Does it REALLY matter that dd can't read yet?

[Pawslikepaddington]

Dd has just started reception and loves numbers but HATES reading-she gets so upset that I have given up opening her bookbag. I have bought ladybird books and puddle lane books to try a different type of reading book, sticker charts, stressing the importance of reading etc, but she gets hysterical. The teacher says there is no prob at school, but her reading diary has only been filled in 3 times by school all term. I have now given up and decided to take a break from it, but her friends can read, at least a little, which is putting her off further. She is in a class with year 1 as it is a really small school, so is also getting upset as they can read and she can't. Shall I just leave it for now? She will do number sheets all night if I let her-she even pulls them out when I am tidying or in the kitchen, and dawdles through them and reads them to herself-is she just more comfortable with numbers?

The key thing here to try to give her more positive associations with reading. Have you spoken to the teacher about a strategy to follow together to try and relax her around reading? Does she enjoy listening to stories when she is not expected to 'read' anything?

Why has her reading diary only been filled in three times? Doesn't seem like much to me

Leave it till she wants to. Because you can't force her can you. My youngest DS was simply not interested, said' I can't' everytime I tried. So we left it. And half way through the summer term in YR he started and is now roaring ahead. It has to be something they want to do IMO.

She LOVES being read to, which is why I thought she might like puddle lane as I read most of the story and then she joins in, and is quite happy to listen to slightly 'older' books-we are currently doing 2 chapters of Limony Snicket a night, and I am academic so she has grown up around books and in an academic environment, but just gets so beside herself the second I even get a reading book out. She won't go into book shops any more (one of our treats used to be buying a new book and reading it in the cafe with hot chocolates) and is getting more and more demoralised the more her friends are progressing. Her friends parents keep telling me to just keeping forcing her to read, but I won't as I can't bear to see her so upset.

No it doesn't matter she's only little

If shes hysterical then declare no stress before christmas .

Concentrate on the numbers (its good for recognition)

BUT keep reading and sharing books with her (bedtime story etc) reading must be seen as a good thing not a chore.

I am quite mad at the lack of reading diary filling in, especially as there are 12 reception children and 6 year 1's in the class, so it isn't huge, but apparently they keep forgetting.

I agree, just relax and read to her. Reading in reception is no indication of future ability. DD struggled with reading until it clicked at aged 8. She devours books now and is an A* GCSE English student.

Maybe shes getting demoralised with you reading older books and thinking she should be reading those.

When ds was in reception I dug out his old baby books (the picture ones with a duck on one page etc..)0because he could guess the words it gave him a lot more confidence

Thank you all-I feel like I have been sucked into this vacuum of "your parenting is inadequate as your child cannot read", but I like to spend home time doing home things, i.e. painting, swimming, doing activities, and school is for school-work, but one parent said she should be getting a tutor as she is so behind !

No of course it doesn't matter at this stage of reception. My dd1 couldn't read til 5.5, the end of reception, now at 8 she's a fluent keen reader with a high reading age.

My 4.5 year old is about to start reception and can't read, she doesn't even know all her letters. I'm sure she's not going to be the only one at that level in her class.

I don't know what to do book wise really-she has two bookcases in her room, both packed with picture books, but she always tends to choose the ones without pictures over and over again, i.e Paddington, the Snickets, Harry Potter, Jeeves and Wooster (?!?!?) and will then revert to picture books again. I think she is so tired at bedtime she just likes to lie there and listen to me reading as opposed to actively joining in, but she follows the stories and enjoys them, so I have just kept reading whatever she asks for.

Don't worry paddington. IMO 'forcing' a child to read (however you are supposed to do that ) is far more inadequate than following her lead.

Leave it now till next term. Let her tell you when/if she wants to read.

Thank you you wonderful people. I felt like I was failing her as I can't give her the answers, but she started the term so gaily and is now so upset about having to do any form of "lessons" at school that I have had a strict "home is home, not school" rule for the past month or so, and she seems to be much happier at home, and slightly happier at school. She is a quick little one, but very much an only, so is struggling with people being better than her, being around loads of other people (she did go to nursery, but was in the oldest group, not the youngest), and not being top of the pecking order. She is happy socially in school though, she just said she finds it "too loud when I am studying"!!

Could you speak to the teacher and explain how your DD feels? IME teachers are only too happy to get a bit of an alternative view about their pupils - things they might not see in school. Anything to make the classroom happier and more productive.

Agree with Orm have a chat with the teacher, TBH I'd imagine with the Christmas run up they're not doing a whole lot of work anyway (ds yr 2 has been making paper chains and practicing for the school show....)

Reading is way down the list of priorities

I spoke to the teacher on Friday about dd in general, as she went through a period of having accidents, and everything is fine-she has had loads of cuddles from her friends this morning and I do lunches and playground duty twice a week and although she does seem to play by herself a bit more than others, she is quite content in herself and this is not really a bad thing as there tends to be a lot of boys trying to start fights, push people over or steal people's hood, and then upsetting the girls, or the girls trying to make a big group and then telling another girl they cannot join in, with a few uninteresteds hanging around on the edges and playing together. (Dd gets really upset by meanness so stays out of it and then scorns the ones that have upset people by telling them they should think about not hurting people's feelings, so the boys laugh and run away or say sorry, she is going to be so uncool at secondary!)

Don't bother getting a reading book out if it makes her hysterical. Carry on reading normal books with her and you could try sneakily getting her to practise a bit. E.g. Pick a letter you know she knows and ask her if she can find it in the sentence / word / paragraph you have just read. If she doesn't want to do that, carry on reading. Once you have finished, point out (very casually!) the letter. If that makes her hysterical too, don't ask her to do anything for a few weeks and try again later.

like everyone else says you can't force a child to read so you just have to go at her level - I can't imagine she's the only reluctant reader in reception - fwiw dd's in Y1, one of the older ones and is not yet a free reader by any means but she is one of the most advanced readers in her class which means that the vast majority of kids in her y1 class are no closer to 'proper' reading than your dd

neither of my boys could read at all in reception - for both it 'clicked' half way through y1 and they now both devour books at an astonishing rate and genuinely enjoy reading

one thing that strikes me is that the books you're reading to her seem quite old for a 4 or 5 year old - it may be that the gulf between what you're reading to her and what she feels able to tackle herself is so huge that it seems like a hopeless task - there's nothing wrong with picture books at this age - they're enjoyable, not too many words on a page and it might encourage her to see that reading could be something she could do too

The reading diary my children take home is for parents to fill in so if you looked at my class there would be no entries.