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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

The dinner lady told my daughter she was naughty today

47 replies

NAB09 · 06/02/2009 17:18

She is 5 and couldn't cut up her chips. DD cried.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Original poster

NAB09 · 06/02/2009 18:23

Why does everyone think I am taking this out of proportion?

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 06/02/2009 18:25

No, but 5 yos see things differently and misunderstand. The way I've been told things by my DSs and the actual truth are sometimes very different indeed and they weren't lying either.

and perhaps we think you're blowing it out of proportion because you are?

Original poster

NAB09 · 06/02/2009 18:26

okay, fine

OP posts:

scienceteacher · 06/02/2009 18:40

What is your real issue, Nab?

Is it that that the dinner lady found fault with your child and disciplined her for it?

Or is it something about being about your daughter's perceived inability to cut chips?

Flier · 06/02/2009 18:47

scienceteacher I think the issue here is that a child was told she was naughty because she couldn't cut up her chips, or believes she was told this.
NAB - any chance you could go into the school one dinnertime to see exactly what these dinner ladies are doing and perhaps speak to teh teacher again reiterating how upset your dd has been over this?

scienceteacher · 06/02/2009 18:55

I'm not sure that is the real issue...

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 06/02/2009 18:58

Dunno. Sounds like it's exactly the issue to me.

NAB, fwiw, I can see exactly why you're bothered. Kids shouldn't get called naughty just because they're having trouble cutting their chips. Bless her for not picking it up with her fingers.

QuintessentialShadows · 06/02/2009 19:06

Gosh, I really dont see why it is necessary to jump on Nab and second guess her?

Inability to cut up chips is not naughty. DL should not told dd off for not being able to cut up chips. Eating with the fingers is not naughty. Many people do, it depends on where they are from. A dinner lady in 2009 should know better than to tell a child off for being naughty, if the child is eating with the fingers. If she does, she is mighty ignorant.

cory · 06/02/2009 19:09

I think discipline is an excellent thing. But telling someone off for something they are incapable of doing is not discipline but bullying. And I don't see that bullying is any better because it is done by adults.

And it is not that unusual for a child to have slowly developing motor skills to the extent that they find it difficult to use cutlery at age 5 despite the best efforts of their parents.

I have no idea if the OPs dd is telling the truth or if the OP is encouraging her dd to dwell on the incident. All I know is that I never told my parents that I was frightened of eating at school because of the dinner ladies. Looking back it seems so unnecessary: I was never naughty or difficult, just clumsy. I did not learn to be less clumsy from being shouted at: this so-called discipline achieved nothing.

scienceteacher · 06/02/2009 19:34

That's why it is unlikely the DL did actually tell the child off for not being able to cut up chips.

cory · 06/02/2009 19:57

Hmmm... that presupposes that no dinner ladies can possibly act in an inappropriate manner. I have unfortunately heard both teachers and one headteacher say extremely inappropriate things- the sort of thing that I probably would not have believed on my child's word alone- so I don't know why I should think there could not be a dinner lady who did the same, particularly as they receive much less training than teachers do.

I have heard a headteacher say reproachfully of a child with serious chronic health problems: "yes, we understand that X is ill but you can't expect us to be happy about it". I wouldn't have believed this if somebody else had told me about it, but unfortunately I was there.

I have every respect for the teaching profession (not least because I am a member of it ). I just do not believe that there is any profession that so perfect that no member of it can ever say anything wrong. And as I said, dinner ladies receive relatively little training and do not necessarily know much about motor development in young children.

This is not teacher-bashing (or dinner lady bashing)any more than complaining about the manner of a HV or doctor is bashing of the medical profession as such.

I don't even necessarily think the OP should take it further, at least not the first time.

But I don't think there is any profession that is so exalted that all its members have to be above criticism.

cornsilk · 06/02/2009 20:00

Nab09 I don't think you are taking this out of proportion at all.
Scienceteacher - as a teacher do you think it is acceptable to tell a 5 year old child that they are naughty because they are struggling to cut up their chips? I don't.

TrinityRhino · 06/02/2009 20:06

no your daughter is not a liar but then my 9 year old is not a liar and has misunderstood situations before

edam · 06/02/2009 20:11

I can still remember horrid dinner ladies all these years later. Nasty remarks aren't necessarily trivial.

(Particularly unfortunate that the most evil dinner lady shared my name. Everyone thought it was very funny to claim she was my aunt. )

Mind you, I would never have dreamt of getting my Mother in to complain... were we made of sterner stuff back in the olden days, or just more accepting of bullying?

Gunnerbean · 06/02/2009 20:18

I don't think that anyone here is suggesting that the little girl is lying but rather that children of that age cannot be fully relied upon to faithfully recount all the facts of what happened in a situation like this one.

Personally, I think the OP should take this up with the school as she is obviously not happy about it. Doing that might help her to see both sides and get a better understanding of what actually happened.

It's all very well (and very natural too) to want to protect your children like a lioness but you do need to be in possession of all the facts before you start roaring.

scienceteacher · 06/02/2009 20:23

Cornsilk, no - but I think it is not likely that that has happened.

I can't believe anyone even worries about cutting up chips - they are meant to be eaten whole.

nomoreamover · 06/02/2009 20:36

there's always one dinner lady isn't there?.....

poshwellies · 07/02/2009 18:09

We always used to call the horrid ones 'dinner bags' .I can remember quite a few friends being literally force fed school dinners until they were sick.

giantkatestacks · 08/02/2009 14:38

Yeah mine were always terrifying too.

I cant see what going in to the school will achieve tbh - unless they are going to sack the dinner lady (highly unlikely) then your dd is still going to have to deal with her everyday and if shes as bad as you think she is then knowing that your dd/you have complained about her isnt going to improve her mood or behaviour any is it?

It is horrible but some adults and other children can say and do mean things and our children have to have coping strategies to deal with them. We wont always be able to go in with guns blazing (sadly).

shangrila · 08/02/2009 19:57

Seems to me that while education has moved on massively in the eons since I was in school, the situation with dinner staff hasn't. We have the same situation in DDs school.

From experience in our school, seems that many are willing to accept comments from dinner staff which, from others, would send them screaming in horrified complaint to the Head. How can that be right, or in any way acceptable?

Cory has made some great points and NAB, from experience, I really understand where you're coming from. Don't understand many of the comments you've had back, though...

Kimi · 08/02/2009 20:29

Your poor DD.
Another case of someone trying to make their job more important then it is.

lovelymumma · 08/02/2009 21:00

sometimes I go to the school with a problem that the children have had and sometimes i don't.I think I would ask my daughters to tell me if the dinnerladies get cross with them again.If I don't agree with something teachers etc, have told my children,I explain to them that i don't believe the teacher was right on this occasion;and that teachers aren't always right but in life they will come across people with differing opinions,but that doesn't mean we have to agree with them.When my children were younger i used to march into schools with heart racing ready to defend my child,but I would just end up in tears.Have tried to take calmer approach now and go in speak to headmistress calmly,and leave it with them to deal with.

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