I didnt understand what my ds' teacher meant at parents evening

[greedygreedyguzzler]

My ds is 5.5. he is in year 1 and i went to his parents evening last night. last parents evening she said he was an 'exemplery student, a pleasure to have in the class, always does as he is told, knows all the routines and was doing brilliantly at everything apart from handwriting (which he is crap at!)

anyway, i expected the same this time. but she said she had 'concerns about his ability to process information' i wasnt sure what she meant really but she said she was going to mention it to the headmistress to see if they can find a way to help him.

she said he is always last to finish his written work.but he si very slow with everything. i would say thorough! he spends a while washing his hands after going for a wee, and ages telling a story, and ages wiping his bum etc. i think his problem is he is a 'thinker'. he remembers EVERYTHING. i once told him he should wipe his bum 3 times and then once more 'for luck' and now he religiously does it 4 times because he was told to. i think and hope that he spends so long doing everything because he is thinking about it so much. i asked him to write a sentance for me last night to see how slow he was. and instead of just writing it he said " do i have to follow all the rules for writing a sentance? do i have to do a capital at the start? does it need a comma in the middle or not?" surely other kids would just get on with it and write it?

ANYWAY........she made it seem like it was something to worry about, but i am still not sure exactly what she was trying to get at.anyone any ideas? anyone still reading?

she ended up by saying he was above average for literacy and was doing really well with maths and reading.

no one wants to help me do they? i waffled too much!

I don't know what she meant either. But bumping helpfully. You should ask her again probably.

Is he quite logical? Some children like to know exactly how to do things, how to set out their work, how much to do etc. What examples did the teacher give for her concerns?

i think you need to make another appointment to ask her to explain it in a way you can understand... how concerned is she? ho common is this? how is it to be addresed? what should you be doing at home? does he need assessment by an educational psychologist? etc. unless you properly understand you will feel worried / powerless... good luck.

no one wants to help me do they? i waffled too much!

sorry i didnt meant to post that again!

i will try and see her again tomorrow. we have always thought he was super intelligent and so has everyone esle (family and friends, i mean).

she didnt give any real examples just that he is always last to finish his work. and he is very logical and thoughtful, yes. i wonder if thats the problem, that he just thinks too much about everything

There's nowt wrong with thinking too much! Sometimes teachers struggle to get their heads round children that think outside of the box. She hasn't explained herself to you very well which suggests to me that she really isn't clear in herself about what her concerns are.

You also need to remembere that year 1 they have moved on to the national curriculum rather than the pre-school curriculum of year R, so the criteria have changed. Agree with controlfreak you need to have a meeting with specific problems being outlined and solutions discussed from you and the school so you are both approaching the problems together.
Good luck.

I would agree she hasn't explained herself well at all.

He does have very precise and even pssibly pedantic language from what you say but in itself that is fine. Processing just means it's taking him a while to respond- bit l;ike (as an example) someone were telling you to do something in a language you were familiar with but not fluent in; not a problem again. If that's the ohnly concerns you have, then he very probably is just a thinker and she's just rul;ing things out. I wouldn't worry but I wold go back and ask to put your mind at rest.

Is he really really literal? All small children (especially boys, IME) are to some extent but there are shades....

I agree you need to go back and ask what she means by 'concerns' and what she thinks you/she/DS can or should do about it. I would guess she is trying to rule out any possible issues, but you need to know what she is thinking - it sounds as though she doesn't have the confidence to say he definitely has a problem and that is why she is going to the head?

what could she be trying to rule out though? thats what i am worried about?

Nothing major, that's a start: you'd know if your child had any other issues that were massive so please feel reassured on that.

It could be som many things 9and if you are happy with how he is almost certainly is not... I want you to remember that because I believe that). It could flag up hearing problems such as glue ear, something called SPD (semantic pragmatic disorder) which is about very literal language but I think it would be mroe than just pedantism tbh if it were that, there re distinct processing disorders also but I don't know much about those. the other thiung SPD relates to is Aspergers but that's far mroe than just the things you've talked about: you'd have other concerns if it were that i think.

Really, if you do ahve any worries, take them to the SENCO and tell her, or if not tell her that also!

..what Peachy said. Clearly nothing serious or you would know all about it by now.

DS has a friend who is dyspraxic and has also been diagnosed as having a very mild form of ASD. He is a normal, happy, and extremely intelligent little boy who is doing very well at school. One of the 'triggers' for this diagnosis was an absolute literal understanding of language, instructions, etc (he gets very cross about sayings like 'raining cats & dogs' or 'I've got a frog in my throat' because they just don't make sense) - the only reason for identifying such issues is that he can be 'taught' to pick up on subtle signals and to understand how other people see the world.

Go and see her and put your mind at rest. Many parents of 5.5yos can only dream of them wiping their bums/washing their hands properly every time

My thought was possibly Aspergers albeit very mild. What are his social skills like?

(Don;t search aspergers on here OP- you'll get kids like my ds1 who has it with lots and lots of complications and scare yourself needlessly. If you want to know what it is the only thing worth looking at is this link triad of impairments

Message withdrawn

Has the teacher mentioned to him that she would like him to work faster? I don't mean to sound facetious, but DD is a logical, methodical child who likes to follow teacher's instructions exactly. We were told at parents' evening that her swimming was technically good but very slow. The next week they had trials for a swimming gala and she came first in the year. When asked DD said she had swum faster because the teacher said she wanted them to race, whereas normally the teacher told them she wanted to see good strokes! She also sometimes has trouble picking the important points from a lesson because she regards everything the teacher says as important. Her teacher does not see this as a problem, and has said it is up to him to make sure that the important points stand out!
So speak to the teacher for clarification.

