Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Flip

Original poster

Would this bother you?

22 replies

Icanonlytry · 29/01/2009 12:58

HI.
I am working on a voluntary basis at my daughters school (in a different year group) whilst studying to be a primary school teacher. Recently I have noticed that some of the parents of the children I work with seem to be avoiding talking to me. The class teacher has been off sick for the last few days and as the supply teacher does not know who the children's parents are I have been dismissing the children to their parents at the end of the day. Yesterday I asked one of the mums if I could talk to her when all the children had been dismissed and she just walked off. (I was going to tell her that her DD had worked really hard and had managed to complete a piece of work that she had really struggled with on monday.) I am well aware that I need to keep my personal and professional lives separate and would never dream of sharing any information about the children in school to others. I would really value your opinions on this, has anyone been on the other side of this? would you be bothered if another parent was working with your children in school? I personally think that having more support in a classroom can only be a good thing and the fact I'm training to be a teacher would make this even more of an advantage for the children.
Thanks.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

bigTillyMint · 29/01/2009 13:01

I think that more help in the classroom is great, but some parents feel very insecure about themselves / their children's abilities and so I can see how it might be difficult.

Has the Head Teacher written to parents explaining what you are doing?

jeee · 29/01/2009 13:06

I am sure that you are professional, but unfortunately many parent helpers and TAs are only too willing to gossip about the kids. I am still ignored (and given very dirty looks) by one TA/fellow parent because she kept trying to talk about one child to me, and giving confidential information about his problems, until I told her that I thought that it was unacceptable to talk in that way about a child. I guess if you keep it professional (as I'm sure you do, because you're obviously aware of these issues), the parents will eventually come to accept you.

Overmydeadbody · 29/01/2009 13:08

Are you sure the other parent heard you?

I remember from my days of doing my PGCE that sometimes I was just too timid and shy and when I tried to approach parents they didn't realise I was addressing them (I'm not like that now obviously! but that was a while ago)

TotalChaos · 29/01/2009 13:08

No. A mum to a kid in the year above is either employed as a TA or helping out on voluntary basis in DS's class. Doesn't bother. It would bother me if it was one of the mums of a child in DS's class though, as it would feel a bit too"close" iyswim.

basementbear · 29/01/2009 13:12

I think it is a difficult situation - I volunteer at school and while some parents are of the "well done, I wish I had the time" variety, others seem to think I am doing it to earn brownie points or to somehow get one up on them! Like Jeee said, I am sure you will gain their trust in time. Perhaps the Mum thought you were going to say her DD had done something bad, rather than good!

Original poster

Icanonlytry · 29/01/2009 13:22

Thanks, I didnt think i would get so many repies, (im new to this.)
I have been working at the school for just over a year now with this class and another class. I dont think the head told the parents about what i would be doing but i have had to sign confidentiality forms ect which the parents are able to access, basically if I am found to be repeating any information/ gossiping i will loose my placement immediately.
I am almost certain this parent heard me, although I suppose it is possible she didnt.

Jeee thats awful sometimes i wonder why people want to do a job like this, what would she gain by gossiping about a childs problems?

OP posts:

Katiestar · 29/01/2009 13:26

I help in school and the other day I was looking after a little girl who was vomiting (strangely all the staff disappeared)When the mum came to collect her she gave me a really dirty look as though I shouldn't have been there.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 29/01/2009 13:46

Katiestar - you shouldnt have had to do that!!

Icanonlytry - I'm a voluntary helper (but not in training) and have been not to pass on feedback to a childs parents. If they ask how a child is doing I am only allowed to refer them to their teacher. Not sure if this applies to you or not?

It is an awkward place to be in, neither staff or parent and viewed suspiciously by both!

bigTillyMint · 29/01/2009 14:04

It's a shame that the Head didn't let parents know what you are doing formally - a parent in my DC's school is doing the same as you in her DS's class, and there has been no trouble as far as I know.

Maybe you could talk to the Classteacher / Head about it?

theresonlyme · 29/01/2009 14:06

Katiestar - maybe the mum was embarrassed you had had to clean up her child?

lljkk · 29/01/2009 14:07

Lots of parent helpers at our school, we don't sign confidtly agreements, that just sounds so officious and unnecessary to me. I'm probably out of the loop but I have never heard any of the parent-helpers say anything negative about any child they worked with. Once I told another parent whose child I had helped in class how bright I thought he was, very impressive in his lateral thinking. I think that's a no-no according to MNers, but the other mum was happy, I can't see the harm done. She knew it's just my amateur snapshot impression, anyway.

