How do I choose? Please help me.

[leoleosuperstar]

DS starts school in September.

We have lots of primary schools near us. We have narrowed it down to 2 schools. We have looked up the Ofsted reports.

School 1 has a overall score of 2. They have been marked a couple of 3's and a 1. (Report from 2007)
This school has an admission limit of 30 and DS would start part-time in September as he is a spring baby.

School 2 has a overall score of 2 with a couple of 1's and no 3's. (Report from 2008)
The admission limit is 50 and DS would start full time in September.

They are the facts. I think the smaller intake is a good idea as it suggests that the school is smaller and the children would all know each other.

My dp is deciding on the reports and prefers school 2.

The other factors are - my sister will be sending her gs to school 2. My sister swears at her gs and her gs is very disruptive and hits my ds for no reason. I think if they went to the same school then my ds would have to deal with this child on a regular basis. My dp thinks he will come across children like this no matter what school he went to but I think as they know each other they will naturally be drawn to each other. The school will have problems dealing with this childs behavior and being family I think they will assume my child is the same. My other problem is when we take our children to school my sister will obviously stand with me in the playground and other mums will witness her shouting and swearing at her gs and will be and will avoid speaking to me.
My dp thinks that once I speak to other mums that they will realise that I am not like this. I don't think I would ever get this far and my child wont be invited on playdates. Also when mums want to invite my ds to play they will feel uncomfortable not inviting the other child (he would break things and hit their children if he was invited so it wouldn't be a reoccurring invitation imo) so my ds wouldn't be invited.

With school 1 I wouldn't have any of these issues but my dp thinks I am being silly.

I just want my ds to be happy at school.
What do you think?
Are playgrounds actually like this?

Thank you.

Have you visited either of them?

Go for the school you and dh prefer and put aside the issue with his cousin(?). Either child may not even get in or stay throughout. I don't think comparisons will be made automatically unless you reinforce the relationship and with an intake of 50 there is plenty of scope to develop a differnet circle of friends. Why do you assume that schools aren't able to deal with such behaviour? Credit teachers with their experience. There could equally be similar children at either school and a Special Needs Coordinator will exist to support and advise if needs be.

Both same distance, the schools are about 1 street away.
Didn't think of it like that.
My younger sister says she wouldn't have made as many friends at school if it wasn't for our mum making friends with thier parents. Is this true?

LIZS - thank you this is what I am looking for as I have no experience of schools other than my own schooling which was over 25 years ago (for primary).
I have called to request visits but this was Christmas time and the schools we reluctant. We aim to visit next week.

Riven - thank you. I am making more of it than needs to be then?

what is gs?

I don't think you can possibly decide until you have visited the school and got a sense of the atmosphere. Pick the school on that basis, not the complications of the disruptive relative - because as LIZS said, there will be strategies in place to deal with disruption. And if you do end up at school 2, there will be enough kids/parents that there will be no automatic assumption you are part of the whole disruption thing.

It does sound like your sister needs some help, though - parenting/Surestart classes?

You are right - too much choice and it makes you feel that it is all your fault if you choose wrong.
I am very anxious when it comes to choices regarding ds. If it was me choosing a job or something I just decide and forget about it.
I am also worrying that he doesn't know the alphabet, can't write his name or read.
This is normal though? My dad was very strict about learning at home so I feel that children should enjoy themselves while they are so young and they should play.

gs - grandson. There is a big age gap between me and older sister and her gs lives with her.

I have suggested that she speak to hv to tell them she is struggling but they wasn't interested.

TBH whatever you suggest she carries on regardless anyway even if you are watching her gs and it is proven to work rather than the shouting and smacking method she uses.

It is the way she brought up her older dc's.

The children would all know each other in an intake of 50 too so discount that.

My DS2 is in a year of 45 but the yrs above and below him are 80 and he knows most of the children in the school tbh (he has been there 4 terms).

Ofsteds sound very similar and both fine.

Where do most children in yr street go? (handy for playdates/favours)

The school could separate yr DS and his cousin in a 50 intake (=2 classes) if you asked them - and I am sure they wouldn't assume the two of them are the same!

I really wouldn't worry about the other mums and playdates etc - I think yr DP is right. There would be no need to invite the other child as well as yr DS - I don't even always invite siblings of playdate children (if for eg they are not in a school year with any of mien therefore not a partic friend - does that make sense?)

What are the schools actually like - ie have you visited - seen the pupils at work and play - met the head?

WRT to friends and mums' friends - I am friendly with lots of mums but they aren't always the mums of my kids' (best) friends. It's really not how kids choose their pals (nor should it be )

Don't worry wrt to reading and writing - none of mine could do more than write thei rname (just about) on starting school but all are doing fine now.

Clary - thank you so so much. I feel a lot better. There are 2 dc's in our road that are the same age so that is a good idea to ask their mums what school they will be going to. I'll do that.

Word of mouth is the best way to assess a school I've found. Get into small conversations with anyone / everyone you see locally with school-age children and ask them where their kids go to school and mention the two names of the schools you're interested in and log their opinions in your memory. I did this lots when choosing dd's primary school.

I wouldn't worry about your ds' gs too much. If your ds isn't that keen on playing with him they will naturally drift apart and you might find that the school has a positive impact on the gs' behaviour in any case. Your dh is right that your ds will meet all kinds of kids and the best way you can help him is to allow him to learn how to deal with them.

As to playground gossip etc. I think that depends on the school, area, particular year. In dd's year at school there are a few cliques of mums who I know gossip and judge other mums / kids. But the majority don't. However I do know people with kids in better /worse schools for this kind of thing.

Go and see the schools, you can't decide just on the ofsteds. I think some of your concerns are reasonable - that you might not want to hang out in the same playground as a difficult relative. But others less so - people won't feel they have to invite their kid's friend's cousin on a playdate - that won't be an issue.

Don't worry about the reading/writing - schools expect to teacher that from scratch IME.

leoleo have been thinking about this some more and can offer this thought also:

In DS2's yr there are 2 cousins ie their mums are sisters - they are in separate classes (no idea if this is the school's or the mum's idea) and there is no notion that a friendship with one child by yr child means they must be friendly with the other.

For eg DS2 had one child to his party last year but not the other (only one was in his class). Not that he dislikes the other boy I should add, in fact they are both very nice lads, but I thought it might be a bit of a helpful parallel.

I am so glad I started this thread. Everyone has been very helpful.

Going to visit them both next week, speak to people locally and I think I am happy to go with either now.