School gates politics

[designergirl]

My daughter has just started Reception, and Im on Mat Leave at the moment (normally I work part time). I do try and be friendly to other mums - smile or say sth etc, but one Mum seems to have taken a dislike to me. When I got a bit dressed up (blouse and smart trousers?) for school play she made snide comments from a distance.(as in what is she wearing) She insulted me from a distance (I think) as I was putting dd1s sisters into our car after dropping off dd1.
Then as I walk towards door to drop off dd1 she seems to talk about me and smirk with her friends.
I just don't get it, as my thought was we're all going to be dropping off our kids here for 6/7 years together, so it's much simpler to make an effort to get on instead of being horrible to each other. I'm having a bad day today and I just think why is she being so horrible, am I imagining it or what?
I'm not from this area so I don't know anyone
with children at the school and everyone seems to know everyone else.I feel like not bothering to be friendly anymore.
There are 1 or 2 Mums who are nice, but I feel so isolated.
I just don't understand people who pick on me like that.Is she jealous bcse I've got a nikce job/nice car, or just sad?

nice, sorry for typo

she is just a saddo and prob jealous too, try to ignore it all just speak to the nice ones

she is sad
concentrate on the nice ones
people like this make me despair tbh. what do they gain by it? what kind of frail ego needs to pick on other people in order to feel good?

For every cow like the women you encountered there will be 10 lovely mums. I have made some of the best friends i ever had at the school gate

Most people will be listening to her, and nodding along, and thinking "YOu twat, get a life!"

If someone was being like that with me it would make me want to dress up even more. Wear a hat next time, and some high heels. Really give her something to talk about!

And give her a jolly 'hello!' as you sashay past looking fabulous.

Ignore the mardy ones.... or let the tyres down on her car.

Either ignore the stupid cow or be unbearably nice to her. All her "friends" will think she is a weirdo for not liking you.

You will make friends at the school but at least you know that she won't be one of them.

Sounds like jealously to me. A smile or polite hello when you see her will put her firmly in her place.

I do not understand all this bessie mates business at the schoolgates, just because you gave birth in the same year as people doesn't mean you have to like them.
Smile at everyone, be very polite and mind your manners but beyond that remember you're only there to pick your child up anything else is a bonus.

same thing happened go me when DD was in reception. I too was an outsider. Agree with others - I was polite and jolly and acted as if she was the nicest person in the world. I started making small talk with one or two other mums at first. Wait until your Dd starts getting invited to birthday parties - that is how I started making friends with other mums. Dd now in yr2 and I have 3 friends at school who are truely good friends now.

On the other hand, my sister was of the 'dump and run' mentality - she refused to make friends with anyone at her DDs school - she had had enough of school bullies when she actually went to school!

designergirl - I could have written your post, right down to the mat leave/part-time work and my ds has just started reception. My school is also a bit cliquey and am having trouble with it just because I have never really struggled to make friends before.

I think I'm seen as being a bit bohemian and weird (even though I'm not). I've never been in a situation where I've judged or been judged on what I'm wearing etc so am finding it all a bit trying.

some of the wohm parents who I have met at parties will talk to me normally but then I never see them cos their dcs are dropped off by grandparents/childminders etc.

Have made up my mind not to give a toss this term...I dont think you should either...

Message withdrawn

She's bored and boring. Nothing better to do than talk a load of bollocks to some poor cow that has to listen to her drone on about anyone (believe me, this kind of bitching is not personal - you could be anyone). It's probably the only adult conversation she has all day

She needs to get a life - v. sad really. Rise above her and try chatting to some of the others (if you want). The school gates are a pretty scary and nasty place sometimes IMO .... you can suss the likes of her out easily and then there's no need to even look her way.

Believe us, we are the LOVELY mums and we are out there waiting for you to say "Hi" to. Good Luck

I've encountered this problem too, funnily enough with a woman I was very friendly with, we walked to school + back together a lot + met up after school, as our dc's were friends + the same age.

Then all of a sudden I noticed that she'd roll her eyes if my dc's approached her, if she saw me even heading to the area of the playground she was in, (for any reason), she'd mouth "Oh for god's sake!" under her breath, then put on a false smile + be chatty in a forced sort of way.

