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DS in Reception losing confidence/friends after good start. What should I do?

6 replies

longingforsleep · 13/01/2009 10:49

First post on Mumsnet, so hope somebody out there can offer me some friendly advice.

Bit of background: My DS is nearly 4.5 yrs (birthday end of July, so one of the youngest in his year at school). Started Reception in September, and to start with all seemed to go really well. He loved the learning side of things, and came home excited with all the new sounds he'd learned etc, and he made some nice friends to run around with in the playground. The settling in was done quite gradually, with the class split in two sets of 15 children, which seemed to suit DS. Most days after school he would stay in the playground and run around with his new friends, and seemed really happy.

Fastforward a few months, and things seem to have changed. The two classes joined up, and it was a full day at school, which I think came as a real shock to DS. Then I noticed that he hadn't been asked to a couple of parties, but as he didn't seem bothered, I tried very hard not to be too. Also noticed that the boys he'd previously been friendly with seemed to be running around the playground with other boys. Then there were a few incidents where he said he'd been pushed in the playground.

DS is definitely young for his age, and has slightly delayed speech and glue ear (just been diagnosed), and at times can be a bit bossy, but he's also lacking in confidence and gets easily upset. I know I am a real worrier, but I can't bear the thought of him not having anyone to play with at lunchtime. His teacher is not very warm or approachable, but in the past I have asked the TA to keep an eye on him in the playground.

Sorry, this has turned into a bit of a ramble. Can anyone offer any words of wisdom/been through anything similar. I find I spend all day worrying about my son when I should be doing other things....


P.S. He always goes into school very bravely and doesn't make a fuss. If he really hated it he would, wouldn't he?

OP posts:
bundle · 13/01/2009 10:51

do they not have a "buddy bench" in the playground? if not, suggest it

i think what you describe are "normal" teething issues and it's hard to come to terms with this massive change in your son's life.

MamaG · 13/01/2009 10:54

Sorry you are both going through this. I think that you need to speak to his teacher, no matter how unapproachable she is. She really is best placed to help your DS.

Could you arrange a couple of playdates with the boys your ds was friends with, perhaps?

Don't worry about the parties, my DS is in a class with 19 boys and I won't be inviting all of them to his party in March. The ones he wants to invite changes daily

madrush · 13/01/2009 10:56

ah little babies, it's very normal for them to make friends and then seem to lose friends and for us parents to worry that no one's going to see what we see in our precious little ones and they'll be friendless and teased for their whole lives etc.

He's happy, I suspect it's bothering you more than him. He's just getting to know the other boys and girls and working out which have similar interests.

Inviting someone to play after school can be nice for all (and make you feel better because you'll see they can interact well together). And don't be afraid to make the first move on this, more than once if necessary.

I'm sure he'll settle in so well that in the summer you'll be astonished at the change!

bathmum · 13/01/2009 11:04

Thanks for quick responses. I do hope so much it is just 'teething' issues. He does seem jolly at home, although sometimes says he doesn't want to go to school in the mornings, it always seems a bit of a token gesture, and by the time we leave the house he is running along happily, jumping in all the puddles.

I did arrange one play date during the first half term, but it was a bit of a disaster as the little boy in question came with his mum and sister, and spent most of the time playing with my 7 month old baby! Since then I've seen him being a bit unkind to DS ("No, you can't play with us etc') - really hard to witness.

Just wish DS has a bit more confidence. I see some of the 5 year olds in his class and they just seem streets ahead....

MamaG · 13/01/2009 11:07

It is difficult. I hate the thought of my 4 year old boy being alone in the playground and I badger my 9 year old DD ("did you see him today? Who was he playing with? Did he look happy?") etc!

My friend has a son in DS's class - extremely confident boy, was 5 at beginning of Sept and is v popular. His mum is a dinnerlady at school adn she saw him through the window, standing alone in teh playground looking lost. She said it broke her heart and she couldn't stop herself going out to see him! He very crossly told her he was playing hide and seek

longingforsleep · 13/01/2009 11:19

My DH thinks I'm just being silly and overreacting. Points out that lots of children going into class in the morning cry and won't let go of their mothers, and DS has never done that...

Got to go now, baby calls.11

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