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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Untitled

34 replies

theresonlyme · 23/01/2009 19:00

The receptionist rang at 3.45 to ask me to go in and see a member of staff on Monday. Couldn't say why, DH rang to ask and made the point that it wasn't very fair to ring late on a Friday and leave us worrying all weekend.

I wasn't best pleased with the teacher this morning and she was short with me this afternoon but would they really call me in for something like that?

My child has said they were fine at school today but what if there is a problem? If it was something positive wouldn't the teacher have said to tell us it wasn't anything to worry about? The receptionist said they just get asked to make the appointment.

DH is coming with me as support and if it is about this morning we have bigger problems to hit her with.

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FiveGoMadInDorset · 23/01/2009 19:01

What happened this morning?

LIZS · 23/01/2009 19:01

I doubt it is personal. If you have concerns , maybe she shares them ?

Original poster

theresonlyme · 23/01/2009 19:18

My concerns are with her. The way she is with the kids. She has none of her own and doesn't seem to have a clue how young they are. (5 and 6)

This morning they were sent somewhere else instead of their classroom so I wanted to see where they were and that my DC was okay. I told the teacher why I was checking where the children were as they hadn't known to go somewhere different. The teacher said no one knew and I'm afraid I rolled my eyes and left. It doesn't sound a big deal but my child is the youngest in the class and I felt she would have been worried.

This afternoon someone asked me to watch out for her child coming while she went for someone else. I saw the child crying so went to tell her her Mum was here but she was getting child A. The teacher waved me away.

I accept totally I worry more about my DCs than I need too perhaps but I find motherhood a huge struggle and I am just trying my best.

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FiveGoMadInDorset · 23/01/2009 19:20

Doesn't seem anything to much. What seems weird is waiting until Monday.

Original poster

theresonlyme · 24/01/2009 08:45

I just feel so stressed wondering twhat it is. I couldn't sleep last night.

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ZZZen · 24/01/2009 08:50

I don't think it can be anything very serious. Can't imagine it is about you rolling your eyes at the teacher and showing your dislike or you speaking to the child who was crying.

Is there a parallel class with a teacher you like more?

Ohforfoxsake · 24/01/2009 08:52

Please, please don't question yourself - you did what any good mother would do, and followed your instincts. If you were concerned your child might not know where to go, you were making sure they were OK. It would give her far more to do if your child was lost or distressed.

Explain this to her calmly and that it was not fair. She might be a teacher at the school, but you are the authority on your children.

Please try not to worry, and good luck on Monday.

Original poster

theresonlyme · 24/01/2009 09:01

Thanks for that.

This teacher really doesn't like parents going into the classroom. When we do, she doesn't smile or say hello, she isn't warm at all to us or the children. I think it is her first job, (new to our school anyway) and I think she has gone about it all wrong trying to assert her authority and help the children become independant. I am so she let my child leave the other day without me being stood there and I found her crying. She thought I had gone.

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cory · 24/01/2009 09:13

I am afraid parents not coming into the class in the morning is the norm in most schools by the time they get to Year 1. A crush of parents makes it harder for the children to settle. So parents are asked to say goodbye to their children in the playground. Perfectly normal.

If this is all the teacher did, then I am afraid I cannot see that she was at fault at all. And having to wait over the weekend to get such a very minor matter settled seems perfectly reasonable to me.

If I have misunderstood and she actually let your girl leave the school grounds unattended, then of course you need to take it up with the school.

Squirdle · 24/01/2009 09:46

Yr 1 children are encouraged to be a little more independant. In fact in our school, from January the reception children are not supposed to be taken into their classrooms and have to line up. I think it is far better this way, far less tears and the children all know what is expected. I still see yr 2 parents trying to walk into the cloakrooms with their children and these children tend to be the weepy ones (because their mums are around probably) Teachers need to get on with the start of the day imo, otherwise they get inundated with parents asking questions/unsettled children etc.

