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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

highly academic vs more mixed school for ds aged 7 - advice please

13 replies

MizZan · 13/02/2009 11:41

We have a lovely and bright DS who we are fortunate enough to have offers of 2 private school places for, for Year 3. this is not a state vs private debate so please don't go there!

anyone having gone through this, your advice is welcome!

school 1 is the one that his current school "feeds" into, so nearly all his friends are going there. it is highly academic, not as convenient as school 2 for us (mainly because ds2 could not join him there as he'll be too young), and more expensive. not super supportive on the pastoral side, and I think quite competitive, but has an excellent reputation and feeds into an excellent senior school. his current teacher assures me he would be well able to handle the work there.

school 2 is not as good academically (but still good), but seems much better on the pastoral side, and more rounded as far as the activities and classes on offer. also less competitive, which could be very nice for our non-sporty and "not a natural leader" DS. unfortunately the only kids going there from his class are not friends of his at all and are not exactly the class stars when it comes to brains. however they have offered him a scholarship (not huge, but enough to make a difference, esp. since private is a stretch for us), and his younger brother could join him there in a year and they'd then be at the same place for 5 full years (makes my life much easier as I work).

my gut is leaning towards school 2, but all of DS's friends (and as a result nearly all the families we are friendly with) are going to school 1. DH also feels if we are going to pay for private school, better to send him to the absolute best one we can, academically. DS has been through some major life disruption over the past 18 months (2 international moves) so we are hoping to keep him stable, but I am trying to weigh up friends+better academics+worse pastoral care+more expensive/less convenient, against no friends+weaker academics+much better pastoral care+less expensive/more convenient.

part of it is I feel like DS would be kind of middle of the pack at school 1 and never really feel he could excel, while at school 2, by all indications, he would be something of a star academically. but maybe this doesn't matter - or maybe he would surprise us. it's just that because I work I have no time to do all kinds of enrichment and extra homework and stuff with him, so I do sometimes feel he is at a disadvantage when compared to his current classmates.

and yes, I know we are very lucky to have this choice!

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MrsBadger · 13/02/2009 12:11

I am suspicious of competitive pre-11 schools with less-than-perfect pastoral care - they are soo young and IMO need supporting, not 'toughening up' as one place put it .

if he has a well-supported and -rounded experience at prep he's likely to be happier when it comes to getting down to serious work later in his school career
but if choice of senior school is v importnat consider where school 2 feeds.

If prep is too competitive and he can't keep up with the front runners he may give up altogether meaning it'll be difficult to motivate him for GCSEs etc

I like the sound of 2

verygreenlawn · 13/02/2009 12:32

We think we may have a similar issue next year for ds1. Our choice is whether we leave him where he is - a good all-round prep school - or go for a very very academic school. For us, we've got another year to see how he matures because I think while he can definitely cope academically I don't know how he would cope with the competitiveness at the other school.

I think only you know your child and whether he is likely to thrive at one or the other. My ds1 is not super-confident, and I wonder if it might be better for him to stay where he is, where his "thing" is being very clever, rather than push him into a situation where everyone is clever and he is "average" (he's not good at sport like some of the other boys). However, I also get what you mean about paying and wanting the best for your child.

When you say school 2 is not as academic, do they still have a decent record for scholarships/places at senior schools? I just wonder whether it is fair to say the second school may actually provide better scope for improvement (because school 1 is highly selective and so they have "cleverer" material to start with if you get me?)

Will be watching the debate with interest!

MollieO · 13/02/2009 13:33

I wouldn't worry about the friends issue, he will make new friends at whichever school he goes to. At this age I think good pastoral care is important so I'd choose 2.

ELR · 13/02/2009 14:35

trust your gut instinct go for school 2, nobody likes pushy competitive people young or old imo

coppertop · 13/02/2009 14:41

Another vote for school 2. Pastoral care and convenience are worth far more than an excellent reputation.

pigsinmud · 13/02/2009 14:53

I'd go for school 2. Your life is also important so if it is going to make it easier for you then go for 2.

snorkle · 13/02/2009 15:33

I'm liking the sound of school 2 as well. If brighter kids fair well there then even though it may be less selective and have overall lower results your ds will most likely thrive. We made a similar choice of a less academic school (though at 11 not 7) and I don't think our dcs could be doing better anywhere else.

vickyconfused · 13/02/2009 17:36

Another watcher of this thread so no pearls I'm afraid. A mum I talked to today had just this dilemma and opted for her School 2 equivalent. To raise another question .... is your second child maybe as bright and will be able to follow if you choose school 1 in which case how many years would they overlap for? Another consideration is to whether both schools go to 11 or to 13 as if he gets in to school 1 now you will be by the sounds of it be avoiding some of the 11 plus age stress which unlike at 6-7 you cannot protect them from. Is school 1 an automatic feeder for secondary or will he have to go through a tough all comers selection? Sorry no help and more questions than answers.

verygreenlawn · 13/02/2009 19:01

I think vickyconfused has made a good point about what happens (in terms of the process) to get into the senior school of your choice. A friend of ours recently chose the option 1-type school because it's easier to get into at 7 than at 13 (though whether you keep your place in the face of external competition at 13, I don't know).

mum2twinboys · 13/02/2009 20:18

I would go for school 2, it sounds like by your post, your gut feeling is strong enough to lead you towards that as well. I think it is more important to be supported at Year Three than it is to be highly competitive academically. Especially since you have said that your DS is not on the sporty or leadership side, it sounds like he would be able to excel in the second one more. With the friends, he will make new ones pretty quickly I am sure. I think it is important to go with your gut instinct, you are the only ones who knows your DS best

gobsmackedasever · 13/02/2009 20:59

Are you in Surrey by any chance as there are currently quite a few threads re Surrey schools here and on the other two Education threads and people seems to be giving quite comprehensive advice.

Miggsie · 14/02/2009 17:53

...someone said to me "if your child is bright they will do well anywhere, choose the school that seems right for the character of your child".
Really good advice, as we put DD in a less academic but more "fun" and "busy" school and she loves the environemnt. She is doing very well with the work but the social and activities the school does are fantastic and she is so happy.
I'm really glad we did not go down the academic route, some of the children get so pressured.

A good school culture and a nice head teacher is worth a lot.

thinkingabout3 · 15/02/2009 14:21

We have faced a similar dilemma, to move DS to a highly selective (Private) school or to keep him at his excellent (state) school. Whilst I am sure that he would do well in the very selective school he would hover around the middle of the class and I have questions about the pastoral care there. In his current school he sits easily at the top of the class, with perhaps one or 2 girls slightly ahead of him but we decided at this age that the pastoral care is more important and he is not thick skinned and takes things very personally and is still prone to bursting into tears when things don't go his way, something which would not be tolerated in the more selective school.

So, based on your instinct I would go for school 2 and concentrate on the pastoral care, if it's a good school then the rest will follow naturally.

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