How to deal with DD in Y1 increasingly not liking school

[navelgazer]

I don't know if I'm overreacting tbh. She was ok in Reception though complained sometimes about having noone to play with, I took this with a pinch of salt as her teachers in Reception and Y1 both said she played with a group of friends and though she is a gentle soul at heart I thought she could be a bit bossy.

However in the middle of last term she started saying she didn't like school,getting upset about going. When I ask why there seem to be 2 reasons. One is she says they never play they just do work (numbers, alphabet, writing.) The other thing is the girl she describes as her bf sometimes excludes her from the group of friends she plays with and she is too shy to ask anyone else to play. This girl seems to be the 'boss' of the group and everyone does as she says. There are 3 classes in each year and they are mixed up each year but DD seems to have stuck with those she knows from last year. I have discussed playing with others to her but she keeps saying she's too shy.

Tbh also I am surprised to hear a 5 year old say she is effectively bored at school, I thought at this age it would be exciting still (or maybe that was just me!) She has even said she doesn't like reading which I find worrrying. She was described as average ability at our last consult with her teacher so I don't think it's because school is too easy. The business with the supposed bf is happening often enough now to start to bother me too.

Am I worrying unnessecarily, will it all just blow over?. Today she was in tears after her first day back and said she had been wanting me and DH all day - She was definitely not like this in Reception.

nobody with a similar experience?

I'd speak to the teacher, ask her to keep an eye out for your dd and let you know what she thinks is going on

Thanks dinny.

Am I right in thinking a 5 year old shouldn't be bored at school?

Lots of children get bored in school, esp. if they're bright. Good teachers will ensure this doesn't happen, as it can put children off learning altogether - you say she's already going off reading The school's unlikely to do much about it ime. Would you consider home ed? If not, if it were me, I'd be looking for another school. Life's too short to spend much of it miserable!

I'd start inviting some of her other classmates over for tea.

Hopefully, that will give her the confidence to play with other people at school.

In terms of the work, I think there is a big increase in work between reception and year 1. My daughter is more the imaginative type and she doesn't like working unless it is creative writing. My son was the other way around; he hated the learning through play and was much happier with the more formal year 1.

i would invite kids around, and encourage your daughter to have make friends with different people, so she is not reliant on 1 group. IMO, year 1 and 2 is the time when power play and manipulation happens. This happened to my daughter last year and she was very unhappy. But it has worked out okay; she made new friends and is now happy.

Go with your gut instinct: it is not as big a deal to swap schools as people think. I moved my son and it worked out really well. So trust your intuition as to how bad the situation is.

That's quite a depressing thought lindenlass that lots get bored in school. I wasn't bored until secondary school(but I certainly made up for it then).

She sees a lot of kids out of school Desperate and is quite confident with them, maybe she doesn't thrive socially in a school environment (?)

Good to hear your DD is happier now Milly. What happened, how long did it take for things to change/

My son is in year 2 now, but found the leap from Reception to year 1 quite a challenge. There is a lot more "work" rather than play and I think it might be a case of her using the word "boring" to describe her feeling of not enjoying it much rather than actually being bored with the work if that makes sense. DS is a lot happier now he's in year 2, but I think it does come as a shock when the emphasis moves from play to "proper" learning. Regarding friends, does she ever have any of the girls from school back home to play, does she get invited to others? Maybe try to encourage some other friendships to help her overcome her shyness.

Sorry for not answering more promptly. The problem was that the girls were playing very grown up sex and relationship games, but as my daughter is 6, and has been quite sheltered, she couldn't really join in and was upset and they pushed her out because she couldn't play the games properly. She had been friends with the other girls for 3 years, but they grew up faster than her. I started inviting other girls around the house, so that she would have a chance to make different friends. It did get bad for a while, and she was very unhappy, as she was stood on her own in the playground a lot. It was worse because sometimes the old girls would still want her to play and sometimes not, which interfered with the new friendships she was forming.

It got much better this year, as she got a new teacher and it just changed the mood in the classroom and leadership can change a class dynamic.

I am glad really that she has changed friends; I don't want her being pushed in and out of a group and I don' want her growing up too fast.

1 piece of advice: don't discuss it with the other parents. The girls may make up but the parents may have a rift that lasts forever! If you need to, speak to the school, but not the parents.

My dd also started Y1 last September. She doesn't have a problem with friends as her main friend is an old childhood friend in Y2 and they're devoted to each other, plus she has a couple of girls she gets along with in her class.

But she does tell me she's bored. I've tried to work out why and she just says abstract things like 'the day's too long' / 'we keep learning the same things' etc. etc. I'm guessing the day seems too long because she's not inspired by the work or something?

Just a thought. My dd says that work is boring if she doesn't understand it. Maybe check which things she finds 'boring' and look into whether she is finding it difficult or not.

dd1 is in year 1 and is always complaining that all they do is work, work, work. I ended up telling her that that is the point of school to learn new things.

I think she may be exaggerating the all work thing as I know they do, cooking, handcrafts art, music and movement, music, pe and computers at least once a week. I am surpised sometimes that they find time to read each day, do sums, science, French etc.

I have noticed that the girls can be very fickle in their friendships and that does upset her. She is essentially in a group of 4 girls who like to play together, about 2 weeks before the end of term one of the girls said she didn't want to be friends any more and dd was very upset. She still says that this girl doesn't want to be friends despite that fact they still play together.

It is worth having a word with your dd's teacher if she is upset as she may be able to do something to help. - An important classroom job helps dd1 when she is upset.

Thanks for all these replies. I will check if 'boring' is 'difficult' as some of you suggest. The teacher is fairly new and though to me looks a bit drippy has got a reputation for being shouty with the kids. I've noticed that DD is much more reluctant to communicate e.g.pass on messages, to this Y1 teacher than her Reception teacher who was very approachable and my impression is that, as she's quiet in class aswell she gets ignored a bit - only a feeling, no concrete evidence for this.

It's also very hard to get out of her the full story of what happened at school when she's upset. Milly, your DD's situation sounds similar to my DD's - she is quite naive and the on/off relationship she has with this girl is stopping other friendships forming like you say. I have strongly suggested DD looks for other friends at school and truly hope she does.

My dd really struggles with the on / off friendship thing too. She seems to have got out of that a bit though by sticking with a small group of friends who don't do that. I think she avoids the class politics people as much as she can.

Last year in Reception dd had a shouty NQ teacher and she absolutely hated going to school. She's been happier this year with a calmer, more experienced teacher.

it's good that she is sticking with the other group - yesterday DD came home and said she had a 'lovely' day at school, it transpires this girl allowed her to play again today, told DD she had been 'tricking' her yesterday, not sure what she means but DD, naive as usual, believes it. I have told her a good friend will not stop you playing one day and then let you play the next, am trying to slowly edge her away from this girl but not sure whether she will listen to me.

Also yesterday they had another teacher in the afternoon who did crafty things -I do think her current teacher is not very imaginative.

You could be me last year, right down to the tricking! I really hope this works out for your daughter.

I too found that "boring" meant "difficult" or "unsure how to tackle this" rather than "insufficiently challenging".

have a word with her teacher. also invite bossy bf round to your house where your child will be in charge.invite bf mum round 2 for coffee.

Thanks Milly

ben5, have invited bf and her mum round on 3 occasions, the mum says she will ring and never does and never mentions it the next time we see her at school - she is not sociable with anyone else either.

I'm starting to think boring is boring actually Cory, today they just had their normal Y1 teacher and just did counting and writing all day, apparently he doesn't do painting, sticking, gluing etc. Not really sure what you can do when your child has an unimaginative teacher.