The school run: is this distance realistic?

[chique]

Please forgive me for asking what I suspect others will consider to be a simple question, but we have a difficult and rather emotional decision and I am in need of some reasurance.

DC, who is due to move into reception next year, attends a school nursery which DC loves and where DC has made many friends (including some close friends). The problem is that the school is fifteen miles from home - in the opposite direction to the daily commute I now take to work! Although DH - whose commute does take him past the school - can do the afternoon pick-ups, he cannot drop DC off in the mornings. As a result, I end up driving over 34 miles a day and the mornings are quite stressful.

To make matters worse, most of the children in DC's class live on the opposite side of the school to us. As a result, last term, two birthday parties were over 25 miles away and most involved journies of 8 miles (each way).

After exploring all available options, we now feel that - no matter how good the school is - the distance is unsustainable (particularly as issues have arisen with respect to the time I arrive at work) and have found a lovely (but quite different) school (with a nursery) that is 5 miles from home. I know the decision to move DC should be easy, but I feel guilty (for the upset we will cause DC) and apprehensive (leaving aside DC's good report, this is an emotional time of year with happy, smiling, school children...and DC's school is very good at marketing). I also keep asking myself the question: if I could find a way to continue to make this work, would the distance be unsustainable in the longer term (e.g. what will happen when DC wants to play with friends, will DC get too tired in reception and beyond)?

I would, therefore, love to hear the experiences of any MNers who have done or are doing long-distance school runs.

I honestly wouldn't worry. My DD is due to move from a nursery she is very happy at to the local school. She'll be fine. It's just one of theose things, you have no way of predicting how small children will react to these things so don't make life difficult for yourself! You can't be ferrying your kid 30 miles to play with friends all the time!

It's way to far and it will get harder, not easier as your child gets older and wants to do After School Drama or Football or whatever. And if you plan to stay in the same area for a long time, think ahead to when he/she is 13 and wants to meet mates on a Saturday, or 16 and wants to go clubbing with schoolmates. Move him/her now, when it will be comparatively stress-free. Children are astonishingly adaptable - it will be fine.

way too far, even

My daily school run is about 50 miles and if i thought a school nearer would give the dcs what they need i would move them - esp the primary age ones.
I did move DD age 9 last year as her new school is now on my route and she has settled in fine. Try not to worry - children generally find it much easier to form friendships than us olduns!

I drive my DS 15 miles each way daily, i don't feel it to far to go attend a school i am happy with, i feel it a very small comprmise. Yes we have a lot of extra driving to do, to parties, playing with friends etc, but we chose for him to go to that school and wwe have to make sacrifices to make his childhood a happy positive one, these are the ones we are prepared to make. He also does 3 after school clubs, which again we are happy for him to attend.

I work as does my DH( he does about 4 school runs a month due to work)

Think about the days when you're off with the flu- not a valid excuse for depriving your ds of an education, but do you want to drive 30 miles on a day like that?

As he is starting reception he will be fine,all the others will be new as well.
God I don't know how you do such a long school run..I moan about a 2 minute run.

No local friends (for you or the children)

No help with school run from other parents if you're ill or the car breaks down.

Local children your children don't know so no one to play with in the holidays.

A nightmare if your child is ill and you have to go and pick them up.

Another nightmare if you have another child and their after school schedules don't match.

Don't do it.Unless your local school is a hotbed of drugs and Kalashnicovs and the further away one is The Chalet School, go local.

Cory made a good point, i broke my ankle in the summer and was unable to drive for a few weeks, my DH was quite work wise so we had 4 days in that period where wwe couldn't get him to school, we ended up paying for taxi's to take him and bring him home again, which was fine but it did cost us £50 per day.

I would move schools. You DS is still young so will adapt really easily.

I am sure your ds would adapt if you moved him.

However, my children are at a senior school which is about 22 miles away from home. It is the right school for them both, and it is well worth the sacrifices in time and money that we make. It is tiring but do-able.

And there are certainly times (like yesterday) when I had to do 'the school run' three times - ie. nearly 150 miles, because of the various commitments that the children had, combined with the need for me to do the odd bit of work!

if mornings are stressful already, then you need to act soon?

children do adapt quickly and the sooner you swicth, the sooner your dc will adapt.

I wouldn't worry about 'local friends' aspect too much; most of DDs school friends aren't local but we still manage playdates with them, plus she plays with the neighbourhood girls too.

But if your work is in the other direction, I don't think its fair on you. If the closer school is good too, then move your DC - who will benefit from you being less stressed and having a bit more time.

Does the current school have a bus service that you might be able to use? If not have you asked them if they might be prepared to start one? If there are enough other children coming from your way you may find this is something that they will set up and then use as a way of attracting more children from your area (it is what one school about the same distance away as yours has just done in our area). Alternatively would the school be able to put you in touch with other parents who might be willing to share the school run?

The other factor is the extent to which you are happy with the other nearer schools. Ideally closer is better but if you really don't like the school it won't matter how close it is.

local schools all the way. what would you do if you were sick? or petrol went up to £10 a gallon? Or your car broke?
Always try and pick a walkeable school.

My DS and DD attend our nearest school/nursery which is about 6 miles away (we live semi-rural)

Takes an age to get their during morning rush hour.

We are stuck if the car breaks down.

After school activties are a mare.

We don't have a choice but if I were you I would opt to go to the local school (if its acceptable standard).

It will also be better if the children live close by their friends so that they can socialise with them out of school.

Sorry to be all pious, but what about the environmental impact of driving 30 miles a day? Can you imagine if everyone did that? I strongly believe that you should go to your local school unless you have an extremely compelling reason not to.
Pol
ps I had to go 10 miles on the bus to my school and I hated hated hated it. Used to work out how many years of my life were being wasted.

Nursery friends are easily replaced!!

Move your child. Far too far for a primary-aged child to travel every day. Starting reception is an excellent time to change schools. You do not want to be living 15 miles or more away from his classmates.

I did a 30 mile round trip to secondary school and it was knackering at that age. Can't imagine what a massive pain in the bum it would be for a 5yo.

Is it only me that thinks a 5-mile commute is a bit of a mare too?

Unless you live in the middle of nowhere of course and that is the nearest school.

Isn't there one within walking distance - mayeb the one where the other children in the street go? For the reasons seeker says.

DD's school is about 4 miles I think. It is perfectly doable. Takes 10 min or so in car, on a route both DH and myself have to do to/from work - so not out of way, we literally pass the gate anyway.

Playdates have never been an issue. The host collects child and then the visiting child's parents collect from the host's home rather than school a couple of hours later.

After school activities also not an issue - I just set off an hour later to collect DD from school. If out of school, nt affected anyway.

Our local school would be at least 20+ minutes walk each way, with lots of hills too - so not a pleasant walk. And because of the school day timings would be a logistical nightmare. The current school, further away, just wrks far better for us.