My niece (10), has been excluded from school for the day, how series do things have to be before a school takes this route?

[pepsi]

My niece has been having problems at school for some time, she is doing average academic wise but has really bad anger problems at home and at school. She apparently bullies other kids but it seems they give it back too. Her Mum has battled with depression over many years so she is finds dealing with this issues rather difficult to say the least. About a month before Christmas her Mum decided that it would be best if she came home for lunch every day to avoid conflict in the playground, the school werent keen but I think they let it go ahead because my SIS was getting herself into a state. Anyway after a few weeks the school decided it was a good idea. Anyway she went back to school on Tue, all ok and came home for lunch, but yesterday there was an incident during morning break where she kicked another child and now she has been excluded for the day and has to come home for lunch until further notice. Its hard to read the situation. My SIS is struggling and sometimes doesnt see things how others might. My niece always denies any involvement in anything but yesterday there were 5 witnesses. Im thinking that surely things must be really bad for a school to take such action, or is it commonplace. What do yo think?

I can only remember one incident at my dcs school where kids were excluded and that was for physical fighting

What help is your sis getting to get the problems resolved? Have the school given your sister the procedure for dealing with bullys and what happens next or what the steps are?

The school said that they "have tried everything". I asked SIS if she had documentation of whats been done and she doesnt, although I know they have tried, star charts and stuff like that. The school are not going to get someone like and Ed Physchologist to come and observe her in the playground and she is going to be put on an IEP regarding behaviour, which is all good, but I would have thought these things would have been put in place before any exclusions. Trouble is I dont know how serious her behaviour is in school. Shes not a bad kid. she doesnt get on well with her sister, they are always aruging. Her sister is 2 years older and has always spent time on her own and prefers just to sit on her laptop and never ever has a good word to say about her sister. they dont socialise as a family with out families/kids and I cant help but wonder whether my niece is dealing with kids at school in the same way as she deals with her sister because thats what she knows. Its hard to say. My friend is a governer at my kids school and she has grown up children and cannot recall it happening at our school ever in all of her years. I worry about her going home every lunchtime too because that doesnt solve the problem but in my view just moves her further away from her peers - although I guess if I was parent of one of the kids she is arguing with I would be pretty pleased.

Sorry that should say the school are going to get an Ed Physch to come in. They also have someone who comes to the school to deal with such issues about to start sessions with her, and outside school she is on the waiting list to see a councillor to try and talk things through and find out what the route of the anger is, but its all come a bit too late now.

Depends. The school have a hard balancing act to do, between looking after your niece's best interests and making the other children feel they are safe.

Different headteachers have different approaches to day exlusion. We had a sudden spate of exclusions when a new acting head moved in last year, but then things settled down, the kids came back. The permanent exclusion I can remember was of a child who was seriously disturbed. As far as I remember, it was triggered by his biting the headteacher's leg and escaping by climbing the school fence.

The normal first solution would be to give a child lunchtime detentions for fighting. Only when that fails (or if the incident is really bad) would you then move on to exclusions.

I have seen it from the other side, as ds was afraid to go to school for a while in Yr 3 due to another boy's anger management problems. School dealt with it and they've been fine since. I believe the other boy is getting counselling.

My dd was the butt of a child a year or so ago. The child sounds a bit like your niece, or actually a bit worse as (apparently) she had "beaten up" a couple of the kids in the class, and would wait for dd outside the school and twist her wrist. She wasn't excluded at all. She was kept in at break times and sent home for lunch. Clearly at dd's school they have to do something more than this to be excluded.

Theres a boy at my childrens school who last year was awful to pretty much every child in the class both verbally and physically and the same type of actions have been put in place for him although not exclusion. At the time my ds was one of his victims and my gut instinct was to tell ds to keep away from him. I imagine the other parents in my nieces playground are saying the same about her which doesnt feel very nice when its one of your own. I dont think she ever beats anyone up, its sounds like its one kick or one punch. From the information im getting the situation doesnt sound as bad as what I would expect. Maybe the school are hoping that this will frighten her enough to make her behave differently. I know she is not a nasty child, but why she clearly is to others at school is a mystery to me. I watched a programme on TV the other night about kids that have problems at school and it seemed that all of them have problems at home of some sort. I do wonder if this to is at the bottom of the problem.

Pepsi, It is a good step I your neice is having measures to bserve her behaviour and also getting someone to talk to her and try to establish why her behaviour is the way it is.

Maybe the exclusion will kick in that the behaviour is not acceptable and then hopefully things can move forward with your neice with the help she is offered.

I think it is the case that many children who have problems at school have problems at home, but certainly not all. Or some have problems that are part of themselves - like extreme sensitivity- so are going to follow them everywhere.