefully means than he is capable of doing the other stuff with time and maturity?

It may help to have another good look at ds2 to see what his strenghts are. I've noticed with some (only some!) parents of a single child that they define desirable traits in childhood from a more or less word by word portrait of their own child, and traits that that child doesn't have, they tend not to notice at all.

I think this is where us multiple parents can have an advantage, that we are forced to learn to see and appreciate more different traits and personalities.

With my ds, you could not have an adult conversation at age 4. I've never been able to discuss my academic research with him as I have done with dd for a very long time. But then he showed an unusual ability for empathy at a very early age; I have to remind myself that this is as special and potentially as valuable later in life as her reasoning powers.

Also, he is coming along, just at a slower rate. I am now having the kind of conversations with him that I was having with dd when she was several years younger. He is now enjoying the books that dd would have enjoyed at the age of 6. It doesn't really matter in the long run.

My mother had 3 sons. One went the academic route and is now a professor, one set up his own computer firm, and one started out as an able seaman. They are all successes. Just very very different.

In most countries outside uk, children do not start school until 6 yrs of age which is particular beneficial to boys.
Please try to remain positive and give your son lots of praise. For him to be happy is all that matters, the academic side of him will flourish too, as with the right encourement, each child can reach their potential!

I agree with the above points about age being really important.

DD is one of the youngest in her year and was in a similar situation in year 1 and 2 when she was graded through the assessments they constantly seem to have as in the lower 1/4 of the class.

We did get a tutor for a while who was a year 1 primary school teacher at another school to come for 3/4 hr once a week just to help dd with things she was struggling with.
This gave dd a real confidence boost as she loved the teacher (which was probably the key factor) and I think helped.Children never want to do stuff with you if they perceive it may be 'work' - after all they do that at school- but the teacher was young and made everything fun which was just right for dd.She gave dd lots of praise and stickers!

Dd seemed to progress all of a sudden coming up to her SATs at the end of year 2 and since then has been put in the top 1/4 ability for work - which is quite a jump.

As others have said age is a real factor when they are youngest in the year and then something just clicks enabling them to 'achieve academically' what they are fully able to.

I have an August pre-school ds and know I have this to come again with him.He seems less ready for school than dd was - a baby still really.

he is only a few days older than some of the YR1s.Sso I think a more meaningful comparison would be where your DS2 is NOW to how your first DS was when he was in YR 1.

My DS2 has an August birthday. He has always struggled but he gets there in the end-slow and steady! Don't compare him with his brother. Just always be supportive. My DS has lots of strengths but he is never going to be top academically. Your DS has lots of positives-be very proud of those.