Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Original poster

Strategies for a chronically disorganised and forgetful 9-year-old boy please...

28 replies

whippet · 13/01/2009 09:41

DS1 is 9. Very bright. Massive brain. Never ceases to amaze me with his general knowledge.

But would forget his head if it wasn't attached.

He forgets his homework, his sports kit, his brother (pick up from after-school room on way out of school), EVERYTHING that's do to with day-to-day life.

So far I've tried to be as good a mum as possible - reminding him, giving him copies of timetables, nudging teachers, friends etc to help out.
But now he's in Year 4 he really needs to begin to sort himself out, as I saw his teacher yesterday, and I can see she thinks it's beginning to affect his work.

Any ideas? Anythign worked for your (similar) kids?

OP posts:
fircone · 13/01/2009 09:45

Help needed here, too!

Ds, 10, goes to secondary school next year and I really fear for him. He even went to school wearing his trousers back to front last week - and didn't notice all day.

Original poster
whippet · 13/01/2009 11:28

fircone - that is JUST like DS!

I start to get mad at him, but then he just gives me this sort of 'I can't help it' look, and I just feel his frustration.

Today he has to remember to go somewhere at break, so we wrote it on his hand at breakfast!

It turns out that there is a girl in his class (who is rather fond of him according to her mum!) who has been doing stuff for him at school - pathetic! (if sweet...)

He's destined to become a mad professor type...

OP posts:
seeker · 13/01/2009 11:33

Have you tried getting tough? That is, not"rescuing"him from the consequences of his forgetfulness? [tough mum emoticon]

We have a notice pinned on the back of the front door saying "Is it Monday? If so, G have you got your dance gear and P have you got your PE kit?" and so on for every day of the week. I then don't remind, and don't rescue. I find the notice works really well - it's impossible to miss!

ahundredtimes · 13/01/2009 11:37

Oooh yes, I'm good at this. I have one ds who is near catastrophic and one who is pretty bad, and one dd who is super organised.

Okay.

Firstly at home - LIST FOR THE DAY by the door. Not just what they have to remember but everything they are doing, what they have to take, what activities they are going to be doing. They have to read it out loud. Get the stuff they need. Then read it again. Out loud.

Then they have to get their stuff themselves - not you rush about throwing their P.E. kit at them.

I have found a book helps to be honest! Mine have homework diaries we write in, if you can't do that, get a pad. Then all he's got to remember is to look at the pad. You might write - BRING YOUR KIT HOME. HAVE YOU PACKED YOUR HOMEWORK YOU NUMPTY?

Also it reduces the nagging - all you say is - remember to look at your pad. Not too many confusing things like did you get your brother, have you got your homework, have you got your kit?

It's worked for us - I have no idea if the school mind me writing in their homework diary, I don't ask, but it means we don't have two books to look in, because otherwise he'd lose the pad etc etc etc

sinkingfast · 13/01/2009 11:43

Oh ahundredtimes that's a BRILLIANT idea, thank you!

hannahsaunt · 13/01/2009 11:47

Is it a boy thing? Ds1 (8) is like this. It comes as a surprise every morning that he has to get dressed for school (including shoes)...may try notes (assuming that he will remember to look at them).

fircone · 13/01/2009 11:51

I might try a list by the door.

Whippet - ds too has a friend who mother hens him quite a bit. I heard him saying, "Fircone Junior, we have to get your guitar" and "Fircone Junior, I got an extra copy of the homework letter for you." This ain't going to happen next year, so ds is going to have to wise up.

LongDroopyBoobyLady · 13/01/2009 11:55

I think it might be a boy thing - my DD2 (6) is more organised than DS (11) and whilst the suggestion of a homework diary is fab my experience is that he's "forgotten" to write his homework, reminders, etc in it!

Will be watching this thread with interest for tips.

stealthsquiggle · 13/01/2009 11:56

We are heading down the same route as 100times - DS(6) has a list, resident in his book bag, of what he should be taking to school and what he should be bringing home on any given day. It works up to a point - that 'point' being that I keep not allowing enough time for him to check and action it at boy-pace in the morning, and if he is not being picked up straight from class then no-one reminds him (or gives him time) to check it then.

