DD (7) crying every morning and refusing to go into school. Need advice from people who have been through this please.

[sandyballs]

It started out the blue last week. DD is in year 3 and has always loved school. She has suddenly decided she doesn't.

I have spoken to her, so has her teacher and the head. She said that maths was too hard, so the teacher has reduced her maths work slightly and reassured her. The school have been very supportive in trying to get to the bottom of this. DD has said that nothing else is bothering her, just the maths, and the fact that she worries she might be sick at school.

Once I get her through the door and leave she is fine, but there are lots of tears and clinging on to me before we get to this stage. Last week I was very kind and sympathetic and reassuring, this morning I was cross and very matter of fact, spelling out that the end result was that she HAD to go to school, whether she went straight in or spent 15 minutes in the doorway crying, she still HAD to go to school, the same as I have to go to work. This seemed to upset her even more and I'm sitting at work feeling miserable as I haven't got a clue how to help her with this.

Anyone?

If this has happened suddenly when she's been fine about it before, then I think something must have happened, probably some one-off event rather than anything like bullying or really not coping with the work, as they would come on more gradually.

You could try again to get her to tell you, reassuring her you won't laugh or think she's silly. It's probably something which will sound a bit silly, else she'd have told you about it! Maybe a falling out with a friend, or being embarrassed by something.

Thanks AMum. I'm wondering if there is more to it than maths, but she just won't tell me so I've run out of ideas on how to help her.

I will speak to her again tonight and do what you suggest, reassuring her I won't think she's silly or laugh.

Anyone elses kids been through this?

Hi Sandy ive just put up a thread where my DS 6 usually loves going to school has suddenly adpoted an atttitude of fear. Well, long story short i found out he has been experiencing bullying. So i am not too sure if thats the case with your DD but it might explain the sudden change in her behaviour towards schooling. As you said spend some time with her and try and listen. I dont think if i listened to him this morning i would have known what was going on. I hope speaking to her helps. And sometimes its just reassuring to hear other mums have been through similar things.

x

I, myself went through this. From when I was about 8-12. Screaming, crying, threatening to kill myself. Well to cut a long story short I lied and lied and lied to my parents. I told them I was being bullied and that I had stomach aches. The truth was that I was scared that my parents would not come to pick me up from school and I would be left there forever. I finally told them 2 years ago. I am 30. I used to give hints and say, why can't I get the train to School etc etc. Anyway, I don't know how this will help you, I just wanted to emphasize how little kids lie (not because their bad). I wish someone had pushed me more (very gently - I would never have opened up to anger). An idea that I think would have worked with me would have been if parents had kind if put idea in my mouth by saying it first. You could do this by writing down ANY idea you think of that could have upset child and then write them down and then get them to have a look for a few days/ hours and come back and discuss with you. Things will be fine, but must be very distressing. xxx

god, dreadful spelling. sorry.

I would very gently push - I went through this as a child a couple of times - I was being bullied one time, another was a mis-communication with a teacher that caused me to think that I was in lots of trouble. Both were sorted out once they were out in the open.

Many thanks for your replies. I have finally managed to get her to open up. A few kids have been sick at school over the last week or so and she is terrified of being sick herself in front of teachers and friends, and me not being there .

She has had a fear of sickness for some time now, but not as bad as this. So glad she has opened up to me though and so far lots of reassurance has helped and she has gone into school ok.

Mumtoarobot - thanks for replying, hope your son is ok and you get things sorted out.

Wow...good stuff.

You could give her techniques that she can use to make her feel more confident. Make sure she knows where the office is and the relevent person to tell. Let her take plastic bags with her if she likes. Talk through with her previous sickness times and how she always had time to get to a toilet/bowl.