I get loads occasional feedback about DD DC in school, spontaneous lovely comments. These tell me so much more about how DC are doing than the mere teacher-written report.

Nemoandthefishes · 29/01/2009 14:09

I wouldnt be bothered but then one of the mums in DS reception class does work in the school. She sometimes works in DS classroom and to be honest I think it actually helps him to know his teacher and TAs are humans who have families etc. I have also voluntered in the nursery the last 2 yrs and have had some funny looks frmo parents[who usually think you have some ulterior motive]

Hassled · 29/01/2009 14:12

I think an explanatory paragraph in the school newsletter or something would help the situation. I'm a parent helper, and in school a lot as a governor as well, and do sense that some of the other parents aren't entirely comfortable with it. Boundaries can become a bit blurred sometimes, but that's very different to wild indiscretion and gossip, which very seldom happens.

Original poster

Icanonlytry · 01/02/2009 13:52

Hi, sorry i havent replied sooner, my internet wasnt working. Thanks for all your opinions, i have kind of just been left too it at school, no real support from the head so doubt she would consider mentioning me in the newsletter.
Will just try and be a bit more thick skinned, I think some of the problems started when the class teacher was off ill for a few weeks last term. The parents were asking me what was wrong with her but due to it being quite a personal issue I just suggested they speak to the head if they have any concerns. I dont think this was appreciated. Oh well i think im doing a good job and im well on my way to becoming a teacher. would just be a bonus to be liked i suppose. .

OP posts:

melissa75 · 01/02/2009 14:58

Icanonlytry...if your not able to get anywhere with the Head, as far as a mention in a newsletter, could you talk to the teacher whose class your in? Perhaps she could send a note home to the parents in your class describing why your there and what your doing, how long you will be there etc... Perhaps some of the parents do not know that your training or as someone else mentioned, perhaps they feel intimidated by you? In my class, we do a monthly newsletter on top of the schools weekly one, but the class one just gives some more individual class info which talks about what we have been doing, whats up and coming etc... Just a suggestion, but it might start to make some connections with the parents again and let them know what your doing in the classroom.
lljkk....confidentiality agreements are a huge deal, if it came back to you that you had mentioned something about a child in the class you had worked with, you could get in a LOT of trouble. Put yourself in those parents shoes, if you had a confidential family matter happening or even something more minor, would you want other parents to know about it and go telling other parents? I certainly would not. I am actually surprised as a parent volunteer that the school does not have you sign something. To me it is the same as a doctor patient relationship...you would not have the doctor going and telling others about his patient, so you would not expect a teacher or a volunteer to do that either about a child they have worked with.

ladycornyofsilke · 01/02/2009 15:03

op - I don't think that you should be giving feedback to the parents as a voluntary helper unless the school is actually your teacher training placement. Is that the case?

Original poster

Icanonlytry · 02/02/2009 12:53

No it isnt my official teacher training placement. I was told i can give positive feedback to parents but for anything negative or anything that involves other children i need to tell the parents to speak to the class teacher (who is off ill again today ).

OP posts:

ladycornyofsilke · 02/02/2009 14:18

That's quite a difficult situation to be in then. Even positive feedback can be misconstrued in some circumstances. I wouldn't worry about the woman walking off - it's her problem not yours.

ThePellyandMe · 02/02/2009 14:28

I don't think you should be giving feedback to the parents TBH. That should be the teachers job surely?

Saying that though I have no problems with the mums that help out in my dc's classes. I'm pleased that they do it. I don't have the time or the inclination TBH but I know it benefits all the children to have an extra pair of hands.

DS1 in Y1 read with a parent helper last week which I thought was great. Personally I wouldn't be happy though if one of those mums came up to me and told me how they were doing in class, good or bad.

ladycornyofsilke · 02/02/2009 14:38

Pelly I agree - it wouldn't like it either.

Littlefish · 05/02/2009 21:33

I'm a teacher and I wouldn't be comfortable with a volunteer in my classroom giving feedback to parents. I spend time with volunteers discussing the activities they have supported so that I know what progress has been made and where appropriate, would pass this onto parents.

I think that student teachers are different - they are there in an official capacity.

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 06/02/2009 10:07

Once a few years ago when one of my DC was in reception a parent volunteer came up to me as we were waiting to pick up our childrena and said in a really loud voice. 'Oh your DC is so amazing at reading, miles ahead of all the other children, it is really astonishing.'
I clocked the expression on the other parents' faces, and I truly wanted the ground to open up and swallow me.
But it doesn't sound like you are in that category, so I don't see a problem there. I am a parent volunteer myself, there are lots at our school and I've never heard of anyone objecting.

Flip