Maybe you are feeling the change from reception, where the teachers are all very sweet to the children all of the time. Having said that, DS2's teacher (yr1) is absolutely lovely. Very kind to the children, but also firm. They love her as they know exactly what she expects and as a result we have many comments about how lovely the class is (it's a Yr1/2 class)

Squirdle · 24/01/2009 09:49

Also my SIL is a teacher and she says you HAVE to assert your authority to begin with as otherwise the children think you are a oushover. Maybe she isn't being warm and friendly towards parents in the morning because thye are distrupting the start of the school day for her. She needs the children to sit down do the register and get on with the school day.

Ohforfoxsake · 24/01/2009 10:08

But its not an issue to be brought into school over? If parents were doing this regulary and there was a crush, then a note to all reminding everyone would do the job.

cory · 24/01/2009 10:10

Ohforfox- it may not be anything to do with this at all, but it may also be about the teacher having felt that the OP was confrontational. She'll have to wait and see.

Ohforfoxsake · 24/01/2009 10:15

Thats true. I can see that there's not necessarily fault on either side, and they may just need to clear the air. Not a bad thing

IME some teachers simply do not have great social skills with parents, but are fantastic with the children. The way she is with you is not necessarily a reflection on her teaching or how she is with the children. Also, when we do see them in Year 1 is at the worst time of day - with a class of moving children either at the start or end of the day. They probably just want to get them sorted and settled. I have 4 and I feel like that most of the time, I'd be no good with 30!

Original poster

theresonlyme · 24/01/2009 16:21

I cna't see why the teacher is thinking I am confrontational.

I didn't say anything to her when she let my child go and all I did was tell a crying child her mum was there.

It might be something minor they want to talk to me about but I still think it is incredibly mean to leave me worrying all weekend when I have no idea what they want to see me about. I am just guessing that she is annoyed I went looking for my child.

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Original poster

theresonlyme · 24/01/2009 16:34

BTW since Sept I have been into the classroom about 4 times. The other day a mum was in tears because her child was very upset and she felt she couldn't take her in. I get about the teacher not wanting 30 parents in the classroom in the morning but in reality there is usually 2 at the most and some get a better welcome than others (Maybe the more confident mums.)

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LIZS · 24/01/2009 16:36

I think you are making assumptions that it is n't about something completely different.

Original poster

theresonlyme · 24/01/2009 16:41

So, do you think it isn't about me going in to the classroom and talking to the crying child?

That would be good but then I am worrying that they have concerns about my DD.

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Original poster

theresonlyme · 24/01/2009 16:42

Also, the other mums and I have been upset as no one told us we weren't welcome in the classroom in the morning. Maybe it is obvious to some, but it wasn't to us.

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LIZS · 24/01/2009 16:45

Quite probably not , at least almost certainly not just for that. Remember she has 30 odd to deal with in her class, you have just the one there. I suspect you are more affected by such incidents than she would be, unless it affects the overall running of her classroom. Even if she does mention it, she may simply need clarification of the home situation to put the rest into context.

Original poster

theresonlyme · 24/01/2009 16:47

I am sure they all think I am a bit strange anyway and I hate having to explain why I am the way I am about things. If they are calling me in because I was in the room for about 30 seconds, asked my DD if she was okay, had a few words with the teacher and went, then goodness me. I didn't cause any problem.

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LIZS · 24/01/2009 17:04

I think you might be best explaining that to the school and asking for ds to go on the waiting list , rather than involving the LEA.

LIZS · 24/01/2009 17:05

sorry wrong thread

cory · 24/01/2009 17:23

The thing is, if you do need special consideration because of this horrible situation you find yourself in, you are going to have to explain it to the teacher: otherwise she will treat you just like another parent. Which by the time the children have reached this age, more or less means shooing you out of the way in the morning so she can get on with the teaching. If parents want to talk, they are usually expected to make appointments.

I understand why your situation is different. Go in and explain it so she understands. Otherwise, she will just see you as one of 30.

Original poster

theresonlyme · 24/01/2009 17:28

So I am being unrealistic to expect to be able to tell her once and she remember?

I am not going to bring it up unless they are annoyed that I went into the different classroom, but if she does let her go again I will tell her.

When I was telling her in the beginning she wasn't really interested tbh.

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