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10 yr old doesnt want to go on school trip...causing problems. what shall i do? sorry, bit long!

14 replies

tara4now · 30/01/2009 10:15

my son is in yr 5(10 years old) and there is a school trip organised for the whole yr to go to candlemass service today and monday. it lasts all afternoon, and is very religious. it is a c of e school. although not compulsary, all the kids are going. my sons school is leading the service which mean they have to stand on the stage in front of 1500 other children from different schools. he has been really really upset this morn about going, being on a stage in front of that many kids is his idea of hell to be honest! hes got in a real state about it, and i think its actually gone beyond just not wanting to go. we went into school and asked if he could stay at school instead, and the teachers got a bit 'funny' about it. i know we all have to do things we dont want o in life, but hes 10 and was just so upset about it. i worry that he'll start loosing his confidence if we force him to go. also, for me, i dont see it as such a big deal but some of the teachers are very religious and think that all the children should take part. now hes staying at school in a year 3 class, and im worried that the teachers may be a bit 'off' with him. what would you do? should i force him to go? hes usually a very confident boy in the class.

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nailpolish · 30/01/2009 10:17

id keep him at home

his happiness is more important than the happiness of the teachers and some religious ceremony

thisisyesterday · 30/01/2009 10:19

no, i wouldn't force him at all. it'll only make him resent things like this and make it even worse for him in the future.

you can gradually do things to build up his confidence if he is worried about stuff like that, but don't just throw him in at the deep end.

tara4now · 30/01/2009 10:26

thankyou so much for that. i thought i was being too soft. he does so well at school and i dont want him to start not wanting to go to school because of things like this. hes fine in small groups but gets himself in a state with anything like this. hes suppose to be going on monday too, but not sure what to do. i dont want to be one of thoses parents who the teachers talk about in the class room! hes quite happy stay at school and do work. the teacher did try to compromise but he was adamant that he didnt want to do it. i would've liked him to maybe go today and miss mondays service, but not sure what to do!

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Lizzylou · 30/01/2009 10:28

That would be my idea of hell too and I am a lot older than 10.
He shouldn't have to do it if he doesn't want to.

nailpolish · 30/01/2009 10:51

who cares if they talk about you in the staffroom

just do what you think is best

stroppyknickers · 30/01/2009 10:55

Altho...I do think that if he is at a CofE school you should maybe have expected that religious ceremonies would feature and explained this to him? Apologies if you were stuck with this school and had no alternative.

nailpolish · 30/01/2009 11:05

you can explain things to a child but taht doesnt stop him being afraid of standing up in front of 100's

girlandboy · 30/01/2009 11:08

Keep him at home!

I would.

And don't worry about the teachers talking about you in the staffroom. I bet my ds's teachers always talk about me. And I don't care one jot!

tara4now · 30/01/2009 11:09

stroppyknickers, we moved to the area and this was the only school with spaces. i am very happy with the school. both my children have done really well. its just that for some reason hes got himself really worked up about this. it isnt a compulsary trip, but everyone is going, except one or two for religious reasons. he does great with class talks etc, but i really didnt want to see him going this upset. i was worried that it may cause more harm that good to force him. hes ok now that hes staying at school. on monday the trip starts at 7.45am. to travel there and they are back for end of school. also, i think its the performing infront of 1500 people that bothers him too.

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thisisyesterday · 30/01/2009 11:09

also stroppyknickers, it isn't the religious ceremony part he has a problem with is it? it's the standing up in front of everyone.

would the school be happy if he went but just didn't stand up at the front?
perhaps not actually as then others might want to do the same?

tara4now · 30/01/2009 11:15

we tried to compromise thisisyesterday and said he could just do the practice run, then sit in the congregation for the actual performance, but i think hes got himself so worked up, and in such a panic about it, that he didnt even want to do that. i dont want to baby him, but i dont want to force him into something that isnt really that important. he was happy to go to school and sit in another class. he didnt say that he wanted to stay at home. i hope the teachers havent been funny with him because of it tho.

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tara4now · 30/01/2009 11:15

all his friends are taking part so i thought he would too.

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stroppyknickers · 30/01/2009 16:00

oh, okay, misled by the religious bit at beginning of OP. I'd get him to sit in the congrgation if poss. Know he's not keen, but lot better than being left behind with different year group?

tara4now · 30/01/2009 16:37

well, hes home from school, and there were 4 other kids that didnt go. they stayed in the class doing things for their greek project. hes fine and im not going to make him go to the service on monday either. its just not worth the worry.
ive told him that this is a one off tho!

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