I was a very literal child. For example, if I pushed into a queue at school and the kids complained I'd say "but I didn't push in I walked in" or if my mum said something cost £5 I'd jump up and down saying it was £4.99! I ended up doing law at uni.....

Definitely talk to the teacher.

I agree with the other posters, you need to speak to his teacher and get more clarification from what she means. I have identical twin boys who are as different as chalk and cheese in their personalities, but DS2 is very much like what constantlycooking describes. He too follows instruction to the letter, and cannot cope well with anything not being done exactly the way it was asked, but also can be very slow in his actions and school work. We have been told by his teacher that he often does not finish his work as a result because he is so determined to get every aspect to the exact instructions. Every child is different, and has their strengths and weaknesses. I hope the teacher is able to be more specific in what she meant in order to give you a better understanding of her concern. From a personal perspective, as my son is very similar, I am interested to hear what she clarifies for you. I hope you will post it to let me know.

Ds also wants to know the answers to about 60 questions before writing a homework sentence.

Dp is like this and will ask 3 or 4 questions before doing a simple household task.

With ds is is 80% he is interested and needs to know the answer and 20% he finds the reassurance from getting the answers comforting. With Dp I would say it is 80% comfort.

Building flat pack furniture takes a long time!

thank you all so so much!

i went to see his teacher yesterday. she said she thinks he is a bright child but isnt progressing as fast as other children because he si so slow. he is always last at finishing his work. she also said he is the type of child who will always finish a task and do it EXACTLY as she has told them to, he would NEVER go and sit on the carpet with the other kids that had finished and leave his work half way through. so i do wonder if ALL the children actually stayed and finished their work if he would still be the slowest.

i have to say i am a lot LESS worried now after reading everyones posts. he is such a wonderful boy. not a typical rough and tumble boy at all. he has always been very sensitive and emotional and thoughtful, always looks after the girls and has always had an AMAZING memory. he always follows every instruction to the letter and i just think because he isnt very confident with his writing when he has to so it at school he thinks "ok, i need to write 'dog' so thats a 'd' which starts off like a curly 'c' and then looks like an'o' and then has a tall stick.........etc!" instead of just getting on with it.

she did say she was going to discuss him with the headmistress who is the special needs coordinator to see if she thinks there are any problems.

oh, and i did cry though when i spoke to his teacher!......what a banana hey!!!............wonder where he gets his emotional side from hey!

mum2twinboys - how old are your boys? does your ds struggle with his handwriting? does he take a long time to tell you something. my ds can take forever to tell me a story and give so many extra details, but apparently when he answers questions at school he is very succinct because it is a question with a specific answer.

my ds, bless him, went to the school disco last night and as i took him into the hall with all the music and lights flashing and kids running around like loonys he said " mummy, i have to take my shoes off, we are not allowed in the hall with our outdoor shoes on unless its assembly." he has obviously been told that when he first started and remembered and was trying to follow instructions again.

I don't think your son has problems at all...except the school obviously want to hurry them through things and he is not as fast as they would like.
He is obviously very thorough and has great attention to detail, which are positive things.
You may want to chat to him about sometimes doing things a bit quicker if he can see other people are waiting, but really the school should just lump it as he could be a real asset to any school or work environment as he could be absolutely trusted to do something properly and completely.
How many 5.5 yr olds can you say that about?!

I'd celebrate his differences, and perhaps get the school to tailor things to him so he gets interesting things as he obviously has no trouble with the stuff they give him now.

Greedygreedyguzzler, he sounds EXACTLY like my 5 year old DS1 (who is in Reception). Exactly like him. He does everything you describe your son doing. My son is not into rough and tumble either (well, he is with his 2 year old brother, but is not "rough" with the other boys at school). He is lovely and sensitive, but sometimes to a worrying degree eg. he has been going to football coaching seeions for a few weeks and had been enjoying it up until thhe point they started doing some games where they had to lose lives or points or smoething each time they lost possession of the ball and then at the end they have to tell the group how many points they ended up with. Well, rather than treat it as a bit of fun, he has been so serious about this particular game and been actually crying about losing these damn points/lives and it's putting him off joining in ANY of the little games they do now. He just takes everything so seriously and literally sometimes, and is a worrier, even though he DOES have a great sense of humour. He is a deep thinker, and very quick at thought processes, great at reading and maths, it's just physically moving around and fine motor stuff that he's slow with.

He is slow at EVERYTHING. Getting dressed in the morning, eating his meals (god, so painfully slow at eating it winds me up, doesn't have time to finish his packed lunch at school), even getting in the car I am almost having to boot his arse in with my foot, as he climbs in in slow motion, looking at some bit of a twig on the ground or something or gazing into the distance at something.

His teacher has noticed he is slow at things too and mentioned it to us at parents evening last November. She said he was very quick to put his hand up to answer questions during group talk etc, but actual WORK - drawing a picture or whatever, he just gives too much time over to it when everyone has well finished and gone off to play. It's not like what he comes out with is a masterpiece either, it's just that he takes so long with it. I wonder whether he is just picky and pays too much attention to details or whether there's something more to it. I don't think there is, but it does hinder him a bit.

His teacher also noticed that he's not very physically well-coordinated. eg has trouble with balancing during PE etc. I'd already noticed he is all arms and legs when he runs, but had put that down to him being very tall and gangly (he is on the 99th centile for height).

I am waiting to see what his teacher says at his next parents evening in April.

Sorry, that was a bit waffly, but just thought I'd let you know that there are other boys out there like your son!

I personally think my son is just thorough, and very like I was at school. The attention to detail thing is a skill really if you think about it. I bet your son is just fine. They can't all have the same attributes, can they? Some will be faster than others but miss details, whereas some will be slow and methodical.