I hate confrontation so didn't know how to play it, but I just stopped making any effort with her. We speak when we see each other but it's a bit stilted. Does make me cross when I think of all the favours she used to ask me to do, (I looked after her ds for two weeks once, nearly every day after school in addition to taking him to school in the mornings + dropping him back to his mum in the afternoons. This was when she had her baby + wasn't that well, but I'm thinking didn't that mean anything to her?!) It was quite hard work for me!

Her child takes himself to school now so she's not at the school gates, a relief for me as I now feel so much more relaxed!

I think some people are just like that, designer girl, very immature + get their kicks out of intimidating others. Best thing to do is rise above it.

Sounds like she's trying to get in with the other mothers, and she thinks that the way to do this is by bad mouthing others. Perhaps you should reply: "What was that?" or "I'm sorry I missed what you were saying there" - if she is doing it as a mutter to others. It would also send a signal to others that you're not prepared to be bad mouthed, and I would envisage that they'll all disappear the next time she starts up, because they won't want to be part of a confrontation.

I don't know what it is with a playground but it does seem to make some people regress.

I agree with stareye and call her on it, not in a bitchy way but an innocent "sorry, didn't catch that" way.

People who mock others have very low self esteem and no positive way of dealing with it.

Ages and ages ago there was a thread about people wearing jogging bottoms to do the school run and how ridiculous they all looked. Majority of us said you can wear what the hell you want.

I cannot believe people are still judged on what they wear. At our school we traipse in on wet weather days in wellies, waterproof coats and hats, we don't really care what other people think.

You will meet some nice Mums, parties are good for this sort of thing. Gives you time to chat. My ds1 is in year 1 now and I have some good friends who I see outside the playground. Persevere, don't let some narrow minded cow put you off chatting to people.

It is a nightmare, and I hate everything about it!! Just like being back at the all girls private school I went to, except my son goes to a state primary so am shocked it is no better.

I too feel part of the problem is I work part time so have to wear relatively fancy outit to school. I drive a niceish car, and live in a 'posh' road. My son has special needs (poss aspergers) which unfortunately makes his behaviour quite challenging. One particular Mum has decided this is a great reason to absolutely demonise me, even though I am already going through a nighmarish time. I even had to have her cautioned by the police last term because she physically assaulted me outide school.

Have decided the only way to deal with it is head up high, say hello, and if people don't respond it is there problem not yours.I have 3 wonderful friends at the school, but I do find it so sad that people deliberately go out of their way to make it such an unbearable place to be. I was actually having panic attacks last term with the fear of it.

Finally, as someone said, dress up some more!! Don't see why I should care, just makes me want to wear higher boots and tigher jeans when they find the need to bitch about me, they can all piss off quite frankly, exactly the same sort of girls who bullied when we were at school the first time.

Playground politics. This is yet another of those areas which just makes dads shake their heads in despair.

I do the drop-off (2 in primary, Y1 and Y4) most days and collect 2 days. I just don't see the problem. If there are people you don't like, don't talk to them. Why do women let these things get out of all proportion?

blardy hell oliandjoesmum - am not sure I could cope with that on top of everything else - I have to say that mine is nowhere near as bad as that - just a clique of (native English speaking)women that sometimes talk to me and most of the time do not and then lots of very friendly parents who dont speak much english but we nod and smile.

At least you've got 3 good friends there - it makes me sort of sad that I dont think I will make any friends at all because it obv affects my sons playdates...still am sure we will meet more people when we start doing activities.[hopeful emoticon]

Oh thanks , you are all so nice.Not many had posted when I saw her again, and it seemed like she was mocking me so I muttered "Silly cow" about her in her earshot. Not quite what you have all suggested and I will try your approach next time, I'm sure it's more civilized! Seems to have worked anyway.

Continue to be pleasant and smiley to everyone and show this sad woman her pathetic antics aren't getting to you

There is always at least one mum at every school like this ,I used to feel physically sick when I had to do school run .

Now I just get on with it and she stands in the corner with her group of hangers on ,funny thing is she only ever has these hangers on who talk to her noone says hello or makes smalltalk with her anymore because she is so bitchy .

Me I just chat to whoever happens to be there .

The best way to handle people like this is to be overly friendly towards them when you see them - it really pisses them off as they them have to be polite back! If you can really bear it go completley over the top and make kind comments about her clothes and things like that - it will take her aback and make her have to respond kindly. Then sashay away in your really much smarter than her clothes and consider yourself a much better person than her --- sorry speak from a similar experience, I learnt this after getting to the point that it was me and not my DCs who was dreading going to school in the morning.