DS very sad..(long one sorry)

[clutteredup]

We moved house at Christmas and DD1 and DS started their new school in January. DD1 has settled into reception just fine but DS 7 yo is having trouble getting to know the other children. He was very popular at his old school and had a lovely group of friends and has never had any problems making friends in the past. Now all the other children have their established friendship groups and he is having difficulty getting to know them.
His teacher has said he's a sociable lad in the classroom but it's the playground he's finding difficult. He's had a go joining in with the boys who play football but he doesn't enjoy it much and he's not too good either so he's a bit embarrassed about joining in and I get the impression that they're finding him a bit of a PITA as they have told him to go and play with someone else.
I spoke to the teacher and she asked one of the children to make sure he was included but it happens to be the same boy who is getting a bit fed up with DS. To give this child his due he did as he was told and ensured that day that DS was included but it only happened once as its not really a friendship that's going to work. DS has this child down as a friend but I think that's because he's the only one he has played with. We invited him for tea but mother kindly said that the child was a bit shy of going to other houses but I suspect it's because he just doesn't want to.
He plays with his little sister when she's in the playground or otherwise on his own - he's always been good at playing by himself at home but he has always thrived on playing with other children at school.
His behaviour at home has been deteriorating and he was being unkind to both DDs as he is upset. We had a talk about how the children will like him they just don't know him yet and ways of getting to know people but I know its hard to break into established friendship groups. One trouble is that at his old school he was always willing to include new children when they joined his class so I guess he doesn't understand why these children won't do the same.
I know it will take time and it will all be alright after a few weeks, it's just he is so sad at the moment and its heartbreaking, I'm so sad to see him so unhappy .
Any ideas how to make him feel better would really help - thanks.

I feel so sorry for your DS, school playgrounds can be so intimidating cant they. Perhaps you could find out if the other boys at school go to any shared after school activities, like mini-rugby or cubs.
Might make it easier to make friends.

bump

Maybe invite some of the boys in his clasws round for tea.

sorry xposted - thanks.
I've been looking into beavers/cubs but beacause we've just moved to the area I've bee told he's not got an ice cubes chance in hell of getting into beavers and he's not 8 till May, and I've been told he's not likely to get a place in scouts either.
the problem is that we live in the next viallage as we couldn't get the DC into our village school so the children in our village all go to different schools - not in DD1s case her little friend lives down the road - but that doesn't help much!

We're trying tea invites but unfortunately the child he asked to come has turned him down and he doesn't know anyone else to invite. this is one of the problems - there are 30 children in his class you'd think he'd be able to find someone else!

If you do the school pick up in the afernoon, have you tried infiltrating the other mums clan/clique - really hard I know but you might find out about some other activity that they all do. There might be a different sport, or swimming lessons or sunday school or absolutley anything just for your DS to try for a while to get to know some of the boys.

Throw a big party for all his class and their parents. A getting-to-knw-you party.

Thanks, Mrs. Boo. Mmm, there perhaps is the problem . The mums outside reception are friendly and welcoming, mums outside DSs class are not very welcoming. I've tried the tactics I've suggested to DS about infiltrating a group - you know smiling, saying hello, making opening comments about the weather, the waiting for children etc., without much success.
I'll try and approach them to ask about clubs, that's a good idea, at least it's a direct question they'll have to give an answer to.

Can't really afford to invite 30 children plus parents - not to mention would have to include DDs class too - nice idea though

In that case you ahve to pick off kids and parents you like the look of at the school gate and smile broadly, explain you're new to the area and DS is feeling a bit lost and can you invite them round after school, when next week can you do? and yes please bring any siblings?

Do 2 or 3 of these a week until you find people you like and DS likes.

Good idea follderoll - I'll have a go. I know once he gets to know a couple of children he 's got something in common with he'll settle in OK - it's just he seems to be focussing on the ones who play football - probably because he thinks they'll be the cool ones. He told DH that some of the other children looked weird- when we went in for assembly yeaterday DH said he saw what DS meant- I didn't notice - but it doesn't help!
[exasperated smiley]

Poor DS & you

Can you sort of cheat a bit and find out if any of DD's classmates have siblings in DS's class. Then invite that family round?
Makes DS seem a little less 'desperate' as in Reception I would think it's more 'normal' to ask round people you don't really know to get to know them iykwim?

JKS that's a really good idea - perhaps invite mum so little one doesn't feel shy and then the older one would have to come along too - ooh I like that thank you - now to do a bit of research.

Good luck!

Thanks