If he and DD are still in the same school by the time he reaches 9 though I will only have to put one thing on his list - "ask DD what you have forgotten" - she is 2.3 and already stands at the front door saying "DS, SHOES", "DS, COAT", "Mummy, KEYS" etc...

seeker · 13/01/2009 12:03

Don't put the list BY the door, it's possible to walk through he door and not see it. It needs to be actually ON the door!

haggisaggis · 13/01/2009 12:07

My ds is a bit like this too. He has a homework diary - but if he writes anything in it he then forgets to bring it home!

BonsoirAnna · 13/01/2009 12:11

stealthsquiggle and others - I think that lists are a very good idea, but that children should get their bags ready for school at night, not in the morning - there is less pressure in the evening and it gives them time to remember things they may have overseen in the time they are getting ready and having breakfast.

stealthsquiggle · 13/01/2009 12:16

BonsoirAnna - I absolutely agree in theory, but given the reality, 4 days a week, of us all getting in at 6pm(ish) and needing to fit in supper, bath and reading and get DD and DS into bed at 7:30pm (otherwise he is impossible to get back out of bed at 7:30am) evenings are not much less pressurised than mornings, on the whole.

ahundredtimes · 13/01/2009 12:17

Oh with the list thing - you don't leave it to the last minute.

It has to be done earlier, like after they've finished breakfast?

Have you looked at the list?

We call ours the Rememberwall after the rememberball in Harry Potter.

BonsoirAnna · 13/01/2009 12:23

Gosh, your children get in at 6 pm and go to bed at 7.30 pm? That is really tight. Poor all of you.

stealthsquiggle · 13/01/2009 13:27

I cannot imagine that we are alone, though, Bonsoir - pickup from After School Care / nursery in time to get home at 6pm means either DH or I cutting short what should be our working day as it is, and not many 6yo's can cope with a full-on school day with a bedtime much later than 7:30pm (that is a target, BTW, rarely achieved - it is generally closer to 8, but definitely no time to leave DS to assemble his possessions at his own (mind-bogglingly slow) pace).

BonsoirAnna · 13/01/2009 13:30

The bed time thing is very individual. We usually get in around 6pm too (though earlier in this cold weather as we don't go to the park after school) but DD (4) doesn't go to bed much before 9.30 pm. So there is lots of time to do things in the evening. Her mornings are very tight though - I prefer to get up before her and have my bath and breakfast in peace.

Ingles2 · 13/01/2009 13:36

I've moaned about this and ds1 on here so many times
It's the academically clever ones I think.
ds2, 7 is very creative and has loads of common sense and tbh he's the one who keeps us all in line. He remembers everything that boy.
ds1 has a list and if he's forgotten something...tough. Harsh I know but I notice he never forgets his Match Attax cards.

stealthsquiggle · 13/01/2009 13:42

100times - how long does it take in your house? I am trying to work out how much earlier we need to get up - bearing in mind that 'go and brush your teeth' can take DS 10 minutes...

(BonsoirAnna - my DC go to bed at that sort of time on Fridays/Saturdays, but then don't get up until at least 9am - DS starts school at 8:15am)

BonsoirAnna · 13/01/2009 13:43

Right. DD's school doesn't start until 9am. She gets up around 7.50 am.

ahundredtimes · 13/01/2009 13:47

To get up and out? Hmm. The boys go for a bus - me and dd operate more on the go-slow, though I notice our go-slow for her school, is just as bad tempered.

I think wake up at 7.00. Downstairs and dressed by 7.20 [allowing for ds2 to have one sock on, and the wrong trousers, to go back up for the right trousers and return with a jumper, go back up etc etc]. Breakfast, Rememberwall, teeth, shoes - they are out the door by 7.50 for their bus.

dd and I take longer doing less.

ahundredtimes · 13/01/2009 13:49

It is a bit hairy sometimes, I think I should wake them earlier maybe.

ahundredtimes · 13/01/2009 13:49

It is a bit hairy sometimes, I think I should wake them earlier maybe.

ahundredtimes · 13/01/2009 13:50

Both of them

ahundredtimes · 13/01/2009 13:56

Though regime in place you see - shoes on rack, bags on hook, rememberwall, toothbrushes in downstairs toilet, not upstairs in the bathroom.

That is possibly how I've cut it down, but it's taken tears and doesn't account for the sudden, 'My Match Attax folder!' outrage at 7.48.